Temptress who found her prince charming
Well, what can I say.......I had the world at my feet. I was the Marilyn Monroe of my age with more than a touch of Germaine Greer thrown in. An English girl of humble origins who became a talented comic actress, one of the first generations of women on the country's stage & the most famous Restoration actress of all time. I was beautiful - a real minx!, utterly charming, cheeky, bawdy, crude, quick-witted, licentious, a sluuuuuuut!, good humoured, great in the sack, fun-loving, sexually magnetic (I was the sex symbol of my day), & was a true-life Cinderella. From rags-to-riches, I'm the stuff of legend. A common cockney girl who rose to the highest ranks of society in the land, winning the heart of a King & becoming England's first people's princess! I gave encouragement to those who took comfort from my meteoric rise, and gave hope to any who aspired to the same giddy heights.
Once upon a time.........
I was born Eleanor Gwyn, on February 2, 1650 in miserable circumstances in Hereford, England. I never really knew my father, Thomas, as he died in an Oxford debtors' prison when I was still an infant. He was a Captain in the Royalist army during the English Civil War. When he married my mother, Eleanor Smith of London's St. Martin-in-the-Fields at Oxford, the union was considered beneath him by his family, and he could scarcely have married lower. Therefore my sisrer, Rose, and I grew up under the care of my alcoholic mother, where we lived in a cellar in the squalid Coal Alley Yard, Drury Lane. She ran a house of prostitution near Covent Garden.
While my mother worked as a whore at Mrs. Ross' "house of ill repute“, my sister & I hawked fish and oysters barefooted in the filthy streets around our home, where I quickly learned to live on my wits and entice customers with my cheeky repartee. This unconventional childhood almost certainly helped to shape my spirited personality and quick witted style. A style which led the English diarist Samuel Pepys' to describe me at fifteen as "pretty, witty Nell."
By the time I was nine, I had joined my mother and sister at Mrs. Ross's, where my duties involved serving guests brandy & working as a child prostitute by the age of ten. I suppose it was inevitable that I would become a whore like my mother, but I knew at a very early age that I wanted more out of life. I wanted to pull myself up out of the gutter by using my wits, looks, irrepressible humour & whatever else it took to reach out and grasp another world. Sadly, my mother died in July 1679. She drowned in a pond at Chelsea, while she was drunk!
I was ten years old in the summer of 1660 when Charles Stuart returned to England to be restored as the rightful king. As an impressionable young girl, the king was a fine and worthy sight to see. A tall, slender, darkly handsome young monarch with sex appeal, riding at the head of a procession of twenty thousand cavalry and soldiers, smiling and waving to his cheering subjects. Like most of the young girls of London, I thought of the king as my romantic ideal. His marriage, had broken my heart, leaving me to feel I had no reason to hold on to my virginity!
At the tender age of fourteen and at my sister's urging, I began selling oranges, lemons, fruits and sweetmeats (for eighteen months) outside the Drury Lane Theatre to the thirsty theatre goers. "Orange girls" were considered little better than prostitutes, and success depended as much on a girl's looks as on her line of patter. With my auburn curls, pert breasts, cheeky turned-up nose, dimples, & my infectious spirit, I immediately attracted the attention of the lead actor, Charles Hart. Soon thereafter I became his mistress and subsequently in December, 1665, made my first stage appearance in John Dryden's The Indian Emperor. London's theatrical life had lain dormant for so long that its revival brought a number of changes. Men had always played the female roles, but now, for the first time, at the express wish of the king, women were allowed to appear on the stage. Yay!
My role as Hart's mistress was, however, short lived as I soon joined the King's Company where I was the leading comedienne from 1666-1669. It was during this time that I pursued other love interests while my excellent singing and dancing talents helped to popularise such roles as Dryden's Florimel in Secret Love and Jacinta of Evening's Love.
In 1669, I found love in the royal court when I became a mistress to King Charles II (for seventeen wonderful years). My love for him was honest and genuine, and I brought him joy and laughter, as he did to me. By Charles, I had two sons, Charles Beauclerk (1670-1726) and James Beauclerk (1671-1680). Charles was the first Earl of Burford, later Duke of St. Albans. How my son acquired the Earldom is a pretty amusing story. One day, upon the arrival of the King, I, surrounded by a circle of friends, called out to six-year-old Charlie, "Come here you little bastard and say hello to your father." When the King protested at my hard language, I replied: "Your Majesty has given me no other name by which to call him." So Charles made him the Earl of Burford. Ha!
I returned to the stage again in late 1670, in Dryden's The Conquest of Granada, a two-part epic produced in December 1670 and January 1671. This was the last play, my theatrical career spanned seven years and ended when I was just 21. During the next thirteen years I busied myself with enlarging Burford House, devoted almost all of my energies to entertaining Charles and members of his court,and tending to my mother and children.
On my thirty-fifth birthday, Charles had a stroke and fell. When Charles died, in 1685, I totally lost my zest for living & fell into a deep depression. I entertained very little, and only occasionally visited the theater. Then Buckingham, my old friend and the cousin of Barbara Villiers, also died. Fewer and fewer friends were left with whom to share the old life and the happy memories.
In March of 1687, I suffered a stroke myself that left me paralysed on one side. In May, a second stroke left me confined to my bed. I died on 14 November 1687, at ten in the evening, less than three years after King Charles' death. I was 37 years old. On the day of my funeral, mourners gathered from all over London and from all walks of life to pay a final tribute to me.
My legacy lives on. I have become a legend, the only royal mistress in English history to provoke popular affection.
The End.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Eleanor Gwyn.
Birthday: February 2nd 1650 (You do the maths).
Birthplace: Hereford.
Current Location: My Boudoir.
Eye Colour: Hazel/green.
Hair Colour: Auburn with golden highlights.
Height: 5 ft. 3
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right.
Your Heritage: Welsh/English.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Pearl/grey satin buckled shoes.
Your Weakness: Being illiterate. I’m indebted to my man-servant, Doug, for typing up this profile for me. Bless his heart!
Your Fears: Loneliness.
Your Perfect Pizza: Toscana.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I hope to see and reacquaint with old friends.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Oddsfish!
Thoughts First Waking Up: Fucking hell, here we go again!
Your Best Physical Features: My mammaries, exquisite legs and small prettily shaped feet.
Your Bedtime: Whenever I feel tired.
Your Most Missed Memory: There's too many to mention!
Pepsi or Coke: There's no difference between em.
MacDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds wins, hands down. No contest.
Single or Group Dates: Both.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee.
Do you Smoke: No.
Do you Swear: Yes, I swear like a trooper! I really ought to wash my mouth out with soap & water.
Do you Sing: Yes, I sing exceptionally well.
Do you Shower Daily: No.
Have you Been in Love: Yes. Love is a wonderful thing!
Do you want to go to College: No. I think I've done pretty well despite the lack of a formal education.
Do you want to get Married: Not now.
Do you belive in yourself: Absolutely!
Do you get Motion Sickness: Yes, I get very nauseous & suffer terrible headaches.
Do you think you are Attractive: Just look at me! I'm extraordinarily beautiful!
Are you a Health Freak: Not at all!
Did you get along with your Parents: As well as can be expected.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yeah I do. I like to run around in a thunderstorm starkers, act stupid, & get absolutely soaked.
Do you play an Instrument: I can play the lute, the viol, & the flageolet.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes, I religiously drink ale at breakfast, lunch, dinner, & supper.
In the past month have you Smoked: No.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Yes. Tranquillizers and sleeping pills.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Shopping centre? Yes, it's my second home.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: What the fuck are Oreos?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No. Sushi does not agree with me.
In the past month have you been on Stage: No, but I'd like to. I'm totally at home on the stage.
In the past month have you been Dumped: No one would dare do that to me!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Yes. The weather's been awfully hot lately & my bloody air conditioner is on the blink!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Yes. Sainsbury's security guards are absolutely crap!
Ever been Drunk: Yes, many, many times.
Ever been called a Tease: Yes. I love to flirt and tease!
Ever been Beaten up: I’ve had several punch-ups with Barbara Palmer. She once gave me a black eye & winded me so hard I collapsed. BITCH!
Ever Shoplifted: I shoplifted in my early teens and was even arrested for it.
How do you want to Die: I'm already dead!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: The Protestant whore!
What country would you most like to Visit: France.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green.
Favourite Hair Color: Black.
Short or Long Hair: Long.
Height: Tall. 5' 11 - 6' 3.
Weight: Strong, powerful, athletic.
Best Clothing Style: French styles.
Number of Drugs I have taken: I'm not sure.
Number of CDs I own: 0
Number of Piercings: 2
Number of Tattoos: 1 - I have Cupid tattooed on my left buttock.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I have no regrets whatsoever!
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
What Famous Whore Are You Going To Murder?
Name
Age
Weapon Of Choice
You'll Kill Vanessa Paradis(Depp)
How Many Years You'll Serve 12
Will You Regret It? (8) - Without a doubt. - (8)
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