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About Me

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Massage By Jeff Ramone

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I am 33 years old. I'm mostly Italian. I live in Chicago, Illinois, USA. I am a nationally certified/licensed massage therapist (don't get any funny ideas). I love naps. I don't care for people who are pretentious and superficial. I hate the excessive cold and the excessive heat. There's nowhere more beautiful than NYC in spring and fall. I've only ever lived in Chicago. I believe that working in an office leads to obesity. I bite my fingernails. I don't smoke. I own two Macs and an iPod. I think a little facial/body hair is cute; I don't like excessive amounts. I have slept with girls before. I prefer the company of men. I been in many relationships, but only been in love once. I am not sure I'll fall in love again. I am typical Cancerian male: hard shell on the outside, soft and mushy on in the inside...although I met someone recently that might change that. I have tried many kinds of drugs; only one really appeals to me (that's the booze, darling). I abhor gay stereotypes, but then again I have seen "Mommie Dearest" at least a dozen times. I can't sing, nor can I dance very well. I am loyal to my friends and compatriots. I am wishy-washy to those who treat me similarly. The worst thing I have ever had to do was put my 12-year-old dog, Boomer, to sleep. I've never left North America; I yearn to do otherwise. I have a secret identity. I have four tattoos. I am very sexual. I only have two regrets in life ... but then again two few to mention.
Ten Things I Love
1. Rock and/or Roll
2, My Man (men come and go, but and roll is will never die!)
3. My iPod
4. My mommie
5. Big Chicks, The Uptown Bar
6. New York City
7. The Ramones (R.I.P. Joey, Dee Dee, Johnny)
8. Knee socks
9. Massage (I got the skills to pay the bills)
10. Naps
Ten Things I Don't Much Care For
1. Republicans
2. Gay Republicans
3. Fox News Channel
4. Queer men over 25 who refer to themselves as "boi"
5. Yuppie scum fucks with shitty values
6. Bad grammar
7. Stupidity
8. Shallowness/Materialism
9. Shitney Spears
10. Working in an office

My Interests

Rock, roll, my boyfriend, music (see below), vodka straight-up on the rocks, sunny days, riding my Fuji hybrid, readin', writin' (see blogs), (don't care for 'rythmitic), smart, funny, non-jaded people who are respectful of the differences of others without being insufferable, politically correct assholes.

I'd like to meet:

Star Wars Rap

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Music:

Contemporary
Favorites
LCD Soundsystem
Grinderman
Modest Mouse
The Shins
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
The Bird and The Bee
Peter Bjorn & John
Sufjan Stevens
The Rapture
The Polyphonic Spree
Madeline Peyroux
KT Tunstall
Wolfmother
The White Stripes
Goldfrapp
Beth Orton
Electric Six
Ted Leo/Pharmacists
The Strokes
Belle & Sebastian
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Islands
The Flaming Lips
The New Black
Cougars
The Countdown

ALL TIME
FAVORITES
Ramones
Iggy Pop & The Stooges
Johnny Cash
Blondie
PJ Harvey
David Bowie
The Clash
Ella Fitzgerald
Bob Dylan
Ray Charles
Cheap Trick
Aretha Franklin
Elvis Costello
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Billie Holiday
Lou Reed
Rolling Stones (1964-1979)
AC/DC (Bonn Scott era only)

OTHER
FAVORITES
Ben Folds
Hot Hot Heat
Underworld
Franz Ferdinand
Tom Petty
Beck
Stevie Wonder
Nico
Air
Patti Smith
Jon Spencer
George Harrison
Sex Pistols
Ben Lee
Sam & Dave
New York Dolls
Wilco
Sinead O'Connor
Liz Phair
Paul Westerberg
BT
Joni Mitchell
Al Green
Melissa Etheridge
Pixies
Urge Overkill
The Cure
Diana Krall
Zwan
Smashing Pumpkins
Koko Taylor
Momus
Annie Lennox/Eurythmics
Sleater-Kinney
Queen
Tina Turner
Rachel's
Tom Jones
Postal Service
The Pretenders
Radiohead
Loretta Lynn
The Jayhawks
Rufus Wainwright
The Kinks
Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire
Material Issue
John Hiatt
The Jam/Paul Weller
Dolly Parton
The Smiths
Foo Fighters
Chuck Berry
Nick Drake
The Who

Movies:

Shortbus; Half Nelson; The Departed; The Bridge; X-Men 1/2/3; Inside Man; Why We Fight; V for Vendetta; Unknown White Male; The Protocols of Zion; Match Point; Oldboy; Donnie Darko; Bad Education; Born Into Brothels; Rushmore; End of the Century: The Story of the Ramones; The Filth and the Fury; Garden State; The Corporation; Anchorman: The Legend of Run Burgandy; Saved!; Kill Bill Vols. 1 & 2; Garden State; Napolean Dynamite; The Godfather I & II; Good Fellas; Star Trek II, III, IV, VI, First Contact; Fahrenheit 9/11; The Opposite of Sex; Woody Allen (Annie Hall, Deconstructing Harry, Hannah & Her Sisters, Crimes and Misdemeanors); John Waters (Polyester, Girl Trouble, Hairspray, Serial Mom); Cohen Brothers (Fargo, Blood Simple); Errol Morris (Fog of War, Mr. Death); The Usual Suspects; Seven; Trainspotting; Pulp Fiction; High Fidelity; Matrix (just the first one); Star Wars Trilogy; Lord of the Rings trilogy; Monster; Better Luck Tomorrow; School Of Rock; Dumb & Dumber; Chuck & Buck; Texas Chainsaw Massacre; Halloween; Contact; and the list goes on...

Television:

Lost, Strangers With Candy, Six Feet Under, The Sopranos, Family Guy, Adult Swim, Sex In The City, Star Trek (in its many forms), Bravo, History Channel, A&E, IFC, Sundance Channel, CNN, Comedy Central.

Books:

Hardcore Zen by Brad Warner; Barrel Fever by David Sedaris; Giovanni's Room by William Baldwin; Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury; The Thief of Always by Clive Barker; 1984 by George Orwell; The Stand by Stephen King; The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood; Fraud by David Rachoff

Heroes:

Thomas Jefferson, Johnny Rotten, John Lennon, Dali Lama, Mother Teresa (really)

My Blog

User Friendly: The Odd Cons of Daniel X.

Author's Note: Yes, what you are about to read is long. Stow your A.D.D. tendencies for like 15 minutes if you can. Also, what you are about to read is 100% true. Well, 98% true. I had to take a few a...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Thu, 03 May 2007 11:12:00 PST

My Celebrity Look-alikes

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Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 07:23:00 PST

War on Xmas Is Over, If You Want It or How The Grinch Gave Back Christmas

Anyone who has known me in the last 10 years would probably tell you that "Jeff hates Christmas". It's a sad observation, but doesn't stray too far from the truth. When it began, I cannot say for sure...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Sun, 31 Dec 2006 08:46:00 PST

"What You Ask For", Part 1

I had the "uncle" title thrust on me when I was a freshman in high school. It was not a gradual thing. It's not as if a sibling or sibling's wife were pregnant and I had nine months to get used to the...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Fri, 15 Dec 2006 02:10:00 PST

BEST OF 2006 (Music & Film)

It's that time of year again when we music nerds announce our favorite albums of the year in an attempt to be "cool", "edgy", "plugged-in" and just generally hipper-than-thou. Well bullocks to all tha...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Fri, 08 Dec 2006 11:33:00 PST

Three to Six Inches Usually Isn't That Impressive....

It's December 1st. The first significant snowfall has hit Chicago. I HATE THE MIDWEST!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.This is one of those days that I am glad that I am no longer a 9-5 commuter. Weather like this...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Fri, 01 Dec 2006 07:45:00 PST

"The N-Word is Not a New Program on Showtime"

As comedian George Carlin once said, "There's no such thing as bad words, only bad intentions.". The context in which we use these words also greatly determines their impact. And though we live in an ...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 09:47:00 PST

"City of Shrugged Shoulders" or "Why No One Gives a Fuck on the CTA"

I've lived in Chicago for going on 15 years and the people I encounter on the Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) never cease to appall me. For most of my existence here I have primarily used the elevated...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Tue, 28 Nov 2006 02:55:00 PST

"Journey to the Bottom of my Stomach" or "The Battle of Forovereat"

What does cold weather make me want to eat? Is it just some sort of residual evolutionary impulse left over from my ancestors who, in pre-historic times, used to hunt and gather for the coming winter...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 11:10:00 PST

Open Letter To The Democrats

November 8, 2006Dear Democratic National Committee:First of all, let me say congratulations on your victory last night. Retaking the House of Representatives (and possibly the Senate, still awaiting r...
Posted by R.A.M.O.N.E. on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 07:24:00 PST