The mosquito waltz

My bed is a plate of food at night
They sting me, suck me, get away without a fight

While they are partying on my silky cream
They tell each other; “Yo!, this skin is supreme”

Now a big bump is breaking my heart
This one has marked me with his piece of art

Injected with the poison of the itch
This beast I need to catch and ditch

Come show me your little zoomy face
And I won’t make this a further case

Get into the light, my dear friend
So we can celebrate this perfect end

I’ll squash you to the nearest wall
Quick, you won’t have time to scream or call

I enjoy:

No sleep varied with lots of sleep, inventing and building things, my friends who don't have a my space website(yes you!, you're alright..), exchanging love, experiences and understanding, concerts, performing&jamming, experimental interior or stage designing, poetry(the poems on this page are all mine. still learning.), photography(as you can see I really dig self-portraits), the smell of hot candle wax and blown out candles, cycling, my bike Fred, ice skating, dancing in pj's, animal noises, lying on the ground listening to music and also with the speakers tucked in next to me in bed, the cinema, the airport, Mastermind, Rummikub, edgy(call it trashy) rock bars and brown cafés, shiny red lipstick and eyeliner, honest impatient fickle smart confused wild & creative caring guys who do what they like doing and can't dance, dishonest patient organised dumb & boring guys who also do what they like doing and are good in bed, men with beards, black with neon, parties at randomly picked places, singing odd (yet quite sexy) psychedelic harmonies to songs preferably under the shower, bounties, patatje flip, Jägermeister, Vodka Lemon, White Russian and cocktails I can't remember the names of, Herbal tea, ice cream coffee, Calvé Yogurt Slasaus-dressing(I searched high and low for this in London. Where is it?!), Sambal Oelek, people who dress up for fun, people who undress for fun, The Bovine and Toronto, porches, Russian Rococo&Neoclassism, a quiet room in the middle of lots of noise, Frank Lloyd Wright, impressionism, Die Neue Wilde, bodypaint, Flamengo, rice-&cornfields, meadows, theatre, the shovelboard!, windmobiles, markets in evening and nighttime, producers, technicians, secretaries(I'd like to have my own), time travelling, Jonathan Dekel, my guinea pig Peggy, people with great or no taste, incense, things I can't have, challenges, Albino snakes, hot coco, home, vintage vehicles and stuff, travelling, long bus trips, Arizona USA, garden- boat- and beachparties with music & Christmassy lightning and BBQ, Oystercard, pressing my back against the back of a piano while someone is playing it well...

Peach

Little child
The waiting is over
Your waiting is over
The fruits are ripe
And the scarecrows have flown

Little child
They’ve come to steel your garden
But there are no camels to trade
No deals to be made
Cause you’re a wild one
Pretty little wild one

Aroused wonderer
Excited plunderer
Devine peach
Tastes some of each
My wild one

Some of my quotes:

(pardon my lack of great English)

♣ Do not overintellectualise your personal messages. They will make the reader too tired to reply.

♣ A good giver takes a good taker.

♣ I'd rather die alone by being too much of me than by being way too much of someone else.

♣ If cheating is a norm, it's all over with the "I already have a fellow/girl" rejection trick. You will have to be honest...ouch!

♣ Rolling stones become diamonds.

♣ Why would I raise my hand to a rhetorical question? Don't make a fool out of your audience.

♣ It's easy to look for the extreme, up or down. It's the 'balanced' part in life that's the hardest to be and stay in. But can't you just find balance in the extreme?

♣ I don't think religions are either wrong or right. I do know that some of em are dealing with the right intentions in the wrong way.

♣ Being arrogant is ok as long as you mean it!

♣ Some things you just can't change.

♣ Every quality brings a downer and every downer brings a quality.

♣ Shit happens to make you respect the other things in life more.

♣ Some people choose fashion over taste.

♣ Going through lots of stuff in your life and being the most talented person around, doesn't give you the right to be a nagging bore. It might have changed you, but it doesn't change the people around you. Don't get used to recognition.

♣ Sophistication and technical challenges are not as important as the direct heart-hitting!

♣ Lots of obsessions are a sign of insecurity. Accept for the sexual ones, the ones you're born with and the physical explainable ones.

♣ There is a certain limit to analysing, especially when it comes to love and friendship. I don't want to sound hippyish, but you should just follow your heart. Observation is a good thing though.

♣ It's a shame school is more about books than teachers and practise these days.

♣ How on earth are you supposed to get somewhere without making mistakes? NOT possible. What a relief. Now we can all get on.

♣ The greatest friends are soulmates or people who respect eachother a lot. The greatest lovers are opposites but they share sort of the same theory of value towards life and people(same sense of humor).

♣ It's pretty uncool to try to get rid of your depression, disappointment, boredom, annoyance, loss or insecurity by insulting other people with your cynism or criticism. If you feel the need though, be sure no one nice gets hurt. I'm pretty cynical myself... but I am a tactical cynic.. hmmm yeah.

♣ Destiny is how we got our brains so destiny is also in the way we use them and want to use them.

♣ Life is more about finding a certain balance than particularly living a complete healthy life. Most of the time a good mental balance will also improve the physical balance. It's tricky...but true.

♣ When it comes to a creative process, it's good to take your feelings more serious than yourself.

♣ Sometimes finding something can set you free more than actually having it.

♣ It's ok to change. In fact, it's a good thing. Just don't forget where you came from.

♣ Going against the grain is only cool when you can improve something with it. If not, you are just wasting time.

♣ Frustration stimulates the creative mind. This could be a reason to stay in East London.

♣ You start off angry and end up neglecting. It's what happens to the best. A selective way of living could make life a hell of a lot easier.

♣ Never insult an open door or it will slam back into your face!

♣ Something exciting and passionate but slightly unfinished or raw is more interesting and hopeful than something that is fully developed and of stabile ok quality. If you have the ability to keep on moving, observing, listening, alternating, learning, mixing and most important that you are aware of all this, you’re on the right track. No matter what age you are.

♣ As soon as you've learned not to be scared of cliché's, you can be original.

♣ You can't force a person into changing. You can only change when you know why and you can only know why when you feel why. This takes experience.

♣ When you have young children do not drag them to some third world nation just to finally explore yourself and fulfil your everlasting dream to better the world or travel. You see, children need some structure, good health care and a 'normal' life. (told you I ain't no hippy...)

♣ Don't get offended when someone doesn't reply to your nice words. He or she might have just been busy! Also: This is a MYspace, not a YOURspace. Although I might be alone in my principles..:-)

♣ A Myspace website has never got the right amount of information but yet it's fun and very useful.

♣ I need squashed orange..

Surrealism: Surrealism is at the crossroads of several thought movements. We assume that it affirms the possibility of a certain steady downward readjustment of the mind's rational (and not simply conscious) activity towards more absolutely coherent thought, irrespective of what direction that thought may take; that is to say, that it proposes, or would at least like to propose, a new solution of all problems but chiefly moral. In that sense, indeed, it is epoch-making. That is why one may express the essential characteristic of surrealism by saying that it seeks to calculate the quotient of the unconscious by the conscious. André Breton

Yours truly me

Let me lose my eyes
Your picture’s in my head
Let me lose my ears
Your voice I hear in bed

Let me lose my taste
Knowing it was good
Let me lose my senses
Truly it will suit

Let me lose my arms
Reaching in the blue
Let me lose my legs
Running into you

Let me lose myself
And she won’t have a clue
Let me lose me
And I will be you

More Poetry:

(also by me)

Killing Days

Awoken by a roll, shaking sound
A white tiled labyrinth rises from the ground
After the scream of its master in the sky
We need to tighten up, plodding as time slowly passes by
Deadlines, dead ends, sharp edges..
Running for golden deals and shiny badges
Blinding bright clinical walls
In need of black velvet to soothe our calls

Too much like me

We both live in our own world
We are confused
We are disorganised
We are inside-in outsiders
And we both need someone not like us
Someone who likes us

The StreetsWhen I open my front door
I open a little box
I got it from my birthday once
And use it ever since

Every time I go out
I become a dancer
A tiny pink dancer
The trees are my favourite scenery
When I turn turn turn

To every season
I’m save until the music fades away
When my stage starts falling apart

People seem so cruel when the motor is running down
And there are so many of them
So I hide in the nearest favourite scenery
Waiting for someone to wind me up
And open the curtains again

cheers.

You make me want to buy your brand of cigarettes and burn them down on an ashtray. Just to feel you near. Tricking my brain, torturing my stomach and wellbeing... You see, I don’t smoke. Then the ritual kicks off. Playing chaotic music, hiding under my duvet, bouncing my head about 5 times on the mattress, squeezing my pillow, kicking my legs, dancing my socks off, spinning, shaking my hair like a meNtal rocker, sliding down on the side of the rebellious placed closet in the middle of the room. In order to laugh about the situation and feeling very much relieved. I’m alive! :-D

De twee artiesten
Met dit besluit kruisen onze paden
Een einde aan de zweverige wereld
die wij zo zwaar belaadden

We zullen niet meer blijven hangen
in competitie of te lange stiltes
Maar krijgen meer rust en heldere gedeeltes

Can’t have youYou’ve locked me up and set me free
Broke me into a thousand pieces
They find their way through the bars
Tiny little pieces, druggy little pieces
Led by the night, out for some fun

You’ve locked me up and set me free
I’ve lost a friend, I’ve broken hearts
Trying to get something that isn’t there
Trying to feel not to feel
the chaos you’ve left inside

I dream about the first place we’ve met
Lying next to Mr second
I should be tamed and tied down
My cheeks get wet when he gets close
You’re raining down
on a body that should have been yours
I should be tamed and tied down

heartsore

You're stuck to my elastic band
I'm stressed and stretched when you're gone
And when you suddenly appear there's a bang
! ! !
A fatal strike back
Beating
You leave me with shaking strings

Soldier: Enter the naked grey.
The world was spinning
My stomach a mess
A new beginning
Time to undress

Goodbye old church today
You sucked out all my colours
And made me old and grey

Lying on the floor
Reaching in the light
Picking myself up
Leaving it behind

Me under me watch me fly
You’re no use to me now
Hello sky

My feet and fingers wet and cold
Warm early memories
To keep and hold

My believe didn’t get me through
So it be!
It’s a pleasure to announce you
This body is no longer me

I cry
Please forgive me
Tonight
When your doorbell is ringing
And without a word
My sharp plans
Have turned into a soft need
Please don’t ask me
In the morning
When light faces me
With my foolishness
Lonely selfishness
It’s not you
I have things to do
Much to show
And tonight
I just want to cry

CRIMINAL

I dare anything
I dance on streets, I balance on buildings
I fuck, I steal
I have a relationship with freedom
I like taking things in my hands
I like to drop things out of my hands
I do not like to be disappointed

I stay away from ghosts
I stay away from friendship
I stay away from my father
Is there a Father?
My rollercoaster ride might bring me near him

You would say I do not believe in romance
Though romance is my only drive
It is my life

People say I do not go in fear for my life
It is exactly that
I do not go in fear for my life
I fear in it

For I am afraid to lose what I have been given
Not what I have taken
That’s why I prefer to take
Before anyone can give
Me
Who am I?

If I only knew who I was...
If I only knew what I should do
How long I must wait
How I must wait

If I could be proud of who I am
One of them
But still me
Then I could be given
Given away
Forgiven

Recognition Incognito
People who like me confuse me
I like them but they confuse me
I show them all my stuff and they like me
Why?
I must have hidden something
I am interested in them
I analyse them, spy on them
Man, I like them
A reason to party

People who hate me confuse me
I should forget about them but they confuse me
I show them all my stuff and they hate me
Why?
I must have forgotten something
I am interested in them
I analyse them, understand them
Man, they freak me out
A reason to quit

People who accept me ease me
They are relaxed and they ease me
I show them all my thoughts and they let me go
Why?
They must feel the same
I am interested in them
We analyse, we talk
Man, I love them
A reason to live

About

You think I’m edgy
Wicked and witted
Tacky

Philosophical but theatrical
Just not at peace
Always on the run

You might find me cynical
Maybe even arrogant
And you think I do not see you

You think I’m a tough rubber ball
But while you think I think about you
And my world is falling apart

Rhetorical Maturity
Should I forget about my past?
Hide my old paintings, old writings, photos
That funky jacket
(silly old me)
To represent maturity
Do I have to look simple, dress down
(be grey)
Do I have to give short answers
Be tactful in my notices
Act cool, radiate calmness
Not to freak other people out
As if it looks like I am controlling the uncontrollable
The unknown, time, mortality
Down to earth yet have that refined touch
Which should tell you
I have been there
I have knowledge
But what can you do?
No make up, no hideaways..
And think:
You are yours
I am mine
Stay away
And let me be....
BORING

Maak fouten.
Maak fouten op mij
Bedelf me onder je vooroordelen
Sluit me op, commandeer me met je bevelen
Scheld me uit en maak me klein
Doe me alleen geen pijn

Ik begrijp je moet nog groeien
De wereld en zijn tekortkomingen verfoeien
Tot een volwassen bewustzijn uitbloeien

Maak fouten op mij
Gebruik me met je lusten
Zodat ook jij straks kunt rusten
En komt waar jij wilt zijn
Doe me alleen alsjeblieft geen pijn

To the angry lady at work
Lady, she's squeezing my arm too much
But I can’t feel it, she is prejudged

She's wasted her time digging up gold
Turning her mind deep dark and cold

This woman, she is so full of lies
Kissing the ass of men in ties

The chief has lost all of her charms
Now struggling with wrinkles and jelly arms

She better wake up and listen to me
Someone could love her, can’t you just see?

The coffin
I am sure that if I touch the flesh
which you find so cold and empty
my fingers will be brought back to life
They’ll be the roots to my heart
warm and filled with joy
I might do the same to you

I've got soul but I'm not a soldier.
If I ever end up in those red or pink lights
Pick me up and I will end it
All the inner ‘I won't fall in love with you’ fights
They will end

I will never be yours and you will never be mine
But at least it will end
All the latenight prayers with latenight players and wine
This game will end
Damn you.

Het idee?
Ideeën en visies krijg je niet zomaar
Daar moet je voor betalen
Langzaam in gekte afdwalen
In eenzaamheid de eindstreep halen
Vergezeld door een paar geesten en stemmen

En geen recht op hun hulp
Om je af en toe een beetje af te remmen
Je kruipt in het gevoel en het gevoel kruipt in jou
Je wordt erin meegenomen
Op momenten dat je dat soms niet wensen zou

Inzicht

Bang jezelf kwijt te raken
Afscheid nemen van gedane zaken
Op donkere straten verwarrend aan het kwijnen
Daarna op wit papier met rechte lijnen
Strak op het kussen in de wolken
Heb je jezelf meerdere malen uitgemolken
Schrijvend diep in de oppervlakte
Zoekend naar dingen die je pakte
Tastend in toekomst en verleden
Ploeterend naar die verdomde reden