Chuck Norris "facts" 1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
# Forget Wikipedia, if Chuck Norris wants you know something, he will tell you.
# The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
# If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
# Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
# Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
# There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
# Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
# When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
# A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
# Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
# Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II†video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,†Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.â€
# Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!â€
# Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
# Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
# Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
# Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
# The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
# Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
That was my truck last year, now I work for NFI, but the pic represents what I do (tandem driver). I spend my money on stupid stuff. I am a big, clumsy oaf. I am always dirty, working with my hands makes me happy. I love to build things out of metal. I do clean up well,look good in suit and a tie. I can tie a tie, but am not fashionable at all. Understand, I am socially awkward, and shy. I have been living alone for 20 years. I am a 42 yr old truck driver(big truck, 18 wheel or more, up to 9 axles). I never should have gone down this career path, I hate working over 50 hours a week. Its bad for my health, and mind.I used to be a construction worker, strong as an ox, and physically fit, but poor. I spend way too much time on this damn computer.. )
kReEsTaL!
Marie Guillaumet, who lives in France, an artist I admire. Please visit her site.( click anywhere here) or deviant art page "http://kreestal.deviantart.com/"
Nesis!
Another beautiful french artist who is incredibly nice, talented, and gorgeous