Andrew Lawrence profile picture

Andrew Lawrence

I am here for Friends

About Me

Ungainly gentleman who says rude things for money and sometimes people laugh...

My Interests

Poo jokes. Running in circles. Bouncy castles. Cous cous. Lentils. Burglary.

I'd like to meet:

People who are true to themselves and true to everyone around them. And also lying people. Retired prostitutes. My real dad.

Music:

Coming soon-downloads of my songs including: 'Mystery Paraplegic' and 'I Set His Face On Fire'. How soon i don't know. But soon. It's worth the wait. Believe me. It's well worth the wait. Unless the wait is more than 6 months. Then it's not worth the wait.(it has now been more than six months.)

Movies:

A cinema is a useful place for molesting strangers. They can't see you properly of course, because it is dark and they don't want to make any noise because the film is on.
If you want to molest a stranger without getting in trouble, I would recommend a cinema.
Ideally you wouldn't molest anybody in a perfect world because generally molestation is somewhat frowned upon. Unless it is another molester.
If there are two molesters visiting the cinema looking to molest a stranger, and they end up by coincidence molesting each other this is probably for the best- because then no-one is getting molested who doesn't deserve it.
I have never molested anyone in a cinema. Or elsewhere. One day when i am old, if i go mental, i might molest someone in a cinema. But at the moment it doesn't appeal to me.
here are some films I like: 'Halloween', 'The Birds', 'Dirty Harry', 'Taxi driver', 'The Machinist', 'Donnie Brasco', 'A Fistful Of Dollars', 'Closer', 'Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?', 'Leon', 'Scarface',
'Titus', 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'(1974), 'Serpico',
'Very Bad Things'.

Television:

It's shit and it always has been shit. But not as shit as the radio. The radio is properly shit.

Books:

Marcel Proust-'A la recherche du temps perdu'. And anything with pictures. And puzzle books.

Here is a list of some good things i have read:
Jonathan Swift 'A Modest Proposal (1729)'
Hans Christian Andersen 'The Emperor's New Clothes'
Edward Gorey 'The Gashlycrumb Tinies'
Raymond Carver 'Call If You Need Me', 'Where I'm calling From'
Angela Carter 'Nights At The Circus', 'Wise Children','Burning Your Boats'
Virginia Woolf 'Orlando: A Biography'
Kingsley Amis 'Lucky Jim'
Janice Galloway 'The Trick Is To Keep Breathing'
Don Delillo 'Underworld'
Jonathan Franzen 'The Corrections'
Chuck Palahniuk 'Haunted'

Here are some other people who have written good things:
Edward Albee 'Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?'
Sarah Kane 'Blasted'
Patrick Marber 'Dealer's Choice', 'Closer'
Martin McDonagh 'The Lieutenant Of Inishmore', 'The Lonesome West'.

My Blog

I’M GOING TO SMASH UP THE SOHO THEATRE!

Welcome to this blog posting, I salute you with a kiss and a smily face such is customary amongst the computing fraternity x :-) here is a winking face also for no particular reason ;-) and now a...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Thu, 03 Jan 2008 06:03:00 PST

Edinburgh previews June/July 2007

Read this, it is more important than your own life: For many months now I have been working on something which I believe will shake the world of stand-up comedy on its very axis and leave all my ...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Thu, 07 Jun 2007 01:47:00 PST

my cat story that i thought of and wrote by myself

Earlier today, while i was out and about doing my business that i do, i saw a cat being run over. (By a car.) Horrible. Futhermore it was a ginger cat. I was quite upset about it.( But less upset...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Wed, 19 Jul 2006 05:34:00 PST

bad eyes

Some mornings i have been waking up recently with bad eyes and i have not been able to open them all day. They have been quite stuck together with a gluey excess of yellow eye-sleep bo...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Tue, 20 Jun 2006 06:25:00 PST

things i have done and am doing

I went to Norwich F.C.to do some comedy on Wednesday. In the big scheme of things they are quite rubbish at football.  They like comedy at Norwich F.C. though. It helps to have a sen...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Sat, 27 May 2006 06:28:00 PST

story time!

Here is a story:   I had come out of my flat and i was getting in my car when an angry man walked towards me shouting. He was in his forties I reckon. He had an ugly face and the w...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Mon, 15 May 2006 05:42:00 PST

a change of management

Hello! Up until now my management have been running this myspace thing for me, as i have been learning how to use a computer. Now that i have wrestled control from them, i shall be furn...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Tue, 09 May 2006 01:49:00 PST

Off The Kerb - Exeter (Tonight)

Just a reminder that tonight I'm playing at Off The Kerb in Exeter - contact the venue for details and times. See you there. AL.
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Fri, 28 Apr 2006 06:25:00 PST

Welcome to my MySpace profile!

Welcome to my profile - www.myspace.com/andrewlawrence Isn't the internet marvellous? I am a stand-up comedian/musician performing gigs throughout the UK. If you want to add yourself as a friend, feel...
Posted by Andrew Lawrence on Tue, 25 Apr 2006 04:28:00 PST