Moe Biscuits - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a 32 year old dyslexic agnostic insomniac; I stay up all night wondering if there really is a Dog. My favorite color is mushrooms. My favorite food is polystyrene. I like long walks underwater and camping out in the backyards of people who don't know me. BEFORE YOU SEND ME AN ADD REQUEST:
1. If you're a band, movie, or entertainer of any kind, and your sole purpose for adding me is to flood my comments & bulletins with ads for your shit, Don't send me a request.
2. If your profile is set to private, send me a message along with the request. I don't want to have to approve your request just to find out you're a 22 year old emo fuckwit with nothing to say except, "woe is me."
3. If you fit into any kind of ethnic, religious, or other minority, and you are easily offended, don't send me a request.
4. If you send me a request and I deny it, don't send me another one. If you do, I'm going to email everyone on your friends list and tell them what retard you are.
5. If your site is so overloaded with glittery graphics, slideshows, animated gifs, and movies that it locks up the scrollpad on my laptop, I may still add you, but I probably won't visit your page.

My Interests

Music, Barbecuing, Movies, Reading, Writing and Close-Quarters Combat Snorkeling.

I'd like to meet:

Dr. Seuss, Michael Jackson, Reggie Jackson, Samuel L. Jackson, Jackson Browne, Stephen King, Buddah, Genghis Khan, Chakka Khan, Khan from Star Trek, Sheryl Crow, Walt Disney, Jesus, The Beastie Boys, Harry Shannon, Sean William Scott, Adolf Hitler, Bobby Flay, Curious George, Milton Berle, Dee Snyder, Kat Von D, Willie Nelson, Mike Nelson, Ricky Nelson, Nelson Mandella, Wattie Buchan, Three Dog Night, Warren Zevon, Lady Euthanasia, Myron Mixon, Napoleon, The Pope, Warren Jeffs, Christa Faust, Matt Eversman, Thomas Jefferson, George Jefferson, DMX, xXx, Colonel Steele, Colonel Sanders, Fieldy Snutts, Puff The Magic Dragon, Eddie Izzard, Tony Hawk, George Washington, George Harrison, George Stark, Boy George, Stewie Griffin, Frank Zappa, Tiny Tim, Harry Houdini, Bob Dobbs, Joe Bob Briggs, Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Jason Hawes, Dean Koontz, Rodney Dangerfield, The Entire Cast of Eight is Enough, Grant Wilson, Woodrow Wilson, Wilson Philips, The President.
...and Victor Heck.

Music:

Lamb of God Static-X Stevie Ray Vaughn Black Sabbath Beck Presidents of the USA Blue Man Group Faith No More Fields of the Nephilim Brian Setzer Johnny CashYeah, I'm one of those assholes who says, "Eh, I listen to a little bit of everything." Call me a hypocrite, hit me with a brick, just don't force me to listen to Christian rock.

Movies:

The Matrix Fight Club Hellraiser I & II (they all went downhill after that) Shaun of the Dead Napoleon Dynamite Evil Dead (I & II) Romero's Dead Series The New Dawn of the Dead

Television:

Yes, I have one, but I'm done watching it.

Books:

Anything worth reading...

Heroes:

Dr. Seuss (RIP) Old fat Southern BBQ Pit Masters Dimebag Darryl (RIP) Tony Iommi Stephen King Stevie Ray Vaughn (RIP)

My Blog

Im Fucked!!!

Okay, so this is kinda my fault. Basically, this profile will have to go away. I've been blocked by the MySpace Nazis because I've been phished. I can't change my password because I ...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Wed, 12 Dec 2007 05:29:00 PST

Pinch And Twist...

With the help of my Soldering Iron of Justice, I have repaired the laptop cable and I am back online, baby! Ate dinner at the Texas Roadhouse last night. They're a big ol' chain restaurant, Kind...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Sun, 02 Dec 2007 06:24:00 PST

Halleluja! Holy Shit! Where’s The Tylenol?

The power adapter for my laptop is officially broken. If I could remember my password, and if the email address I used to register my account wasn't defunct, I might just log in to MySpace ...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Sat, 24 Nov 2007 03:00:00 PST

Here I Sit, Broken Hearted...

Yup, another shitter-inspired blog. This time in the master bathroom, with the wife just outside the door, milling around in the bedroom. I'm waiting for, "what the-do you have the laptop ...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Sun, 18 Nov 2007 10:38:00 PST

Here We Go, Pholkz...

Bulletin, reposted: Okay, I read this one and I'm calling bullshit. My answers are in parentheses.Girl Facts:When you catch a girl glancing at you, she wants you to look back and smile.(She just thoug...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Mon, 12 Nov 2007 05:25:00 PST

Random Acts of Blindess...and Ham

MySpace things that need to go away:Blogs that are open letters to a particular person (get some gonads and say it to their face), refer to "fake ass bitches," "haters," and "true friends," or drone o...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Sun, 28 Oct 2007 01:30:00 PST

Look! It’s Big Foot’s Nutsack!

1. Are you younger than 19?Fuck, I'm probably old enough to be your dad. 5. Do you have a crush on someone?No, but I crushed someone under the tires of the Danger Wagon. 6. Are you in a school?What, ...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Wed, 24 Oct 2007 08:06:00 PST

Oooh, that’s gonna itch when it dries.

More things that need to go away: People who don't speak a lick of German, but try to mimic Rammstein lyrics or lines from an Indiana Jones movie, completely fucking it up. The melodramatic anti-tobac...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Sun, 07 Oct 2007 12:26:00 PST

One time, I shoved a Clorox bottle up my...

Ha! I totally made you look, this time! Anyway, here's another survey thingee for y'all... Finish the sentences: 1. I've come to realize that my ex was: a wolf in sheep's clothing 2. I am ...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Tue, 02 Oct 2007 07:33:00 PST

Are You Out Of Your Fucking MIND?

I'm sitting on the shitter as I write this. Just thought I'd share that with you. First of all, I am NOT going to support this whole Jena 6 thing. Why? Well, I don't know a whole hel...
Posted by Moe Biscuits on Sat, 15 Sep 2007 01:19:00 PST