JUNKIE

i try to stay busy, but sometimes i just want to hang out and talk and stuff. yeah. . . I like that. wait, there's more: OTHER INTERESTS INCLUDE- bitch-slappin' your momma, art [drawing/photography/mixed media/silkscreen printing/painting], cleaning (doing the dishes mainly), shoes, cocktails, forgetting stuff, bass guitar, rock and roll, long walks on the beach (just kidding), feet, giving advice, piping in, piping down, laying pipe, dying one day at a time, slipping away, semi-consciousness, being awesome, offensive AND insensitive AND annoying. i like elektronica, insomnia, harmonica, chicks named veronica, dark progressive house, mash-ups, being paranoid, japanese knot tying, bed suspension, electrocution parties, coming up with pretty good ideas of cool stuff to do and never doing any of them, garage rock (circa 1976), techno, drinking heavily, thrift stores, squirting pussies, streaking, free stuff like: regular fuckin' free shit, buy one get one free, freewheel burnin', freestyling, set me free little girl, free ballin', free falling, free samples (thanks for lunch- whole foods and central market), free hand, I. P. Freely, freeloading, free for all, freebird, freeways, free food at bar of soap on sundays, freelancing, antifreeze, freeze-frame photography, watching cartoons, being annoyed by my co-workers, laughing (at your pain), old school 70's porn, nu porn, shoe horns, popcorn, pop art, pop music, laying out at the pool, shooting pool, looking cool, looking up a pantiless skirt, player hating, getting ripped off... i mean ripping people off, bugger eaters, man eaters, manwiches, sammiches, sangwiches, murder, making shit up, non-fiction, having a good laugh after sex, making lists, taking inventory, registering complaints, filing reports, putting stuff down on your permanent record, logging events and occurrances, being anal, doing anal, analysis, hydrolysis, polyvinylchloride, pleather, plastic, stainless steel, shaving, huffing paint, stealing hubcaps, prank calls, graffiti, aluminum, drug traffiking, the system, the grand scheme of things, the man, the master plan, con games, emotional mind-fucking, being highly inefficient, fucking stuff up methodically and systematically, forgery, aqua velva, black velvet, black lights on red velvet, blue velvet, velveeta, black sabbath, blacking out, white zombie, whitehall, absynthe, thin air, masturbation, mutual masturbation, being dis-intersted and uninteresting, telling secrets that people ask me not to tell anyone, discipline (dishing it out), confusing people, cb radios, big antennas, and el caminos, writing songs, rhymin and stealin; mixin' and matchin', mixin' and skratchin'; movin' and groovin'; chillin' and illin'; death and destruction; starting fights, ending fights, hanging out with senior citizens, fire, strobe lights, being bored, losing touch, breaking out, making out, take-out, faking out, freaking out, lightning bolts, nuts and bolts, nut-n-honey, bit-o-honey, little bitty titties (not so much), big titties (not so much either), ether, flying saucers, robots, ray guns, lasers guns, space guns, death rays, ray davies, reading for free all day at the bookstore, multi-tasking, making copies, twister, strip twister, strip checkers, strip backgammon, criticizing people, hide and seek, cumming in your mouth, mainlining jagermeister, coming up with great ideas and forgetting them minutes later, licking the insides of little plastic baggies i find on the ground, expanding my horizons, enlarging my penis, forgetting people's names, forgetting stuff, forgery, getting people in trouble, being a smart ass, bustin' loose, garage sales, pimpin' the hoes, down with the flow, layin' low, smashing big rocks into little rocks using only my enormous cock, breathing, flying kites, sushi, knigger knocking, knickers, knockers, knickerbockers, boxers, kickboxing, boxing day, box knoves, knifing, science, old skool anything, tossed salad, getting lost, seals and croft-(more like Seal and Syd & Marty Kroft), butterflies, buttfloss, frostys, frost-free refrigerators, blood splatter design, syringe art, dextrose, glucose, maltose, mint chocolate chip malts, re-mixing bad ass rock with killer techno, turning killer techno into bad ass rock, drum machines, sex machines, pussy magnets, margaritas (no salt), exposing faults, the blame game, AA, NA, N/A, CIA, NSA, FBI, CBGB, UFO's, F.U.C.K., not holding hands, stealing other people's ideas and taking the credit for myself, assfucking (giving), blowjobs (receiving), sex swings, the sex room, sexual her-ass-ment, topping that tragedy, glow-worm, my little pony, transformers, he-man, skeletor, stretch armstrong, evel kenevel, pinball machines, space invaders, bottlecaps, information, data, knowledge, staying up late, theoretical situations, transcendental meditation, astral projection, levitation, conspiracy theory, chaos theory, timothy leary, neurolinguistic programming, semantics, card tricks, white chicks, white meat, the other white meat, meating people, bossing people around, not going to church, being right all the time, particles, molecules, bucky balls, consciouness, doing everything wrong, taking the long way, doing things the hard way, the school of hard knocks, pointing and laughing at people, pork and beans, pork chops, choppers, choppin' broccoli, loose associations, reading between the lines, making all the wrong assumptions, getting traffic tickets, punctuation, being punctual (just kidding), driving the speed limit (just kidding), wearing seatbelts (not really), bitching about work, kidding around, shooting the breeze, shooting the shit, chewing the fat, big red, cleaning up bloodstains, technical jargon, legalese, siamese, japanese, easy does it, not being on myspace, distortion, fuzz, delay, reverb, echo, reverse, backmasking, reverse psychology (not really), psychiatry, giving cleveland steamers, philly cheesesteaks, chilidogs, angry pirates, cincinati bow-ties, donkey punches, tijuana mudslides, and dirty sanchez's. disguises. hating "modern" country music (and the people who like it). watching the weather, watching the world go round, watching the green green grass grow, mindreading, mindgames, mindfucking, landmines, my balls your chin, dancing, public displays of affection and lewdness, 2 of each, viking helmets, wresling masks, antibiotics, antipsychotics, the bionic woman, stalking, talking, j-walking, balking, coming in 2nd place, lying, repeating myself, lying, repeating myself, lying repeating myself, lying in bed, being naked, making fun of people, getting tattoos, crying for no reason (not really), shoplifting, the grapevine, hypnosis, did i already say shooting up heroin and smoking crack? calling in sick, the 80's called... they want their hairstyle back; changing my name, playing practical jokes on gary, did i already say lying-if i did i was lying. lying, hurting people's feelings, making up words like: scunch; churd; and garching. repeating myself, (parentheses), [brackets] ([placing brackets in parentheses]); turntables, decks, mixers, cables, 3/4 plugs, rca plugs, backpacks, theft, money, inventing the internet, being righteous, picnics, precision, smoking cigs, counting, losing shit all the time, rubbing hot crisco on my scabs, rewind, research, strip searches, wreckless endangerment (of others). I'm pretty much down with anything dangerous or fun. Oh yeah, i almost forgot. I also dig nervous breakdowns, pop rocks, suicide notes, polaroids, and sheets of acid. See my ad in Esquire Magazine and ask your doctor if "JUNKIE"- formerly known as "the guy formerly known as DUDE", is right for you.