Norwalk profile picture

Norwalk

I suck so you don't have to.

About Me

I'm the equivalent of your friend's stoner brother still living in his mom's basement waiting to develop that one thing that will make him a millionaire and yes, that guy's really 45, though he'll tell you he's 25. So far all of my best ideas have been stolen from me. You know that showtime Rotisserie grill? Yeah, I had that idea. Anyway, I usually like to hang out where Sike's Arcade used to be. I miss pizza strips at Dino's, but Jordan's has the best pizza anyway. I also got animatronic juice boxes that will sing AT you. Even though I'm like over 350 years old, it doesn't mean I can't hang with the best of you. I can totally drink you under the table. I'm looking in your direction, Wilton. Dry town, muthafuggas!! I OWN YOU! OWN3D!!!!

My Interests

Dairy Stores, Shenanigans, Being Lame, Killing Downtown, Drinking Dunkin' Donuts Coffee, Pizza, The sit-in Night Driver at Sike's, going to Sono Cinema and heckling the "Rocky" crowd, hanging at the Anthrax, selling booze to dry towns like Wilton, drinking your dad's gin, cruisin' Calf Pasture

I'd like to meet:

everybody because that way we can get the group discount

Music:

Whatever we can get to play at the Oyster Festival, Somewhere between Michael Bolton and 76% Uncertain and the Minutemen...oh yeah and that Terminator X solo album, that was hott, Plunderphonics

Movies:

anything at the Imax, Frankenhooker, Raise the Red Lantern, Earnest Goes to Africa, Shaft Scared Stupid, Manos: The Hands of Fate, The Wild Wild World of Batwoman, Eegah!, Over the Top, Against the Ropes, Play It to the Bone, Midnight Madness, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains, Silver Streak

Television:

The Blue Channel

Books:

String Theory for Dummies, Good Omens, The Screenplay for "Blackula", Nicholas Sparks' "Oprah Said You'd Like this One, Jay Sherman's "Buy My Book!"

Heroes:

The guy who busted Stew Leonard, Drinky Crow, Stryper, Michael Bolton, Charlie McCarthy, the Pepperidge Farm Guy

My Blog

The list of things I do not want for Christmas

I may suck, but apparently there are people out there who suck harder. You know who you are. You want me to download some of your myspace stalker programs or get me to see your webcam or tell me how I...
Posted by Norwalk on Wed, 30 May 2007 04:54:00 PST

Why I Have a Virus Named After Me

The Oyster Festival is one of those things that I'm actually ashamed of. Only lame bands like Kansas and Soma would play it and the arts and crafts are so low that for the most part, the best you can...
Posted by Norwalk on Sun, 11 Sep 2005 11:12:00 PST

Holy fucking Shit on a Stick

I thought we went over this... a while ago, but I guess I have to remind folks. Kansas. Kansas? I realize that "Old School" may have rekindled our love for "Dust in the Wind" but...fucking Ka...
Posted by Norwalk on Fri, 09 Sep 2005 09:04:00 PST

Writing your thoughts on the internet as if anybody reads it

Not that anyone is going to read this, but seriously, how many people out there think their diary is so prfound? It's not like your Anne Frank and hiding from the nazis. Basically we're vomitting up...
Posted by Norwalk on Wed, 07 Sep 2005 07:04:00 PST

I try not to turn down personal requests...

...but unfortunately, I can sell Rowayton off on eBay. Apparently, there's some bullshit called laws and someone somewhere informed me it's illegal and shit. I think the "someone somewhere" was Capt...
Posted by Norwalk on Tue, 30 Aug 2005 10:51:00 PST

Not a New Cool Person

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPro file&friendID=23821084 What I'm saying is... I want my money back.
Posted by Norwalk on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Trunk and The Junk Within

It's that time of year again. OK, I don't know what that means other than it's what half of the beginning of most car commercials start with. I'm just fucking bored. Just an hour ago, I contempla...
Posted by Norwalk on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Shit that'll make you blind

According to an article entitled "Last Call" in the Los Angeles Citybeat rag (Vol. 3, No. 26, Pg. 18), here is a list of the most crunkiest drinks for your summer. Please note, you have to be fucking...
Posted by Norwalk on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

Lately, I've been getting a lot of new people showing respect...ok, chances are you're just collecting me in hopes that little Stew giving the cow the reacharound ends up on your site, but either way,...
Posted by Norwalk on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Not everything sucks, some things are gay

Aw man... So ths weekend, I decided to hang with some homies and go represent. Big love to E. Paul Danielle A.M. Extra special big ups for the heads up on the bar cap so that we could stock up l...
Posted by Norwalk on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST