Official DYNASTY

WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED....... good thing I'm not holding my breath

people people. Listen up. Many of you "know" me for what I have to say, and how I say it. Many of you appreciate it. I have decided to branch out, Myspace is a great medium for networking. Well this guy is going to start his own blog now, because... well, because it can make me some damn money to fuel this mind. So why not? I need your support. I might resort to begging. But I figure most of you enjoy what I have to say enough to think "aww, let's help the guy out and then use him when he's rich". And I say, go for it. I'm not here to collect friends, more to promote myself and see if I can actually make you laugh. Try me.

So... let me get this straight. You don't love ME, you don't love my doggystyle, as the terribly cliche saying goes... you love my WRITING STYLE?

100% Italian and GOD DAMN PROUD OF IT

Oh boy. It's Boston time. I hate the one way streets everywhere and I will never pick up the accent but damn, it's going to be a fun ride here.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not always an asshole. But it's simple. I am on Myspace, so are you. We all pretend we don't want to talk to and meet random ass people that might have similar interests and all that bullshit but, face it, we do. And I like talking to people because it gives me new viewpoints to shoot down... all I ask is that you don't waste my time, and I promise I will not waste yours.

People are like "Hey Dane, you seem to hate so much. What do you like? I'm into romantic walks in the quicksand, candlelit breakfasts, watching the moonset, eating ham upside down, maybe on a train or a plane with some of those delicious green egg whites. Puppies and sunshine are boring and for hippies.

You won't get most of my opinions on here, for good reason. One, why formulate your opinion on me based on something I typed months ago and never update? I'm still opinionated, a little too opinionated. People might think of me as an asshole, I think of myself as someone who won't lie to you, about anything. Do you look bad in that shirt? YES! Do I think she likes you? No, because you have herpes. Let's be serious, it makes life easier. If you would rather I blow smoke up your ass, bend over (and promise you wont gas me)

I like people obsessed with dumb yet hilarious movie and television show quotes. I am almost strangely talented at impressions and terrible at charades. Why do they even consider that a game?

I am definitely an alpha male. But wait, that doesn't mean that I am a douche bag.... always. I just might act like a typical Italian every now and then on days that end in the letter Y. But not like those fucks giving us bad names running around with blowouts; taking more time to get ready than the average needy female. And as nice as I can be, if you want brutal honestly, stick with me. I don't see any reason to not tell it like it is. In this age of bullshit and backstabbing, why not just tell someone you don't like them or the crap they pull, instead of hiding and telling all your friends, waiting for it to get back to that person, and then you get a punch in the mouth. WHAT'S THE POINT!? That's why half my friends like me, they know if you get a few drinks in me or catch me in the right mood I'll say what everyone is thinking, but no one would dare to say. Alcohol, nature's truth serum.

Don't hate on me, I am the king of hating. I gave a girl my number once, told her it was 867-5309, and she proceeded to ask me how to spell my first name. I didn't think people that dumb existed anymore, but I am constantly proven wrong. Maybe that is my meaning of life. To point out the ignorants and otherwise unintelligent and teach them at least one or two things each day.

Speaking of drinks, I'm sure you are all DYING to know if I drink or do drugs or have children. So, yes, I do drink, pretty much only the weekends now though because of my wonderful yet incredible time consuming corporate job. I have the biggest crush on Jaegermeister (yes, I am being American and avoiding their proper punctuation) and Grey Goose makes me smile (I will not drink Popov, or anything "below" Absolut. Though if you ask me, Svedka is where it's at. It's not that I think I'm high class or anything, I cannot stand the taste of shitty vodka and have no problem spending an extra 20 bucks to get the deliciousness of the good stuff) Drugs, not anymore, I guess I used to be what some may call a pothead, but I called it a kid who loved to have a reason to eat. And that was years ago, I am a responsible man now... right?? Any other drugs I grew out of when I graduated college. As for children, no little kids have been knocking on my door looking for child support so I think I'm in the clear. Plus I am obviously a virgin.

I have crazy theories about everything, from why romantic movies are killing love and driving up divorce rates, to how pornography might be doing the same thing. Think about it ladies. Your convoluted idea of what is romantic is basically dependent on what Cosmo says guys should be doing and what the Hollywood decides is the craziest most awwwe inducing bullshit they could think of (this stuff doesn't happen in real life). I could be the most romantic guy alive but since I don't travel through deserts to return your bra to you that you left in my room 7 years ago, I'm not romantic enough. Honestly, pick my brain, ask me about weird random shit, I definitely have no problem speaking what is on my mind or guessing what is on yours. That's right, I moonlighted with Miss Cleo and can totally read your mind. Call me now!

No paragraph can describe such a mix of beauty, intelligence, humor, and especially modesty. If you think I am being completely serious here, then you are the best. I'm not cocky, I'm confident... so when you tell me I'm the best, I say "nah, I'm probably tied for 4th". I'm a nice guy, I swear, and I'm definitely always there for people that matter to me, and even some that don't, and I really don't know why. Maybe that stupid psychology degree, who knows. But the bottom line is, I just don't deal with a lot of bullshit. I'll be your best friend/lover until you lie, cheat and/or steal from me. Then we are at war! Hate the drama, save it for your baby mama, or dada, or something like that. It's not that I am full of myself, believe me, I am not. But I am an optimist, for sure, and I try to keep a positive outlook on everything that happens in life. That, and I know what my self worth is.

Ex frat boy, Ex band member, extra competitive in any sport imaginable (except soccer, i refuse to play soccer) AND I am the thumb wrestling champion of the world. SERIOUSLY, try me. You don't want to, your thumb will cry. I work hard, work out harder, and play hardest. Did you know Scrabble was invented in my old hometown? So was water, sex, and most importantly, sarcasm. I'm too smart for my own good but also full of somewhat useless knowledge. But hey, who doesn't love learning something new every day?

If you love adult swim, you should definitely holler.