About Me
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I was born on June 3, 1865, the second son of Edward VII and Alexandra. My early education was somewhat insignificant as compared to that of the heir apparent, my older brother Albert. I miss him so very dearly. I chose the career of professional naval officer, because I love the taste of seawater, and served competently until Albert died in 1892. This left me a very sad man. It wasn't too bad though, because I assumed the role of the heir apparent. I married Mary of Teck (affectionately called May) in 1893, who bore me four sons and one daughter. It didn't bother me that she was originally shagging my brother, because he always used a sheepskin sheath. I died the year after my lovely silver jubilee after a series of debilitating attacks of bronchitis, which bloody hurt quite a lot actually, on January 20, 1936. I'm alright again now, and am curious to try my hand at this so-called 'informationational superhighway'.I ascended the throne in the midst of a constitutional crisis, or somesuchlike: the budget controversy of 1910. These old landowning chaps, the Tories in the House of Lords, were at odds with these dratted Liberals in the Commons pushing for social reforms. When I agreed to create enough Liberal peerages to pass the measure, the Lords capitulated and gave up the power of absolute veto, resolving the problem officially with passage of the Parliament Bill in 1911. I did pretty well there I think! The first World War broke out in 1914, during which me and my German shepherd (hope you didn't mind that little joke May) made several visits to the front; on one such visit, my silly horse rolled on top of me, breaking my love trumpet, naturally, I remained in pain for the rest of my life from the injury, or the 'bad thing' as I called it. The worldwide depression of 1929-1931 deeply affected England, (as you may already know, sorry!) prompting me to persuade the heads of the three political parties (Labour, Conservative and dratted Liberal) to unite into a coalition government. By the end of the 1920's, me and my 'Windsors' as I decided to call them, were but one of few royal families who retained their status in Europe.During my stable reign, the relationship between dear old England and the rest of the Empire underwent several changes. An independent Irish Parliament was established in 1918 after the Sinn Fein uprising in 1916, and the Government of Ireland Act (1920) divided Ireland along religious lines. May God raze the houses of these iconoclastic hooligans. Canada, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa demanded the right of self-governance, the inconsiderate buggers, after the war, resulting in the creation of the British Commonwealth of Nations by the Statute of Westminster in 1931. Even my dear old friend, 'India' was accorded some degree of self-determination with the Government of India Act in 1935. These stupid foreign types simply refused to understand they were better off under us wondrous Brits.The nature of the monarchy evolved through the influence of me and my genius. In contrast to my dear old grandmamamamamamamamamamamama and father - the former's ambition to exert political influence in the tradition of Elizabeth I and daddy's aspirations to manipulate the destiny of nations - my fantastical royal perspective was considerably more humble, if I do say so myself (just a little joke). I strove to embody those qualities which the nation saw as their greatest strengths: diligence, dignity and duty. The monarchy transformed from an institution of constitutional legality to the bulwark of traditional values and customs (particularly those concerning the family). Robert Lacey described me as such: ". . . as his official biographer felt compelled to admit, King George V was distinguished 'by no exercise of social gifts, by no personal magnetism, by no intellectual powers. (I shall see you hung for that one, Lacey old chum!) He was neither a wit nor a brilliant raconteur, neither well-read nor well-educated, and he made no great contribution to enlightened social converse. He lacked intellectual curiosity and only late in life acquired some measure of artistic taste.' He was, in other words, exactly like most of his subjects. He discovered a new job for modern kings and queens to do - representation."
So, how are you, my dear, dear, dear dumplings?
What do you think was my finest hour?
Succesfully aiding this wonderful nation through a grave and terrible war
Adeptly creating more Peers to avert social revolution, 1910-11
Utilising radio to communicate with my humble subjects, creating the tradition, nay, institution, of the Royal Christmas speech
Steadfastly clinging on to power in the interwar period, bucking the Europe-wide trend of political revolt against monarchical institutions
Silver Jubilee, 1935
Being generally loved from Aberdeen to Zimbabwe (Rhodesia)
When the horse crushed my pelvis
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