The Glengarry Leads - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm 5'10" and quasi-successful. I would rate myself a solid 7.5 (8 when I'm drunk) and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I am opposed to children getting cancer.
I'm in my 20's, but being that I can't get a girl under the age of 29 to return my phone calls, I've been forced to adopt an "Age is Just a Number" policy.
I bathe almost daily.
I graduated high school, college, and was working professionally here in LA all before I could legally drink. I write and work in television, but not at the same time. I do alright for myself, but I'm not capable of being a sugar daddy.
I like to pick up bar tabs. I'm a very good bowler. I'm polite. I'm not easily embarrassed. I know the difference between "your" and "you're." I don't have washerboard abs. I don't use the word "party" as a verb.
I have a car I can't afford to make up for my small penis. I have graduated from a futon to a bed, but I still have a 30" Ash doll from Army of Darkness.
I will make you laugh until milk comes out of your nose - even if you're not drinking milk.
I enjoy the drink. I enjoy the gamble. I enjoy the classic rock. I enjoy the fast food.
I like holding doors open for people, and I like to tell a person's manager when he or she is doing a good job. Sometimes I yell at people in public when they're being a-holes.
I like making bad jokes.
I believe in God, but not really in religion - I don't think he cares whether or not I eat meat on Fridays.
I dislike "guys" for the most part (see 99% of MySpace's male profiles).

I do not care for people who make a big deal about working in the entertainment industry, nor do I care for wet on socks.
I work in television, production, internet, comedy, poker, writing, and radio. Ideally, I'm at my happiest when I'm combining one or more of them. Except poker. I hate poker.
Here's an example of when I combine comedy, writing, internet, and radio:
Here's some examples of internet, writing, and comedy (sort of):
Here's an example of when I combine comedy, production, and internet:
See more funny videos at Funny or DieSee more funny videos at Funny or DieSee more funny videos at Funny or Die

My Interests

comedy, baseball, writing, television, film, video games, James Bond, classiness, ethics, Vegas, Texas Hold 'em,

I'd like to meet:

Be sane. Be rational.

Be the opposite of bitter. Sarcasm is fun, but only in small doses.

Don't be what I like to call "anti-anti," which means don't hate on everything. Don't be too cool for school.

Disagree with someone, but don't judge them. Consider the fact that you might be wrong on occasion.

Don't have double standards.

Don't like to fight. When you have to fight, fight fair. When you're hurt, express it, don't hurt back.

Apologize.

Don't litter.

Don't make people feel bad for doing the right thing.

Don't take people or things for granted.
Give back.

Try not to think you're better than everyone too often; you very well may be, that's not your decision to make.

Don't hate on America and Americans - it's got flaws just like you. If you have never made any sort of contribution to society, don't criticize the people who run it.

Don't be so unhappy with yourself to the point where you insult the people who think you're great.

Cockiness and low self-esteem make for a terrible combination: unnecessary inconsolability.

Don't be so hyper-intelligent that you somehow come to the conclusion that there's no hope for you or anyone else.

Take responsibility. Fix your own mistakes. Make mistakes. Tell people your problems, but don't be angry or surprised when they can't get behind your bad decisions.

Eat what you want.

Do what you want. If you smoke, you had better love it. Don't waste your time with things you neither like nor feel good about.

Respect the people in your life enough to be punctual.

Remember: There but for the Grace of God/Allah/Jehovah/Buddha/The Great Spirit/Blind Dumb Luck, go I.

If I can't find that, then I guess I'd still like to meet a bisexual nymphomaniac gymnast masseuse who owns a liquor store/Best Buy with a Taco Bell drive through.

A single Evelyn Ng.

Music:

Anything by white people. Just kidding. No gays either. But seriously folks - Sam Cooke, Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Foo Fighters, Head Automatica, Tenacious D, Elliott Smith, My Chemical Romance, AC/DC, Journey, Styx, The Larry's, Powder, Alice in Chains, Boston, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Guns n' Roses, James Brown, Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass, Maroon 5, Dan the Automator. Some guilty pleasures like: Barenaked Ladies, Avril Lavigne, Paul Oakenfold, Justin Timberlake.

Movies:

Brick, V for Vendetta, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, A History of Violence, Serenity, Swingers, Out of Sight, The Sting, The Spanish Prisoner, Evil Dead, Glengarry Glen Ross, Big Trouble in Little China, From Dusk Till Dawn, Zero Effect, Donnie Darko, Big Fish, Field of Dreams, Brick, The Ref, Quick Change, Groundhog Day, Tao of Steve, Goldfinger, Blade, Fright Night, The Goonies, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Spartan, Real Genius, Super Troopers, Wet Hot American Summer, Signs, Unbreakable, Boondock saints, Amelie, Dummy eighty million more.

Television:

Adult Swim, Arrested Development, The Shield, Smallville, MADtv, Kids in the Hall, Upright Citizens Brigade, Futurama, Family Guy, Reno 911, The State, Conan O'Brien, Strangers with Candy, Sports Night, South Park, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Dr. Katz, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, Harvey Birdman, Seinfeld, Man Bites Dog

Books:

Still Life with Woodpecker, Positively Fifth Street, The Spanish American War: In Words and Pictures, Everybody Poops, Dilbert Volumes I-XXIV.

Heroes:

Jack Black, Denis Leary, Aeneas, Indiana Jones, Ash, James Bond, David Mamet, Ricky Jay, The Bobsey Twins, Andrew Jackson, Winston Churchill, Major Dad

My Blog

Really Need Your Help!!!

For those who do not know, it is my (current) dream that mine and Scott Huff's radio show - "Two Jacks in the Hole" become my career. Well, we've currently made the second round of a contest being hel...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 02:13:00 PST

R.I.P. Brad Delp (1952 - 2007)

Brad Delp, lead singer of "Boston," passed away today. He was 55 years old.I have "more than a feeling" that Brad will be sorely missed."I'm just taking my time, and I'm movin' on. Don't f...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Sat, 10 Mar 2007 07:58:00 PST

New Roommate...

Over a month ago, my brother and I had a pretty decent fight that left him saying "I hate you. You're dead to me. I'm moving out." And me saying "Okey doke."After speaking with numerous humans on the ...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Wed, 07 Mar 2007 02:53:00 PST

What It Feels Like for a Girl....

So this weekend I went to a gay bar. I usually have fun in gay bars. They're typically swanky, clean, and have pretty decent music playing. But most of all: they're gay. In the literal sense.The d...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Mon, 05 Mar 2007 02:39:00 PST

Pokerwire Radio's Inaugural Guests

The first two guests for Pokerwire Radio are:Allen Cunningham and Layne Flack.That's right. We've got the mega poker genius Allen Cunningham on the show, and we all know Layne's the man. Let's get som...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Sat, 24 Feb 2007 11:06:00 PST

PokerWire Radio

Poker Wire Radio - Get Your Questions InPokerWire Radio Premiere's from the L.A. Poker Classic tomorrow. Start getting in your questions for the hosts and guests to [email protected] you kno...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Fri, 23 Feb 2007 12:43:00 PST

Worst Blog Ever.

There are two quotes I really like about having to listen to other peoples' dreams:"You dreams are fuckin' boring. That's why you're asleep when you're having them." --Ted Alexandro"I hate listeining...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Fri, 16 Feb 2007 10:48:00 PST

L.A. Fit-Files - Volume 2

Some quick bullet points about the men's locker room facilities at the gym:-- There are no curtains at L.A. Fitness on Hollywood Blvd, I guess. In this day and age have we not progressed past concent...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Fri, 16 Feb 2007 06:24:00 PST

Rap Warz 2007!!!!

After the Grammy's last night, I got to thinking a bit about music. After seeing the winner of "Best Rap Album" and having all the nominees sound just like bells and whistles to me, I was reminded of...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 03:57:00 PST

Drivers Wanted?

On my way to work today, I found myself thinking about metaphors and adages:"Drivers Wanted""If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes""Don't take a backseat to life"Et cetera, et cetera.Then...
Posted by The Glengarry Leads on Fri, 09 Feb 2007 01:13:00 PST