Maharaja of Selfistan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Cheese. Park. Liquor. And you. I'm totally into y-o-u. Really. I'm serious.I love making the rounds.

My Interests

ChapStick, cooking/BBQing w/friends, phobics, 1977 Camaros, SEC football, beachy things, sleeping in public arenas specifically Plummer Park, hiking, stars (in the sky), croquet, travel, sunmuthafuckinshine, scuba diving with chicks, things that rhyme with "orange", trannies, super tall palm trees, cheese - any and all kinds, women and women who love melcryptovestimentaphiliacs who love dry vodka martinis with lemon twists, HCF, bocci ball, dental dams, tennis, "It's Just Lunch", quantum physics, polydactyl orphans...and, or course, wampum.

I'd like to meet:

Tasty little flowers, a cluricaun, Lynyrd Skynard - the gym teacher, an ecobioretoethomorphophysiocytophylogeneticist with a keen sense of humour, Errol Flynn, and Jimmy the Progeriac...oh, unknown bands and hookers...aaaaaaaaaand this guy: Lastly, other people who aren't really interested in me.

Music:

Can't play but love to listen.

Movies:

I offer back "Rental or theatre", oh wise sage. Oddly, a strange amnesic affect overwhelms me when I try to recall movie titles...for now, Bottle Rocket and Dead Poets Society. I am a sad clown.

Television:

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Books:

The Sett, Jitterbug Perfume, Brave New World, Man's Search for Meaning, PG Wodehouse, The Fountainhead, Confederacy of Dunces, Atlas Shrugged, Chicken, Adios Muchachos, You Got Nothing Coming...and other books I haven't read.

Heroes:

Citizen Brotteaux...and unrelatedly I want to reinstate the fatwah on Salman Rushie. UPDATE: Fatwah off, I say! Padme left him.

My Blog

String Theory aka Get It?

For me, and other high voltage minds. So quit reading here. Yes, you...Kent, this is God speaking.This is for the vets, too, especially the ones who witnessed the event EXACTLY 65 years ago. Suppor...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Thu, 13 Jul 2006 03:36:00 PST

Scapegoats aka Is Nothing Sacred

As a defender of animal rights I find the below representation of our fellow earth inhabitants abhorrant, racist, and damnable, nevermind libelous. The Mountain Mouse doesn't war, pimp, nor tax our w...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Fri, 03 Nov 2006 12:54:00 PST

Hell: Not just a summer home

From aforementioned friend.Wear a diaper, you're going to wet yourself.xohello all-Many of you have heard me rant about the biggest bitch of a boss known to man. I often refer to her as Barney (she w...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Fri, 03 Nov 2006 12:58:00 PST

Guts or Balls: A prospective survey for both sexes

From the same company that disproved males being composed of puppy dog tails comes a short questionaire that hopes to bridge the communication gap between men and womyn.1) Do you agree strongly, agree...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Fri, 20 Oct 2006 10:24:00 PST

Corky, et al. or Not For the Weak-Knee Pinkos

From a friend of mine who teaches special kids. Hello All-Happy Weekend! Yesterday was "Hawaiian Dress Up" Day at our school. No specific reason to have a Hawaiian themed day yesterday - why we did...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Mon, 18 Sep 2006 12:46:00 PST

Live from Central Florida aka I Need Me Some

The following is a list of the top songs that get Central Florida in "The Mood". As I am inexperienced at the art of seduction and Joe Tex's I Gotcha seems to put the "uck" in fuck, I'm hoping to put...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Fri, 18 Aug 2006 12:25:00 PST

Germany versus Poland aka One Month Early

I'm over this shit. The inside jokes are great. I'm speaking of the psychophants and whores. The masses are a terrible group of miscreants that don't need, nevermind deserve, freedom. The Hindi struct...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Tue, 01 Aug 2006 12:02:00 PST

Rod aka The Monster

I don't know how many of you know "Rod" well. For those who don't, may I paint a picture?He's a wee man. He's also not funny, and less bright, but a terrific dancer, considering his club foot. Speakin...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Wed, 26 Jul 2006 11:05:00 PST

Vegas aka Cold at 114 Degrees

I wanted to write you earlier, however, it took me a few days to relearn English, regain non-blurred vision, and remember how to eat. Vegas, why? Why do you tease me, you cunty leper. So many light...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Thu, 06 Jul 2006 12:34:00 PST

East Alaska aka How to Kill Tourism

Seeking to crack down on sexual predators in the era of the Internet, Canada's government brought in legislation on Thursday that would raise the legal age of sexual consent to 16 from an unusually yo...
Posted by Maharaja of Selfistan on Fri, 23 Jun 2006 04:27:00 PST