Chris Porter profile picture

Chris Porter

If women treated me better, I'd be broke and anonymous. Thanks, Bitches.

About Me

I tend to fart. I curse too much. I think the ringer on my phone is broken cause no one ever calls. I tell jokes. Professionally. I drive a Volvo. No one likes me.

My Interests

PLaying guitar, writing, listening to music, girls, pretty girls, ugly girls who can keep a secret.

I'd like to meet:

Chris & Rich Robinson, and anybody who doesn't begin to annoy the shit out of me after 10 minutes.

Music:

The Black Crowes!!! Led Zeppellin, Allman Brothers, The Band, Ray LaMontagne, Galactic, Joe Cocker, Ray Charles, Bill Withers, Parliament, Stevie Wonder, Al Green, Elton John (pre-1980's), Prince, Kanye West, 2pac, any musical asrtist with the least bit of relevance...

Television:

The Simpsons, Seinfeld, Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, The Daily Show, and any show that my friends are on.

Books:

Ishmael, The Story of B

Heroes:

Mitch Hedberg, my Dad, and my uncles Jeff, Norm, and Tom. The Black Crowes.

My Blog

Just left the plaza and...

"You wanna be free?  Then don't speak like a slave to me."It seems to me, as of late, that individuality has become a crime.  I look around and I see everyone looks like they just stepped ou...
Posted by Chris Porter on Fri, 04 Jan 2008 02:16:00 PST

Just checkin' in..

" And just like water on the ground, we will find our way."     Greetings friends, and thanks for still being interested in my journey.  I have taken the last month off. ...
Posted by Chris Porter on Wed, 04 Jul 2007 03:14:00 PST

Blogging on your face.

" they say that time will kill the pain, I say that pain is gonna kill my time"      Like a boiled frog, sometimes you don't know how crazy things have gotten until it's too l...
Posted by Chris Porter on Sun, 04 Mar 2007 12:38:00 PST

New Year, New Car, New Girl, New Problems...(take 2)

"No time left now for shame.  Horizon behind me, no more pain.  Wiindswept stars blink and smile.  Another song, aonther mile."   I got to admit.  I am a little scared.&n...
Posted by Chris Porter on Sun, 07 Jan 2007 01:24:00 PST

A quick

"Touched from up above and touched between your legs.  But which one, baby, burns?"    Greeting and Salutations to all who gaze upon these words.  I hope your world is sunny a...
Posted by Chris Porter on Tue, 07 Nov 2006 08:16:00 PST

it wains...

"You think you're in heaven but you're living in hell.  Only time will tell.."Greetings and Good Wishes from another hotel room-    I apologize it has been such a long time since w...
Posted by Chris Porter on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 01:21:00 PST

It continues...

"The gold affections of my past now are just rusted tin"    The ride is getting bumpy, and I don't know how much I dig it anymore.  The facade has become thinner, but at the same t...
Posted by Chris Porter on Fri, 21 Jul 2006 03:46:00 PST

The Birth of Beef Squad Jr.

"Sometimes the memory only sees what it wants to believe, and what fills in between, days and nights dont't mean a thing"     First of all I would to thanks all of you that have taken...
Posted by Chris Porter on Mon, 26 Jun 2006 04:52:00 PST

It Begins

" No one is ever going to find you; if you don't get yourself lost."        It begins.  The commercails have begun airing.  The long lost realtives have begun callin...
Posted by Chris Porter on Mon, 29 May 2006 05:28:00 PST

Blogging in my pants

"...and if your heart is beating free, then for the very first time, it will be alright." I've been doing comedy for well over seven years, and it has not been until recently that I have begu...
Posted by Chris Porter on Fri, 10 Feb 2006 10:29:00 PST