Peter

I think that New Year's Day should be once every 4 years -like the Olympics... It takes me that long to recover from my Olympic hangover. Plus, it'll cut way down on my uncle Fred trying to corner me under the mistletoe. And getting drunk and lying in the gutter should be an Olympic event. I need an award that I can realistically aspire to. And Olympic athletes should go back to being naked, because I can't afford the porno channel. And the Olympics should stop discriminating against fat people. Pie eating should be an Olympic event -maybe even pie throwing. And we need a morbidly obese, naked 100 yard dash. We need to apply the rules of affirmative action to the Presidency and to Congress. Either that, or the President of the United States should be the winner of a nationwide bingo game. And eating frozen concentrated orange juice with a brittle plastic spoon should be an Olympic event. My favorite famous albino is Edgar Winter. The finest achievement of mankind is the polyester leisure suit. It's a wrinkle-free, timeless design which will outlive all life on planet earth. Why, the hell, can we send a man to the moon, but we don't know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?!!!!Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I hereby challenge Stephen Hawking to a wrestling match for his ill-conceived 'chronolgy protection conjecture.' That's right, Hawking, you can roll, but you can't hide!/STYLE