Le Comedien

Sometimes when I sweat it smells of celery::: As of Feb 2007 I will never have a wet dream involving Britney Spears again. One time I took a shit in a top hat. This story does not involve alchohol in anyway.::: Jack Daniels Whisky and Cheetos never mix in anyway.:::I am convinced Alanis Morissette and Anthony Keidis from Red Hot Chili Peppers are one in the same. Until I see them in the same room I will continue to believe this.::: Everytime Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Dani California" comes on the radio and the beat starts I like to start singing "Last Dance With Maryjane" by Tom Petty instead..... because it's the same song::: How come there's only first class assholes? I'm always hearing people are first class assholes. But never 2nd or 3rd class assholes. Does that mean all assholes are at the top of there game?::: I once heard a waiter in a Boyton Beach Florida TGI Fridays tell a waitress he found a bobcat in his basement the night before and wrestled it. I was in amazement and wonderment as I listened to this enchanting story, until i realized it wasnt possible. Florida doesnt have basements.::: I thought I saw the actor who plays Harry Potter and his aunt in a grocery store once, I approached the young wizard but it turned out to be this ugly middle aged woman wearing a sweater. One time when I was at a grocery store late at night I'll head "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman playing, and I'll felt depressed and dropped all my groceries and ran out to my car and and just starting driving, speeds so fast like I was drunk, just to have a feeling like I belong.::: Does Optimus Prime make that transforming noise when he takes a shit too? I always wanted to know.::: I'm mad at director James Cameron for making me believe that Jesus lost his virginity 2000 years before I did.::: I'm going as Amy Winehouse for halloween.::: Does wondering what ever happened to Arsenio Hall make me unusual?::: I saw David Lee Roth at an AppleBee's in Times Square New York 2 years ago, I overheard him complaining the price of the shrimp and steak combo was too expensive. Then I thought i overheard him say " I'll wait till the price comes down, I'm talking straight from the heart".::: Sometimes I like to sit in my car and park it right across from a parking lot or driveway that has a really bad dip just so I can see countless cars scrape thier bottoms... and laugh::: One time I imagined what it would be like to have Thanksgiving dinner with the Hobbits from middle earth., that one time was last thanksgiving. Thanksgiving rocks in October!!!::: In the news recently two cubs were found around campsites and near peoples houses looking for food because their mother bear was rounded up and taken away several weeks before. It was later revealed that the mother bear was infact Britney Spears.::: I'd like to picture in future episodes of CAVEMAN, that they'll be episodes where one of the cavemen go to a plastic surgeon for botox, and another episode where one of the cavemen become a OBGYN.::: I thought recently I was coming down with MRSA on my groin but it turned out it was from chaffing from too much self pleasure.::: Sometimes when someone cant find something in my house and it's right infront of them and I tell them where it's at and they still dont see it, I ask them if they'd like me to Mapquest it for them., But then I realize they still wont find it.:::