I have a weird sense of humor most people don't get. I have been known to be very sarcastic and caustic at times. I have a quick wit and a quicker mouth, and a long list of all the ways it has gotten me in trouble. I love to read, I miss having time to paint, I am introverted, but can be the center of attention when I feel the urge. I am very laid back. Almost comatose at time. Medical stuff fascinates me. So does shiny stuff. I love black and white photography, painting, creating jewelry, and petting fluffy stuff.
I hate fake people, listening to people bitch about their sex life, people who are mean just for the fun of it, backstabbing dickweeds, bad dye jobs, the itchy feeling of a new tattoo healing, people who give lousy head, bad breath, wearing shoes, Paris Fucking Hilton, white-trash rich bitches in general, the abbreviation LOL, shallow people, and people who hate to read.
I am hysterically funny. No, seriously. My comedic timing is legendary. Like Sleepy Hollow and shit. Only I don't have a pumpkin for a head and I hate whoopie cushions.
I find that if I eat too much whipped cream I get sick. So I eat just enough. My favorite part of the bible is in Proverbs "If you find honey eat just enough, too much and you will vomit." They are a lot of motherfuckers out there eating too much honey. Mostly in Washington.
I wonder if I will ever amount to anything and if I do what will that anything be? I think I would make a great supermodel, except for the not eating, cocaine, shallow vapidness, stupidity, and general lack of books smarts. That and I am a fat chick. But that $10,000 a day shit? I could totally fuck that shit up, yo.
If I had a million dollars I would buy your love.
Things I will someday do:
Pull all the kleenex out of a box, one at a time.
Squeeze out all the toothpaste from a brand new tube.
Wash my hair in milk.
Soak my feet in blue food coloring.
Build my vulture collection up to more than just two items.
Buy a dremel kit for my jewelry making.
Learn to make stained glass.
Shave my head.
I hate artificial bacon flavored things. I would vote to make them illegal but I quit believing in the voting system right about the time we ended up with four more years. Not that the Ketchup King was a good choice either. Why didn't Jon Stewart run? Because he's a comedian dumbass. Geez, you're an idiot.
Which reminds me, I love me some ketchup. Grilled ketchup sandwiches ( like gilled cheese, only no cheese--just ketchup) and ketchup on krispy creme doughnuts are some of my favorites. Only doughnuts are the devil and I avoid them like a yeast infection. Seriously, the take like 4 days to digest and drain your body of it's important supply of uranium. How the hell are you gonna wipe your own ass with out uranium? Wait, maybe I'm thinking of toilet paper.
I am currently shedding like a cat. I think I may have the mange. Either that or my man is loosening my hair at night as I sleep. Or maybe it's just hot ass hell down here. Yep, that's probably it.
I am warning you bitches now, the day Hollywood decides to make a full length movie of "Perfect Strangers" you assholes better back the fuck up cause I will be first in line.
Oh and I am still allergic to shellfish.Get Your Own Voice Player Manage
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