Where my dog is concerned, I become increasingly crazier every day.
I hate wearing shoes.
I also hate the words "utilize" and "moist."
My new least favorite word is "elucidate."
It's a very unclear word that means "to make things clear."
Irony like that just pisses me off.
I like naps.
I hate the sound of styrofoam rubbing together.
I cannot touch cotton balls.
I like the smell of new shower curtains.
My BEST FRIEND calls me "tits."
You probably shouldn't call me that.
Don't call me "muffin," either.
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"For every event that occurs, there will follow
another event whose existence was caused by the
first, and this second event will be pleasant or
unpleasant according as its cause
was skillful or unskillful."
-The Law of Karma
"The one who has the fewest points will have to
wear a sign that says "Jackass" on his back."
-Guido Orefice
"Sometimes, even if you lose, you win."
-Elie Weisel
"The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway."
-Mother Theresa
"Take nothing but pictures.
Leave nothing but footprints.
Kill nothing but time."
-Chief Seattle
"In a time of universal deceit,
telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
-George Orwell
"You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man.
I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook
up with 'em later."
-Mitch Hedberg
"Senator, when you took your oath of office,
you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to
uphold the Constitution. You did not place your
hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."
-Jamie Raskin
"My advice is to get them off right after your shoes
and before your trousers...that's the sock gap.
Miss it and suddenly you're a naked man in socks.
No self-respecting woman will let a naked
man in socks do the squelchy with her"
-Jeff Murdock
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