A Tale of Two Gimps - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I tell the true and hiliarious story of two young men who had their lives drastically changed by spinal cord injuries, one from a car wreck, the other from a shotgun blast. I don't look for pity or remorse and I don't want sympathy. I'm too busy laughing at myself and those around me, gimps or not, and you will too when you read my pages. You'll find inside of me so many personalities that I make Sybil look like an only child. Duff made me what I am today, a story of hope and courage, of perseverance and determination. I'm full of loyalty, discipline and hard work, but most importantly a biting humor that will have you laughing in spite of yourself, and fun really is the best thing to have. I'll make you laugh out loud at times from the experiences Duff and Mouse went through, and make you realize that your life isn't all that bad...considering. I'm full of fun and full of shit, a joyous romp through the lives of these guys, told through my eyes, living with the limitations of their disabilities. Duff is the top friend on my list. Click on him for more personal stuff, blogs, stories, pictures and the like.
To learn even more about me...
COME OVER AND PARTY AT MY PLACE WWW.2GIMPS.COM

My Interests

The interests of a book are extremely limited as we're constantly encased in the same story everyday. Sometimes my readers take me to places like the beach, but the sand always gets stuck in my crack and I hate when that happens. I've been on rutted city streets and washed out mountain roads that shook my spine and rattled my mind. I've been dropped and thrown and sat on til I moaned, since hot butts in July can make a Green Beret cry. I don't need interests, that's what Duff's for, but I do like pretty girls, green, leafy vegetable matter...and oh yeah, chocolate.

I'd like to meet:

Simon or Shuster. Barnes or Noble. Mr. 20th Century Fox. Mr. Universal Pictures. Kevin Smith. Johnny Knoxville. Eddie Van Halen. Ari Gold. Babe Ruth. Arnold the pig from Green Acres, Scooby Doo, and maybe a midget since I haven't puked since 1984. Jessica Alba, Nicole Lenz, or Dawson Miller. They can have any part in my movie they want. Anyone who can make me more than I am today, 409 pages of goofiness and funny shit...literally when it comes to Mouse, who's cleverly disguising himself as Vinnie on my friends list.
Click here to read excerpts about me at Google Books

Music:

I was born earless and will never be able to wear glasses but Van Halen always gets my pages turning, and Jackson Browne's lyrics make me think. Yes I'm earless and deaf but my best friend was written in braille, and she's a mighty fine teacher with exceptional rhythm and grace. Have you ever seen a book do the hospital hobble? I'm friggin' amazing, if I don't trip and land face first in the begonias.
Check me out at my place 2GIMPS.COM

Movies:

I hope to be a movie someday so I can watch myself.

Television:

Duff props me up on the couch and makes me watch different sports and car races, pretending to be a man. He also, however, watches a few shows on the Food Channel...big sissie. He refuses to order the Playboy channel for me to enjoy so you be the judge. Is he a big flamer in waiting or just a cheap bastard?

Books:

I AM a book.

Heroes:

Joe "Duff" McBride. If it wasn't for him and his warped sense of humor, I would be one of a million stories never told or gone unread, gathering dust in a closet or...HEY I am kinda dusty over here. Duff, get off your fuckin' ass and sell MY crazy ass like the pimp that you're not, but like the whore that I am. Turn me out on the streets Gimp Daddy, I'm ready. Then we'll have a chat about that hero crap.

My Blog

Big and Jigglin Woman

The story of an internet relationship gone horribly wrong. Upon meeting her, she wasn’t 5’ 4" 115 lbs. People lie on the internet? Nooooo. Big and Jigglin’ Woman ...
Posted by A Tale of Two Gimps on Fri, 04 Apr 2008 05:30:00 PST

Blog or Bulletin?

It has recently come to my attention that there is a big world of blog out there, or in here as it were, and though I couldn’t give you the Funk and Wagnall definition of a blog, I dove head fir...
Posted by A Tale of Two Gimps on Wed, 26 Mar 2008 08:10:00 PST

Intro to A Tale of Two Gimps...two pages

Webster’s first definition of the word gimp is "an ornamental flat braid or round cord used as a trimming." Duff knew nothing of flat braids or trimmings, but over the last 20 years he’s b...
Posted by A Tale of Two Gimps on Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:17:00 PST