eden profile picture

eden

Every Princess Needs a Mallet.

About Me

I am a Jewish American Princess.I throw like a girl, and my head hurts.I get drunk off of one beer, but I would much rather have a screwdriver or an amaretto sour. I have been called funny, crazy,and, uh...crazy. I once had a swell public access show and i became quite famous in a "nobody knows who the hell I am" kind of way.I think people should use the word "vulva" in everyday conversation, like"that sweater you are wearing is so vulva!" see-it works! I enjoyed working in a comic/book store for over a year and refusing to see the "star wars" trilogy. I enjoy writing short horror stories and working on my young adult novel. It is not so much Sweet Valley High like, as it is Paul Zindel like. I like the word like. I am frequently politically incorrect and it is fun. I like to use the word VAGINA. I lived in C Squat for many many years and all the drugs and alcohol I consumed preserved me so I still look like I am 16 years old. I walked dogs for a living last year and boy did I pick up a lot of feces. Dogs void an awful lot of urine too, i've noticed. I play ukulele, and I sing and play ukulele in The East River String Band- which covers old timey, hillbilly, country blues music like Memphis Jug Band, Dick Justice, Skip James, Charley Patton,Hokum Boys, Skillet Lickers, Moonshine Kate and more! Please come see us play sometime or around the city. If you hate us you can yell rude things and throw stuff(at John that is). I have been through a lot of shit in my life but I'm still an optimistic person. An optimistic person who harbors a burning hatred towards people. If you are backstabbing, manipulative, and a big fat liar, kindly leave me alone. I am trying to get my shit together at the age of 32 so i went to college and got a degree in English Literature. This means I have no job. I really enjoy life and being alive. I kind of just really like myself these days.I also like Ambien. Shit.
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My Interests



going to the beach, reading underground comics, dancing to 80's music, playing the ukulele, singing, writing, my crazy cats Harlequinn and Delgado, voiding urine, chasing waterfalls ,smoking crack, antique cameos, tattoos, vintage clothes, vintage jewelery, hats with veils, seahorses, music from the 1920's and 30's, serial killers, art and tattoos by sophie crumb, my Johnny's comix, being sarcastic, making fun of people, falling down stairs, clothes, learning from mistakes but making the same ones over and over again just for fun, more clothes, avoiding people who are evil and suck, talking a bunch of shit, compulsively washing my hands, checking for headlice, more clothes, being obsessed with people who have bad plastic surgery, telling people that my boyfriend is actually my dad, menstruating, wearing costumes every day, being addicted to sleeping pills, winning the lottery-preferably the mega millions one. I have a dollar and a dream.

I'd like to meet:

I want to meet people who sit in chairs, eat food, and have one big eye in the middle of their face. I want to meet the brilliant composer who wrote the Mr. Softee ice cream Truck theme song.Uh, let me think... Oh yeah- and anyone who wants to give me stuff. And people who won't touch any of my stuff. Also, Amy Sedaris(she can't unfry things), Al Columbia, and ghosts. I shall one day marry Elliot Offen from Howard Stern. He is so not gay! I do not want to meet any stalkers, so please just continue following me from a distance.... Uh, that's about it...okay bye now...it's been swell but the swellings gone down. Oh, and these guys:

Music:

The band I sing and play in has a profile on myspace....The East River String Band so Get thee there now! oh yeah and I like MSR Song Poems, Gourmet Scum, The Zit Remedy/The Zits, The Beach Boys,Black Sabbath, Ween,Tom Jones, Aimee Mann,The Beatles, Nirvana,some punk,some new wave,some 60's garage,Janis Joplin, Air Supply,Styx, Queen,Journey,Skip James, 80's, Garage, Wizard's Beard,East River String Band(some self promotion),Devo,Iron Maiden, The Move, Olivia Newton-John, Powerpuff Girls soundtrack, Butthole Surfers, Parliament, Funkadelic, Rudimentary Peni, Jello Biafra,They Might Be Giants,Jon Brion, Gravediggaz, ELO, Tomorrow, The 13th Floor Elevators, The Standells,The Ventures,Duran Duran, the Go-Go's, Queen, The Alarm, The B52's, A Chorus Line soundtrack, Chicago soundtrack, Cat Stevens, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young,The Byrds, Donna Summer,Dead Kennedys,The Kinks(old stuff),The Yardbirds, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Bob Dylan, Richard Cheese-Lounge Against the Machine,Violent Femmes, Fiona Apple,TLC, Salt and Pepa,Charles Manson,The Who,Abba,Crass, Chumbawumba,Choking Victim,Leftover Crack,Apples In Stereo,Gwar,Bitches With Problems,Metallica(old),Def Leopard,Guns 'n Roses,XTC, Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack, old Michael Jackson/Jackson Five, music from the 20's and 30's like Memphis Minnie, Ma Rainey, Hattie Hart, Victoria Spivey, The Boswell Sisters, Charley Patton, Skip James, Memphis Jug band,Sam Chatmon, Lucille Bogan, um... The Roulette Sisters, and the list can go on and on...I have a very eclectic taste in music and honestly do like Air Supply and Abba...hey-they wrote damn good pop songs! Leave me alone!

Movies:

Off the Charts, The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb, Night of the Hunter, Secretary, Fire Walk With Me, Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, Playmate of the Apes, Spiderbabe(john bacchus rules!), Beyond the Valley of the Dolls,Dr. Strangelove, The Pink Panther movies,Young Frankenstein,Normal,Carrie,12 Monkeys, Donnie Darko, Bucket of Blood, Happiness, Freaks, Freeway, The Shining, Amelie, Billy Elliot, The Baby, Blood Freak, American Splendor, anything on the lifetime network involving amnesia, incest, and beatings, Rosemary's Baby, Chuck and Buck, Hair, texas chainsaw massacre(original one), Alien and Aliens, The Thing, Fire in the sky, Monster,The Fisher King,Ghost World,Planet of the Apes, Brazil,Welcome to the Dollhouse,Fear, Anxiety, and Depression,Cabin Fever, The Panic in Needle Park,Polyesther, Pink Flamingos,Frankenhooker,Napoleon Dynamite,Buffalo 66,the X-Men movies,both Spiderman movies(yes I am a NERD!)Lots of documentaries like Paradise Lost parts 1 and 2, Kurt and Courtney,Capturing the Friedmans, The Selling of a Serial Killer, Hell House,Mr. Death,Whole, Just Melvin, um...How come TNT plays The Shawshank Redemption and A Few Good Men like 20 times a day? And why have I watched them hundreds of times?uh....Did you know that Highlander was a documentary shot in real time?

Television:

Strangers with Candy,Six Feet Under, Oz, Sopranos, Mr. Show,Tom Goes to the Mayor, Strangers with Candy, Crank Yankers, Trigger Happy TV,lifetime channel, E channel,Joan Rivers Fashion Police, public access,Strangers with Candy, discovery channel, American Idol(yeah, I know.), Mystery Science Theatre,Little House on the Prairie, Roseanne, Da Ali G Show, Get a Life, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, Brak,Tom Goes to the Mayor,Soap,Brady Bunch,Strangers with Candy,My So-Called Life,Degrassi Junior High, Degrassi High in all it's incarnations, Strangers with Candy...Strangers with Candy, Strangers with Candy, Strangers with Candy, Strangers with Candy, Strangers with Candy, Strangers with Candy,Strangers with Candy. p.s. Strangers with Candy. ..

Books:

Some books and authors:Neil's book of the dead,Greek and Roman mythology, Stephen King, Shirley Jackson fiction, Al franken, true crime, Geek Love, Freaks, House of Stairs, underground comics like Love and Rockets,Sandman, Eightball, Hate, Robert and Aline Crumb, Sophie Crumb, The Biologic Show, and some Batman like the Dark Knight Returns and arkham asylum, any Batman with the Joker and/or Harlequinn, and of course Archie! Why won't Archie make up his goddamn mind already? I mean WHAT THE FUCK?? Why can't he see how nice Betty is? And how mean Veronica is? I have written several thousand letters to the Archie comics publishers and all I got for my efforts was a restraining order. But the joke's on them-hahahaha! I know where they all live!!! DO THEY THINK I CAN BE IGNORED??? .....sob.... okay. I'm okay now.....sniff..... cheesy John Sanford thrillers, cheesier Sidney Sheldon, Clan of the Cave Bear series(especially those tender parts where the wooly mammoths are doing it), Toni Morrison,I'm with the Band, sci-fi like Clifford Simak and Ray Bradbury, The Love You Make, Kurt Vonnegut, Wally Lamb, David Sedaris(he is a genius!),lots of young adult fiction like William Sleator, Paul Zindel, Norma Fox Mazer, Daniel Pinkwater,John Madsen, and Cynthia Voight...(I am writing a young adult novel so if you happen to be a publisher please make me rich...),books about how fucked up George W. Bush is,P.S. Your Cat is Dead,Good Times/Bad Times, Invisible Man,Uncle Tom's Children, some horror novels and short stories especially Richard Matheson,Denis Etchison, Stephen King, Clive Barker, John Saul, Bentley Little, Richard Laymon, some thriller type crap like Jeffrey Deaver and Iris Johannson, Push by Sapphire, The Joys of Motherhood,all Twin Peaks related books like Laura Palmer's diary, but especially Dale Cooper's autobiography,The Woman Warrior,I Know this Much is True,and Wicked is one of the best novels i've read all year..I will stop now because this list is endless...I lied-it just ended.

Heroes:

Dr. Zizmor, the Joker and Harlequinn, Elliot Offen from Howard Stern-(stop saying he is gay!), Memphis Minnie,Todd Solondz, Amy Sedaris, David Sedaris, Larry David, Junior the dog,and whoever invented the little hard things at the end of the shoelaces-they are called AGLETS!!!!!!! And did I mention Al Columbia is god?

My Blog

Street Team?

Okay, What is with all these "street teams" of people who are everywhere? Are there really people out there who go out on the street with a bullhorn and inform everyone about how great someone else's ...
Posted by eden on Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:15:00 PST

Run for the Whore-der.

Wow, this is the absolute lowest that myspace has sunk..Now FAKE TOM is telling me to eat at Taco Bell. So it has come to this..This is why everyone is going over to Facebook. No one wants to play wit...
Posted by eden on Tue, 20 May 2008 07:11:00 PST

Cinco de Mayo! Me gusta pinatas!

What better way to celebrate the 5th of May then bringing your freak of a cat to the vet to get his teeth removed? I know that is EXACTLY how Delgado visualized this special day...He was so enthusiast...
Posted by eden on Tue, 06 May 2008 06:54:00 PST

Our New CD.

It's neat. It will make you popular with the ladies. Or maybe just the comic book geeks who go to comic conventions dressed like wolverine. Snik Snik! But what do I know? I'm just a girl...I enjoy flu...
Posted by eden on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 11:27:00 PST

Spammers Are Smart.

Ok, now the fake sexxxy girl profiles are scaring me! One tried to add me yesterday and the main pic was some anti-bush anti-corporate stencil thingy...I looked at the page and the blogs were all abou...
Posted by eden on Sat, 22 Mar 2008 03:49:00 PST

Guffaw.

Does she think she can get away with this? Old widow Pennysparklepuss has been spreading vicious untruths about me again! She has accused me of public intoxication, unsolicited nudity- including but n...
Posted by eden on Wed, 12 Mar 2008 09:38:00 PST

New York Times

We may never understand its effect on man. but The East River String Band got a small mention in the New York Times yesterday! Take that, FAKE TOM!Here's a link to the article about roots music in NYC...
Posted by eden on Sat, 01 Mar 2008 01:29:00 PST

CANDY=DEATH

What a lame holiday..like people need a special day just to give me stuff!!! How ludicrous..why, my mailbox is filled with gifts that people have decided to shower me with every day!Man, just yesterda...
Posted by eden on Thu, 14 Feb 2008 10:29:00 PST

My sit-in worked!

Johnny Bitterman's page is back! My protest was AMAZING! I went on a hunger strinke for like 2 whole hours...I took off all my clothes and chained myself to Tom's front door...The press showed up, and...
Posted by eden on Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:42:00 PST

Something horrifying happened today.

I woke up at 8 in the morning. Yes, 8:00 a.m. It is an ungodly hour, and I was shocked that this happened. I looked out the window and the sun was shining and little birdies were chirping and hopping ...
Posted by eden on Mon, 28 Jan 2008 06:25:00 PST