philology, typology, grammar, phonetics, morphology, and anything else that in any way relates to languages or the idea of language itself------writing horrible fiction, writing even worse non-fiction, making god-awful music, singing all over the bad music with my annoying voice, using the bad singing to say lyrics that don't really make all that much sense and are really just reiterations of all the boring things that my books are about------mathematics, all types, including: causality, time travel, trans-finite numbers, infinity!!!, probability, multi-dimensional geometry (squares, cubes, kwets, penks, sweks, septs, oktos, newns, dekms, etc.), music theory, game theory, irrational numbers, imaginary numbers (especially z), prime numbers, mersenne primes, perfect numbers, the connections between them, 1,2,6,10,15,21,28,etc (c'mon, look at the positioning of 6 and 28,, you gonna tell me this is a coincidence?)------NPR, college radio, NPR, college radio, NPR, PSA-- damn it! ,, pledge drive---- super god damn it!!!! , hitting on hindi girls while at the super market------passion, obsession, florida, epcot, tron, coleco-vision, americana (though i am the furthest thing from a patriot), factories, serial killers, prog rock------contradicting myself, agreeing with people, saving money and eating cans of soup for the sake of early retirement, breathing air, being normal------chemical exploration, watching mr. rogers while exploring the chemicals (ok, i know that king friday represents the government, but what is lady elaine supposed to be?, the ACLU???), doing whatever fred tells me to do (mental note to self: never go down the drain!)------ethnicology, mammalian taxonomy, anything else that exhibits evolution: especially philology------games games games!!! :chess, cards, puzzle fighter, logic, stocks, girls, every sort of game there is. watching jai-alai, listening to them swear at each other in basque, losing money on it because it is rigged and i am stupid and there is something beautiful about that------hindi girls, SE asian girls, hispanic girls, mediteranian girls, polynesian girls, amerind girls, east asian girls, black girls, ok, sure, white girls too, and the occasional aborigine------cooking food that no one will try becase it is not "societally aproved", inventing new recipes that substitute incorrect elements in place of more well accepted ones for the purposes of providing alternative ways to supplying exactly what was asked for in the first place.. (despite my hating to eat out and my being horribly cheap, i really do find experimenting with flavour to be just as sexy as screwing around with any of the other senses..)------misanthropy, misanthropics, misanthropology, misanthropometry, misanthropography, misanthropic theory------inventing card games, inventing variations on chess, making puppets with really complex moving parts in their eye balls, drawing amazing drawings with pens because pencils are weak and only good for those who are afraid of making mistakes, going to garage sales and haggling over crap toward a price that will ultimately prove a loss for both parties, trying to make films, not being able to work with others- i think that really says something pure about my nature------being unemployed, dancing like a retarded person to booty music, finally figuring out that i am here and have been here for a while and knowing that life is a real thing.. holy shit. how fucked up is that??------cumming, the part before cumming when i know i still have some left, the part before that when i'm still waiting and so horny that i can hardly think straight, the part at the very end after i cum when everything is clear and smooth, conversations that i haven't already had yet, second-hand smoke, finding money on the ground, being healthy, being younger than i ever imagined possible, seeing a girl for the first time ever and knowing that i am in love with her, finding another girl to fall in love with the next day, doing nice things for people, getting 8 hours of sleep each night, blowing up the univers and having a million miles of energy at infinity miles per hour, laughing and hearing my laugh and then thinking how sexy i am for laughing in such a sophisticated manner, lying about what my name is, mispelling words (althouy iy reeliyz that som peobl hav divigulty decigvhrenh miy forc'd vrnacgular, soe at th moemunt iy muss be considrut tuward yor neads)------devil worship, predeterminism, being confused, being stupid, trying to figure out what happens when you die by using all of the irrelevant knowledge that i've gained by being alive and then coming up with the answer "inconclusive"
well,, i don't reckon i've ever met a person who likes msi and stereolab. ,or for that matter, one who likes 24 and the gilmore girls. finding people who smoke lots of cigarettes and worship the devil but who are also very high on life and bubbly would seem to be quite a task too. so, i think if you are a combination of all of these things, then i would definitely like to meet you. one day,, provided i am somehow able to steal enough money,, i should pay the creators of gilmore girls and 24 to work together on a single show that will play nightly and last 4 hours per episode.. then i will pay a sick amount of money to all the members of both stereolab and msi to join into one, big, fucked-up, super-band and do the music for that show.. and the entire cast of the show will have to smoke cigarettes and worship the devil in a very bubbly manner.. ,, but uhh, yeah.. so i guess more than anything, i'd like to meet someone who would actually watch that show.. also,, if at all possible,, i'd like to have a threesome with puni puni poemy and excel excel.. (call me) ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------- feel free to IM me.. my AIM sn is JesusIsAwesom666 .. if i am not on at the moment, then just go ahead and write an email to [email protected] .. and i will make sure to wait and watch for you until you come on, and then IM the fuck out of you until you realize how annoying i am.. --- actually,, scratch that.. i just reallized that i forgot the password to that account.. just uhm,,,, well,, message me HERE if you want.. i mean,, what the fuck?! this thing comes equipped with emails and everything.. why the fuck do you really need my AIM name all that badly anyway??? ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------------- also,,,, please please please please please send me an email if you believe in doing art really fast and are such a fan of experimentation that you are not scared by failure.. i am easily the biggest failure you will ever meet but discover quite a lot because of it..,,,, which is to say,,,, some folks might have a high batting average.. but that's an easy thing to do if you've only swung a bat 3 times and managed to hit the ball twice.. i on the otherhand, have only a small percentage of success., but it totals so much.. i standardly go it alone, but am turned on by the idea of colaboration.. so please,,, if you are interested in working with microtonal scales, counter rhythms, recycling timings, inverted waves, fabricated timbres, misdirection in plot, switching naratives, over-worded phrasing, exploration in grammar, charactor underdevelopment, minimalist eggroll-production, home-made languages where the nouns rather than the verbs are declined to show person and each prepositional phrase falls into the same case as whatever head it is modifying, 2-player (and occasionally N-player) nonzero-sum games that utilize previously unexplored loop holes, puppet/set design with yard sale purchased fabrics, colour theory, 3-d cgi, polarized light, visual art for the colourblind, avant-gard romance, and senseless violence, then please send me a "hello" so we can say "hi"..
john adams, air, alibabki (you heard me), the association, bela bartok, brand x, camel, wendy carlos, chicago, earth wind and fire, elp, fantastic plastic machine, genesis (before duke), gentle giant, george gershwin, gilberto gil, philip glass, heatwave, bernard herman, high llamas, charles ives, king crimson, mindless self indulgence, mouse on mars, mr bungle, negativland, of montreal (namely their new album), plaid, prefuse 73, sergei rachmaninoff, george russell, return to forever, self, steely dan, stereolab, weather report, stevie wonder, yes, yezda urfa, luxuriamusic.com!!!!!!!!!!! ------ and i just fucking adore booty music.. ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------oh,, and i almost forgot to mention all of these gay-ass, little faggots: ayahwaska, the bunch of little monkeys who does crack, grayboxdotline, hot noise (in theory), the peopel aksident, special headache, tokeo.. ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ -------------------------------------oh,,, but let's not forget all the music i hate.. (hatred is as valueable an emotion as is love.. if you disagree, then you have a lot to learn..): rock music, blues, swing, baroque, house, most country, and oodles of assorted notes that go nowhere and do it badly..
12 monkeys, adaptation, american beauty, bottle rocket, the burbs, don't tell mom the baby sitter's dead, election, not another teen movie, SFW, quiz show, the rules of attraction, shaw shank redemption, SLC punk, suburbia, wet hot american summer ------ anything by the coen bros. and also noah baumbach., and most of the later stuff by alfred hitchcock.. plus to this, i am constantly in awe at disaster films. anything that can keep me from blinking or breathing is worth watching. ---- watch out.. pretty soon i'm gonna be able to start listing really terrible cartoons that have my name (by which i mean,,, not my name) written all over them..
why does everyone lie for this one, and say that they don't watch tv?? you people are full of shit.. you know you tune in for your programs.. --- and of course, it's true,, a lot of tv is really bad., but the same can be said for music and movies.. at any rate,, here are the shows i waste my time with: -------------------------------------------24, aqua teen hunger force, arrested development, everybody loves ramond (fuck you,, it's funny), futurama, gilmore girls, home movies, news radio, simpsons (they suck now,, but the way they were was the best thing ever), southpark, strangers with candy, UCB, wonder showzen -------------------------------------------------------here' s the bad stuff: mtv, sports, local news, reallity shows (every last one of them), cops, talk shows
aside from garrison keilor, mark leyner, and douglas adams, i think that all writers suck., and they are horrible people,, (not as bad as musicians, mind you),, but they are still much too awful to associate with.. at any rate, for what it's worth, i tend to be fucking amazing at fiction.. there are still many works i have that are only about half way through or so, but these are the 13 works that i've managed to finish so far.. they range anywhere between 40 and 105 thousand words a piece, and total about 712 thousand words.. when you take into acount that i easily have another 100 thousand words spread out in various short stories and unfinished novels, and also the file cabinet of a diary that i've been keeping since 1994 which clears 300 thousand words, (not to mention all of the essays and what not that i did for school), then it begins to become painfully evident that my dry, damaged fingers have seen over a million words.. in other words, i am fucking amazing., easily the most wonderful person who has ever stepped foot on this inferior earth.. here are the books i've written so far..:------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------1. the learning --- part one: wild cows (2000) 2. the writer (2002) 3. startrap on october avenue (2002-03) 4. back off, approach, effect, and fix (2003) a. back on the saddle of sanity b. off vs. onn c. approach to the eighty dollar understanding d. effect and cause e. fix it in the morning 5. how stupid can you go? (2003) 6. suicide is so over-rated (2003) 7. a new type of trite (2003) 8. the vietnam story --- parts 1 through 7 (2000-03) 9. lunch in a time of colour blindness (2004) 10.no sense (ok, a little) (2003-04) 11. 2,3,5, and sometimes 7 (2004-2005) 12. age of modern dark (part 1 --- 2003 // parts 2 -8 --- 2005) a. the black, big, three pigs b. the fountain of juice c. the girl with two names d. akrido nation e. this door alone f. the saturday swan in decay g. damselfly garden h. i know the moon is scary 13. i hate animals because of how unprofessional they are (AKA "i hate animals because they're so unprofessional") (2005)------------ books in the works ----------------14. quest for falseness 15. the adventures of life 16. chapters 17. the great american choose-your-own-adventure 18. middles 19. one megaword---------------------------------more to come. i plan to have 40 books finished by the time i turn 30. ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------if you would like to get a taste of my style, then feel free to read my blogs.. i've also included the dates that i did them.., that way you can know if i stole any of my ideas from movies or television shows or actual events., which i probably did..
harvey pekar, chuck barris, larry flint, and any other overly productive scum bag who has been glorified by a movie made about him before he is even dead yet.. i would want to become one of them, only,, i'm not big into attention.. still though,,, they are the men i respect above all others, and i'd really like one of them polygamous brides that those guys are always getting.. where do i get me one of them??