Gaucheboy &reg profile picture

Gaucheboy &reg

the gauche in the machine

About Me



I'm just a regular guy who likes to paint cats and shave your grandmother.

I have an unhealthy fascination with words, booze, BBQ and all forms of altered consciousness. The grind= cooking, fiction & abusing my guitars.

"Be uncomfortable," runs Gunther Eich's maxim. "Be sand not oil in the machinery of the world."

Dale Carnegie my ass; I'm going bar-hopping with Gunther.

(Obligatory legalese: steal a single word from this page and your genitals will fall-off in the shower. Sorry, my lawyer made me say it).

My Interests


I'm into Situationism, Mel Brooks, Python, punk rock, the Von Trapp family...pretty much anything involving Nazis and dancing.

I'd like to meet:


1.) The Beatles.
2.) The Fockers.
3.)The Press.
4.)The Parents.
5.)"Open-minded, horny women in your area."

(When I'm not being gauche, I can be very superficial).

Also: Someone with talent in something other than self-promotion.

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Music:


Several obscure hardcore and hip hop groups that will make you think I am cool and authentic. (V.U. wannabe garage bands,too!)

Movies:


Raging Bull, Dead Man, Wattstax,The Searchers,Mulholland Drive, Nashville,O Brother Where Art Thou?, Roma,The Royal Tenenbaums,The Last Laugh,Raising Arizona, Henry and June, The Dreamers, Network, Audition, Chinatown(e),The Last Waltz, Brazil, 8 1/2, Repo Man, Harold and Maude, Deconstructing Harry, A Hard Day's Night, Blow Up, Blue Velvet,My Left Foot, Duck Soup, Leaving Las Vegas, This Is Spinal Tap, Urgh! A Music War, Videodrome, Frances, Blade Runner, Pulp Fiction, The Bad Lieutenant, The Conformist, Saint Ralph, Amelie, Eternal Sunshine, Adaptation, Ran, The Big Lebowski, Quills,Apocalypse Now, Do The Right Thing, A Love Song for Bobby Long, You Can Count On Me and silly French incest films come immediately to mind.

Television:


Is harmless, at first, and so very entertaining. It charms you with sweet-talk, and says it's going out for a latté. Then television comes home at three in the morning with distilled breath, the nice dinner you cooked gone cold and glutinous, candles burned to stumps, champagne flat in the bottle, promises you it will never happen again, tells you you're pretty and drunkenly tries to initiate anal sex.You deserve so much better than television.

Books:


Cormac McCarthy, Nabakov, Hanif Kureishi, Pablo Neruda, Jim Harrison, Martin Amis, Jonathan Lethem, Jane Austen, Lester Bangs, Haruki Murakami, Rilke and Camille Paglia are in heavy rotation right now. Too many to list. Stuart Dybek is a great short story writer who's finally getting his due. Leonard Michaels died without getting his. For me, style equals soul.

Heroes:

Hogan,Billy Wilder.

My Blog

a wiseass guide to embracing the mysterious, vol. 3

People crave the unexplainable. When I was a kid, the phone would ring. From the other end of the line I'd hear my grandmother's voice: "Your brother's picture fell off the wall. Tell him not to go ou...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Wed, 01 Oct 2008 08:07:00 PST

The Electric Mayhem

Just twigged on this, a memory from long ago: I'm sitting in my mother's house, watching TV. Clicking through channels, I find a killer live version of the Stevie Wonder song, 'Superstition.' ...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:42:00 PST

yer basic quotidian brainfart

It's a perfect day, sun-drenched and happylike a David Lynch movie, before the S&M cowboy is introduced and someone finds a severed penis in their Wheaties.Yesterday, I took the train into Harva...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Sat, 19 Apr 2008 09:27:00 PST

smoke and squirrels

Yesterday. Nice. Fifties, scattered showers. A friend stopped by, bringing some work folks for lunch. It was comfy, pleasant people chatting in TV news voices, two eight-pound pork shoulders in the ov...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:48:00 PST

the gift that keeps on gimping

I'm sitting here. I'm hunched-over, at the keyboard. Little involuntary squeaks and moans escape my mouth between Tourettes-like bursts of profanity. My spine feels like it's been injected with a sol...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Tue, 08 Jan 2008 11:14:00 PST

this still cracks me-up

...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Fri, 21 Dec 2007 12:29:00 PST

the womanizer

I recently bought a toy for my guitar, a gizmo with the unfortunate name, 'The Womanizer.' I'm having second thoughts. First-off, I have a thing against definite articles. Also, it looked like a sci f...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Tue, 13 Nov 2007 08:08:00 PST

The Luddite

In November's Esquire, Chuck Klosterman has an article on the Harry Potter books. It reminds me (not, sadly, in terms of quality) of something I wrote a few years ago, about the reality show The Osbou...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Thu, 25 Oct 2007 05:22:00 PST

notes toward a gauche manifesto

I've always loved complex books, convoluted syntax and filthy humor. Maybe it's because they signify that life is not simple, that short, on-topic sentences, orderly little paragraphs and pleasant soc...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Thu, 08 Nov 2007 03:12:00 PST

shaman you

A few hours ago I drifted to sleep on the couch while cable was tuned to some New Age music channel. It seemed harmless enough. But damn.The trance-like tones were aural thorazine, lulling the mind to...
Posted by Gaucheboy ® on Tue, 16 Oct 2007 07:26:00 PST