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Tom

Try explaining to your wife who "Cinnamon" is. . .

About Me

1 - ALL REALITY TV IS CRAP.2 - DEXTER is the best thing to ever happen to TV.3 - Not only can we all be sure of Death and Taxes, but also Murphy's Law.

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Stones

My Interests

Procreation. Self improvement. Unique challenges. Public figures that CRY OUT for skewering. People that put their ENTIRE foot in their mouth despite their best efforts. (Myself included.) Any and every time Truth is stranger than Fiction.

I'd like to meet:

BARACK, anyone capable of repelling while at the same time inspiring, Peter Jackson, Steven Spielberg, Matt Groening, Mike Judge, Bob Marley (the comic), a scientologist who can convince me they're NOT a nutjob (Come ON - - - "XENU", for cryin' out loud???), Joe Rogan, David Fincher, Eva Longoria, Bobcat Goldthwait, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, Ralph Nader (So I can ask him how he SLEEPS at night - knowing he HELPED W get elected TWICE by insisting he continue his own effing campaign), Steven Wright, Mini-Me, J. J. Abrams, Stephen Hawking and the demon lucky enough to be torturing Ken Lay in HELL

Music:

BANCO DE GAIA, Joss Stone, Dirty Vegas, Ini Kamoze, Black Sabbath, Beatles, AC/DC, Sugar Ray, Rob Zombie, Beethoven, Marilyn Manson, Sly & The Family Stone, Mozart, Ozzy, (Early) Joe Jackson, The Clash, John Lee Hooker, Rolling Stones, Brian Setzer Orchestra, Madness, Bob Marley, David Byrne/Talking Heads, David Bowie, Strange Cargo and BAGPIPES.

Movies:

THERE WILL BE BLOOD - BATMAN BEGINS - Munich - Office Space - Schindler's List - Fight Club - The Money Pit - 2001 A Space Odyssey (I WISH they'd put "2061" on film...) - Drugstore Cowboy - Koyaanisqatsi - Powaqqatsi - Naqoyqatsi - Gladiator - Princess Bride - Fire Walk With Me - The Matrix Trilogy - Contact - Office Space - Dr. Strangelove - The Shining. . . . and Anchorman.Iron Man Exclusive Trailer

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Television:

DEXTER (the one on SHOWTIME, not CBS...), Heroes. LOST. My Name Is Earl. Most standup on Comedy Central. Twilight Zone. Drew Carey Show repeats.

Books:

ANGELS AND DEMONS - Drew Carey's DIRTY JOKES AND BEER - Lord Of The Rings - DUNE - Esquire's THE RULES - Dean Koontz's ODD THOMAS - The Darwin Awards

Heroes:

Tom Hanks, Jim Carrey, Frank Herbert, Douglas Adams, Mel Brooks, Steven Spielberg and that guy I see in the mirror every morning, in that parallel universe, that looks just like me.

My Blog

I lost a BET

I have complained for YEARS about a particularly narrow-minded nearby community (which will remain NAMELESS), that I have always thought was FULL of rednecks..... Yesterday, I made some comment to my ...
Posted by Tom on Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:20:00 PST

Gullible People

Because there are SO many stupid people, I predict that at least one person is going to get shot in the face just because some idiot saw "Wanted" and thought they'd like to try shooting a bullet 'arou...
Posted by Tom on Sat, 28 Jun 2008 08:32:00 PST

Albino in traffic

So I was stuck in traffic on the 91 freeway, listening to my iPod on the car's sound system, when I heard a snotty voice off to the right: "OOOOOH! You have a shuffle! Oooooh! Big whoop!" (I had the s...
Posted by Tom on Sun, 23 Dec 2007 12:04:00 PST

JURY DUTY IN THE 21ST CENTURY

There I am in the Jury Room. I have parked in the wrong parking lot for Jurors and then moved my car to the correct lot so as to avoid being towed, waited in line out in the "freezing" cold (for South...
Posted by Tom on Tue, 11 Dec 2007 06:07:00 PST

My Foot is most comfortable in my mouth

To paint an accurate enough picture of how talented I am at putting my FOOT in my MOUTH, I will say this:Bobcat Goldthwait has a comedy CD titled, "I Don't Mean To Insult You, But You Look Like Bobcat...
Posted by Tom on Sat, 06 Oct 2007 07:37:00 PST

Elevator ride

So, I stepped into an elevator at the hospital today, on my way to see a doctor, when everybody called out the floor they wanted. Of course, I instantly became the Official Operator. . . . ."2nd Floor...
Posted by Tom on Sat, 06 Oct 2007 04:37:00 PST

Odd Home Furnishings

So there I was at my local grocery store today, minding my own business, when I saw this wine-bottle stand that holds one bottle, looking VERY wrong. It was SUPPOSED to look like a waiter in a black v...
Posted by Tom on Sat, 22 Sep 2007 07:01:00 PST

Inappropriate behavior during chick films...

So, I went to see "Waitress" with my wife this evening, (she goes to movies I want, then we see what SHE wants...). About a third of the way into the flick, I. . . . cut a fart. I attempted STEALTH, b...
Posted by Tom on Mon, 28 May 2007 08:04:00 PST

Our self-direction

I hope you will forgive me for getting serious this time around instead of trying to write something funny. This needs to be said. . . . .The most important question I think it is possible at this tim...
Posted by Tom on Mon, 23 Oct 2006 04:15:00 PST

Bumper stickers / T-shirts I'd like to see

Not Guilty By Reason of I DON'T CAREYOU'RE NOT LOOKING LOW ENOUGH..... LOWER... LOWERRRR......PERFECT.Don't Get a Life . . . .GET A SUICIDE!ARISTOCRATFELINE TAXIDERMIST(Pussy Stuffer)ISNATCHEDASNIFFOF...
Posted by Tom on Fri, 28 Jul 2006 07:43:00 PST