P.L.N.

Iraq To Rebuild Iraq
Finally! After five long years of a complete free ride, Congress is taking action to put the responsibility for Iraq's future in the cash-lined hands of gratefully liberated Iraqis.
"We're not saying that they should rebuild EVERYTHING without our financial and material help," says U.S. State Department Representative Dale Burnham. "We'll let them rebuild the hospitals, roads, power lines, neighborhoods, schools, and infrastructure. We'll take care of the rest."
Using Iraq's surging oil income as proof Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska said of the American people, "they are looking at why Baghdad can't pay more of these costs. The answer is they can."
Their tax dollars at work.
In a compassionate act of bipartisanship Republican and Democratic senators have banded together to draft bills that will restrict all future reconstruction grants to loans instead of welfare-like giveaways.
The bills will include legislation that will force Baghdad to:
- Pay for the fuel used by U.S. Troops.
- Cover the cost of training friendly Sunni Militias.
- Spend more of it's surplus oil revenue to rebuild before tapping into precious U.S. cash resources.
- Buy back looted museum artifacts with surplus oil revenue.
- Pay a percentage of their income based on the amount of Iraq liberated.
Representative Lindsey Gramm of Michigan kept the ball rolling with a suggestion that any anticipated Iraqi budget surplus could be used to help Afghanistan, while Joe Lieberman slam dunked the issue hard by demanding that Iraq start paying some U.S. combat costs.
The Bush administration actually agreed with Congress stating that, "We expect Iraq to shoulder the full burden of these costs."
Luckily the U.S. can supervise all the reconstruction efforts from it's new $736 million dollar fortified embassy in Baghdad.
With Iraq taking on it's own burdens the question remains, "How much more accomplished is this mission going to get?"
That's more like it!
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Mugabe Tries To Restore Haitian Order
Haiti's embattled President Robert Mugabe has deployed troops ahead of a strike over the contested election results and rampant food shortages which have sent his African country of Zimbabwe into chaos. Mugabe sent security forces across his country as well as in the Haitian portions of Zimbabwe.
Mugabe putting Haiti in it's place.
The opposition party led by Rene Preval urged a general strike while rebels in the streets chanted, "Aristide or death!" a call for the reinstatement of former President Jean Bertrand Aristede. Aristide is currently exiled in neighboring Central Africa.
Should Aristide return to Zimbabwe?
The mounting unrest includes political killings, voter fraud allegations, and starving people eating dirt-pies in anger and desperation as the rising cost of food has ignited nation wide protests.
Can Mugabe restore order to his tiny African country without the aid of former dictator Aristide?
Only time and Prime Legitimate News will tell.
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Noriega, The WB, And A Bottle Rocket
Amateur film-maker Al Gore has embarked on a costly advertising campaign that will compare the popular myth of Global Warming to the dastardly regime of Adolph Hitler, the civil rights movement, and man landing on the moon. The Wall Street Journal(a subsidiary of PLN) reported that the multi-million dollar campaign is part of Gore's L. Ron Hubbard like quest to raise a "Green-Army" of at least ten million people world-wide. The marketing blitz will cost upwards of $300 Million dollars(most of which will be printed on paper, which used to be trees) and will include a multi-media onslaught of anti-human commercials set to scare the world's population into believing in a secular, non-biblical Armageddon.
The theme of the "We Didn't Wait" ad explores America's resolve to tackle the tough issues of Nazism, race relations, and space travel while prompting Gore's minions to "act" in order to stop what he calls "Man Made Global Warming." Gore has a virtual clown-car of left-wing scientists ready to back him up on his claims, however, we at PLN prefer to have an even and honest debate about the issues.
OUR scientists liken the myth of man-made Global Warming more to Manuel Noriega then to Adolph Hitler. Manuel Noriega the former military strongman dictator of Panama, like global warming, was an easily manageable while marginally threatening, temporary nuisance with direct ties to drug related criminals*. Noriega is more like a benign environmental trend such as El Nino, the occasional drought, or hurricane Katrina which come and go with no meaningful or lasting repercussions. Most experts agree that if you were to compare Hitler to a natural calamity it would most likely be massive asteroid impact and the total destruction of all life on Earth, leaving a slight possibility for regeneration.
Our team of scientifically based research associates, in their study published on various popular science websites and in publications on print as well as the internet and online have concluded that the jury is not only still out on weather global warming is man made, but they've basically been bribed and/or brainwashed by Al Gore and his Greenworld henchlings. The scientists who would return OUR calls compared Global Warming less to the civil rights act and moon landing, more to the creation of the WB and the first guy who did bottle rockets.
In other words: THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR ALARM! The United States government has a plan to solve all of the worlds energy, sweetener, and movie snack problems with precious corn-based everything, end of story.
Instead of "An Inconvenient Truth" the American people should perhaps be tuned into a different movie. One about an environmentally-crazed cult leader hell bent on raising an army of zombie-environmentalists. It's called Trancers 2. Like most films which which are leaps ahead of their time in exposing the corrupt underbelly of the environmentalist-left, Trancers 2 was swept under the rug. Perhaps with new light being shown on the true nature of Al Gore's master plan, Trancers 2 will at last get the theatrical release it so clearly deserves and needs.
* Al Gore's son was arrested for driving with illegal drugs, and his father has admited to sampling a variety of Schedule I substances.
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Someone in our editing department got a hold of this tape and leaked it.
We at PLN feel as though you should see it here first, before it spreads over the internet.
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