Player hating, hipster-baiting, sarcasm, grilled cheese sandwiches, learning stuff, phrenology, alliteration, odd numbers, geeks, freaks, pit bulls, hors d'oeurves and other small foods, road trips, big words, deep tubs, gardenias, useless trivia, tiny ponies and fainting goats, all-girl roller derby, senior citizen strippers, rhinestones, sequins and all things sparkly, grammar fascism, tabloid journalism, pirate jokes, talkin' nerdy and communing with my late father via roulette.
I'd like to meet:
Generally? Road trippers. Garage salers. Fire-eaters, sword-swallowers and others who'd join the circus tomorrow, if it didn't mean sacrificing regular access to high-speed internet or first-class plumbing facilities. Photobooth fanatics. Confidantes and co-conspirators. Someone with an expired driver's license and an active library card. Storytellers. Animal lovers. Vikings, cowboys/girls and other people with fancy hats. Foxy boxers. Worthy scrabble opponents. People who won't mock my love of crap TV. Boyish men (but not mannish boys). Lipstick-wearing, Helen Reddy feminists. Relentless movie quoters. Linguistic ninjas. Cynical romantics. Reference book owners. Lefties, metaphoric and literal. Wild gesticulators. Unrepentent jaywalkers. Emotional and intellectual daredevils... and finally, anyone with a green thumb and a great recipe for baked macaroni and cheese.
Specifically: Dolly Parton. Margaret Cho Check! Lynda Barry. Merrill Markoe. John Waters. Ruth Norman. These guys . Delores DeLago. Eddie Izzard. Anne Beatts. This guy . Alex Borstein Check! Corky St. Clair. Carol Burnett. Mel Brooks. Marta Beckett. Oscar Wilde. Rafaella Gabriela Sarsaparilla . Tony Bourdain Check! Little Edie Beale. Maira Kalman. Dawn Davenport. Oscar Goodman. Cindy Sherman. My boyfriends, Seth Rogen and Mark Ruffalo. Blossom Dearie. Merrill Markoe. Ronnie James Dio Check! Albert Brooks. Neely O'Hara. Wanda Sykes. Cinema's greatest tap-dancing, stripteasing pimp . Evel Knievel. Shirley Chisolm. Classy people . Al Jaffee. Margarita Pracatan. The Sons of Lee Marvin. Oh, and Cesar Millan!
Who I don't want to meet:
Spammers, band-spammers and other technojerks--unless you have a bad-ass recipe for baked macaroni & cheese, in which case we can talk... Maybe.
Also? Sorry, but I had to disable HTML in comments. While I appreciate the time and thought that goes into leaving 'em (and the whole marketing/self-promo thing), non-local-to-me band flyers, giant photos of silly street signs and other visual non-sequiturs disagree with my OCD--and as such, in the interest of my (limited) patience with myspace's gross disregard for symmetry, they had to go. It's nothing personal, I swear.
Music:
Such a bullshit question. See my sister's list for more--growing up, she was the one with the cool taste in music, so I just snuck into her room and taped whatever she was listening to. Remember tapes? They sure were cool.
Movies:
Mel Brooks, Wes Anderson, Christopher Guest, most (good) documentaries, Me And You And Everyone We Know, Election, Grey Gardens. The Station Agent, Bring It On, The Hairdresser's Husband, Broadway Danny Rose, Mommie Dearest, Ladies And Gentlemen The Fabulous Stains, Meatballs, Little Darlings, Over The Edge, The Man with Two Brains, Foxes, The Girl Most Likely To..., Safe Men, Black Shampoo, The Forbidden Zone, Fast Times--basically anything that might've aired on USA's Night Flight, circa 1986.
Television:
RESCUE ME, Venture Brothers, Minor Accomplishments of Jackie W, Taxi, NY1 (Mmm... Pat Kiernan), LITTLE BRITAIN, Get A Life, Strangers With Candy, Project Runway, Mythbusters, FAMILY GUY, American Masters, Square Pegs, King Of The Hill, Arrested Development, Larry Sanders, Wayland Flowers and Madame, AbFab, Home Movies, Laverne and Shirley and The Krofft Superstars.
Books:
I'm a lover of the English language, and am rarely far from a dictionary, thesaurus or the Barnhart Concise Dictionary of Etymology. I also dig Strunk and White, Al Jaffee's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions, all Cubby Selby (espec. Last Exit to brooklyn), Free to Be You and Me, Roadside America, Star Magazine, memoirs, feminist theory (including I'm With the Band), and anything by Katherine Dunn, Paula Danziger, Lynda Barry, Tennessee Williams, Lanford Wilson, Christopher Durang or John Guare.
Heroes:
Bella Abzug. Madeline Kahn. Lynda Barry. Margaret Cho. John Waters. Louise Brooks. Jennie Lee. Dirty Martini. Zorita. Shirley Chisolm. Eddie Izzard, the smartest man alive. Dixie Evans. Dolly Parton. Maira Kalman. Cindy Sherman. Dawn Davenport. Albert Brooks. Neely O'Hara. Julie Atlas Muz. Al Jaffee. Miss Astrid. Little Brooklyn. Paula Danziger. Judy Blume. Lance Loud. Mae West. Sophie Tucker. Gerry Laybourne. Deb And Dorothy Parker. Amy Poehler. Bill Hicks. Bob Mackie. Tallulah Bankhead. Marlo Thomas. Studs Terkel. Ann Corio. Anna Deveare Smith. Ann Calvello. Kathy Najimy. Gloria Steinem. Carol Burnett. Gypsy Rose Lee. Miss Piggy. Flannery O'Connor. Texas Guinan. Tura Satana. The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, circa 1978. Lenny Bruce. Mr. Gosen (5th grade Tteacher). Ruth Gordon. Liz Renay. Woody Allen--even if he is a baby-toucher. Ida Lupino. Diane Arbus. Spalding Gray. Maya Rudolph. Amy Heckerling. Mary Ellen Mark. Nomi Malone. Katherine Dunn. Ms. Ames (2nd and 3rd grade teacher). And of course, my mom and dad.
