Hallo,I am a 19 year old black metal fan from Norway. (What? Who just said I was 30? Take it back or you will feel the full force of my numchuckas in your mouth, you kuksuger! I am staff writer on Nordic Claw until 2004 when I moved to London to do work experience on Metal Hammer.On arrival here I find that a) Metal Hammer is not actually printed in a dungeon like they claim in their misleading, so-called editorials, b) all of the staff are giggling Def Leppard fans who wear leisure wear from Primark who laugh at my corpse paint and c) non of them believe that heavy metal comes from Norway.So after writing my advice column for a year I decided it was time to leave back for the country of my fellow northmen accompanied by my friend Nils but unfortunately an incident at customs involving a Bon Jovi album and a pot of petroleum jelly means I have to reside in the UK until my trial. Nils is having to support me financially by working in a green-grocers. And that hardly keeps us in eye make-up. So come on Rimmell - make us official models of your Unhappy Mortician range. Aiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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