About Me
Imagine fishnet hose, skirts, and tight tank tops. Swap out the ordinary names in favor of pseudonyms like Slammin' jo and Jess A. Fleshwound. What you have is a reasonable facsimile of women's roller derby. The sport is rowdy, raucous and sometimes punctuated with fights between the players. Want to know more? Get yourself out to Roller City and become a fan or better yet, join us!
We are the Split Lip Sallies...
Fierce femmes fatales are they. Make no assumptions with these mafia mobstresses, because their trigger happy fingers don't mind introducing you to their tommy-guns. Pretty in pinstripes and packin' heat, these mafiosas definitely don't play fair. Take a gander at the list of suspected members and affiliates:
Jackie O'Jaw
BOSS, BRUNO
Ms. O'Jaw wasn't named after an Irish shark, she was named after her gentle kicks to the glass faces of unassuming rollergirls.
Mandy Moore-phine
UNDER-BOSS, HALF A HARD-ON WITH A SUIT CASE, BRUNO
She'll be happy to administer 200mg of pain and she doesn't sing, but she'll scream about how you suck at Dr. Mario.
Jesus H. Christy
HALF A HARD-ON WITH A SUIT CASE, BRUNO
She's not as forgiving as you remembered in Sunday School, but do repent when her judgement is upon you.
Ali Bam-Her
CAPO, BRUNO, BUTTER AND EGG DAME
She's a school teacher by day and a godless, ruthless, seductive, wild, Lorrie-licious, sex kitten school teacher by night.
Anna-maniac
RUM RUNNER
Ever tried to catch cigarette smoke with a butterfly net? We can't fucking catch her either.
Slammin' Jo
BRUNO
Can you believe how fucking cute and innocent this bitch is? Then you get her happy ass in a rink and it's on like donkey kong.
Moose Knuckle
BRUNO, RUM RUNNER
She skateboards, watches Ultimate Fighter, can give you a verbal beatdown, she's a mean blocker, and she can probably drink you under the table. Even I'm scared.
Karmic Recall
RUM RUNNER, BRUNO
You wouldn't like this bitch when she's angry and inside a lighted track... or anywhere for that matter.
Jess A. Fleshwound
RUM RUNNER, BRUNO
Don't get her name? You're not up on the Monty Python culture enough to hang out with the likes of her. Take a geology course sometime - she knows what makes the bedrock.
Anita Disaster
BRUNO
If you thought the Next Karate Kid was horrible, you'll wince a blood vein to the surface when you witness the carnage left behind her.
Rosie Thorn
BRUNO
She looks delicate and smells sweet, but just like a rose, she'll prick you with her thorns...Except it's less like a prick and more like a knife wound.
Leave a comment for your favorite Split Lip Sally!
