jeff the revelator profile picture

jeff the revelator

the funniest life i've known

About Me

i'm a lot like me, but much more interesting when i've been drinking - just ask me . . . i'll tell you again and again and again.

My Interests

the first sign of trouble, poetry written by a girl that still has hope, long end of the wishbone, luchadores de diablo de muchacha locos, aveda girls, boots with pointy heels, stuff, pointy-heeled boots, denying booty calls, soul smudging, sexy-librarian glasses, jif peanut butter, pink shiny hotpants, fresh spinach, dancing to paintings, piracy on the high seas (think booty), sixth gear, the smell of smoke on her fingers, thin guitar picks, frozen grapes, unsolicited glances, girls that work and shop at whole foods . . . and the bottle of organic bleach to remove the smell of patchouli, doubting eyebrows, stiletto shoes, thirteen bean soup, blonde bedhead, making blonde bedhead, smelling blonde bedhead, cardigans on the floor, removing ventriloquist dummies from society, wheel bearing grease, hello kitty island adventure, the outline of her ribs, cooking with grease, making change, catfights in my backyard, jell-o wrestling in my backyard, indian leg wrasslin' in my backyard, my backyard, the heat from my laptop, thimbles with faces painted on them, kashi and soy milk, satin against my cheek, bourbon (the most delicious of all the brown liquors), reading about bourbon, reading about drinking bourbon, post dancing, finding lucky pennies in the dark and tongue clicks.

I'd like to meet:

you and you and you and you, no, not you, behind you . . . yes you.

Music:

still lighting candles for meg's return. until then, the backyard mix of my neighbor's dog.

Movies:

faster, pussycat! kill! kill! amelie, secretary, house of yes, fight club . . . oh, and lipstick lesbian porn. basically any fairy tale - girl gets guy. guy gets black eye. girl cuts herself. cheerleader gets tired of quarterback's shit. girl kicks guy with a go-go booted roundhouse to the throat. guy pretends to be jfk. basically the core things that make you feel good . . . i said feel good!

Television:

anything where the guy doesn't get the girl. i read a lot. wait, what's a television?

Books:

stories about clown girls and strippers or clown strippers - anything else belongs in a pediatrician's waiting room.

Heroes:

no one you know.

My Blog

a song. a simple song of rubbing

in case you missed the memo - jz is now answering to cricket train productions. the bottom of the food chain will bite back. applications are now being accepted but must be written on big chief tablet...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Fri, 17 Oct 2008 08:59:00 PST

silly rabbit, myths are for kids

asspants is still dead - that phoenix ain't rising no matter how much ash you pile on it.in the midst of chaos, i traded my baby spoon for a magic rattle (suspect voodoo, i do). please welco...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:54:00 PST

if only id washed under my arms and brushed my teeth

the death of a lover, a sweetheart, a confederate, a pet-me-at-my-unprettiest is never easy. thank a deity ('cause God-dammit i am) that the polish are still making sweet sweet belvedere - i'll pull t...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Wed, 28 May 2008 08:50:00 PST

a hobo’s life

fans, friends, enemies, agnostics, future ex-wives, whoever, whatever - it’s official, i’m homeless. hopefully all the notes i took from quantum leap will come in handy during those strang...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:23:00 PST

changing, charging, chafing of the guard

in the interest of the vihad, miguel sanchez has been laid to rest and replaced with black jack davey. miguel's had a good run so please show your respects by observing a moment of silence saturd...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Wed, 09 Jan 2008 01:30:00 PST

because knowings half the battle

please allow me to clarify: according to merriam-webster online dictionary, the definition of jihad is: "a holy war waged on behalf of islam as a religious duty; also: a personal struggle in dev...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Fri, 04 Jan 2008 10:29:00 PST

the wind up your shorts

i know you've noticed that the roads are a little more raucous, noisy and sexy. that's right . . . i'm back on two wheels. it had been a little over a year and the delirium tremens (dts for those of y...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 10:00:00 PST

because you're wondering

i'm sitting on the couch rubbing my head stubble eating double-stuffed oreos thinking about that one time we did that one thing at that one place and contemplating another line in that one poem that i...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Thu, 24 May 2007 07:42:00 PST

you can't be a pimp and a prostitute too . . .

you know i certainly don't believe that. it's a bitter sweet day because that's the first thing jw and i have ever disagreed on . . ..if i hug you the next time i see you, it may not be because i like...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Thu, 26 Apr 2007 09:12:00 PST

you've got plenty of plasma to spare - here's your sandwich

either the stars are just pretty lights that guide the barefoot in and out of the broken bottles of society . . . and "the man" or else they're the know-all / see-all / feel-all suns and puppet master...
Posted by jeff the revelator on Sat, 07 Apr 2007 02:50:00 PST