About Me
-The Metal Manual-
(don't leave home without it.)
HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers, and bones the princess.
POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments. The dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave...without the princess.
VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body, slashes her belly, and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass again, burns the corpse, and fucks it for the last time.
GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely indecipherable for about 30 seconds, and then leaves.
DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon, and thinks he could never beat him. He gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragons eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly the dragon swallows the flute and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell for all eternity.
PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gesture towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.
CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage".
GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.
BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footmen, war chariots, and a dozen elite warriors, and as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him. He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
My Deviant Art Page. http://psuedonym666.deviantart.com
READ CAREFULLY:
PsuedoNyM/Disco Blood Bath
The Anatomy of a Demon.
1. I deny MANY friend adds and I don't want your shitty band either. I fucking hate most of the music on here, it's all SoCal emo shit and bad metal. I hate people I have nothing in common with, and have no patience for idiots. Don't bother with me because I aim to disappoint the ones I have NO respect for.
2. Do not messege me with...."OMFG you're sexy" "My MSN/Yahoo is ImWEeTAhDEAD889 if yoo wnna chat" etc. I will lay into you, and if you continue to e-mail me with your predictable, angry and cerebrally challenged insults because I've blown you off, I will eat your fucking head. I don't care if you think I'm dripping hot sex juice and want to show me a good time. I have plenty of fun spinning on my man's dick thankyouverymuch.
3. I hate people who can't spell. "Lyk oi mah gawd laast nyte eye kyckin it wit mah peeeps and lyk..." PLEASE do not messege me and expect me to be able to decipher any of that shit. It's fucking gay. Or people who claim they are writers or english majors and can't fucking spell.
4. DO NOT talk to me about religion, politics, etc. I'm a communist and think this class system is sketchy and unrealistic. While I respect religion, don't try to get me to argue any points as to what is what, who, when, blah. I'm Catholic, get over it. I believe in God and the Devil, we being the chess pieces played upon a plain of war, revenge and survival. I don't believe in throwing babies in dumpsters because some bitch thought pull and pray would work. Karma is a CUNT.
5. Shit talkers. Oh how these specimen of sub-human entertain me so. Stalkers are a nuisance also, the kind that attempt at blowing up your spot, only to get busted. People who can't play their cards right due to being immature, those who can't even hold onto simple things in life. Whiners, posers, copy-cats, plagerists, anyone who has false attributes. Those fucking assholes who'll copy a whole book word for word in order to complete some mediocre piece of schoolwork.
Fashion and substances is what I live for. Make up is my demi-god, my style is ever changing, my own...and I look fucking ill.
I could say my eyes are green/gray and I have a fabulous ass, but then so do the rest of these cunts.
I [ego] have been dubbed a DEMON based upon mutation and classification. Don't be jealous, it can happen to you...just give up your soul.
It's fabulous that I have one of those facial profile's that screams 'mania'...but that's okay because I shit marble.
I have a problem with bastes, marinades, sauces, and BBQ substances. It's okay, everyone understands.
I have an obsession with Jager. I keep making love to every bottle I come across, and might as well just throw some antlers on and marry the shit.
There are so many things that separate me from others, but those qualities are only seen by those who adore me.
[DeadGangStresS]
