Captain Scrotum - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Avast Matey!

Fear me! For I be the dreaded Captain Scrotum...scourge of the 7 Seas!

I be here searching fer those who be loyal and fearless and ruthless enough to join me merry crew aboard the 'Good Ship Lollipop'.Join me crewe and I kin promise ye all of the glory and rewards a pirate's life kin bring ye! (...mostly bein' rum, sodomy, treasure, prostitutes, cabin boys, adventure, sodomy and buggery!)Now...get off yer lazy arse and add me as a friend!!! And be sure ye takes the time to WRITE A COMMENT a'fore I have ye keel hauled!

AARRRGGGHHH!!

~ BE WARNED: ~ Please remember to extinguish all smoking materials a'fore ye board the Good Ship Lollipop...or I'll make ye walk the plank!

Thank ye fer yer co-operation...ye shiftless, scurvy, good for nothin' bilge rat!!!

Do NOT bother askin' me to be joinin' yer puny MySpace Group!!! The dread Captain Scrotum does not JOIN anything. If I wanted to be in yer group, I'd run ye through with me cutlass and take it over meself!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

My Interests

Rum, Buggery, Treasure, Sodomy, Cabin Boys, Stabbing Prostitutes to Death, Rum, Sailing, Pillaging, Murder, Buggery, Sodomy, Drunken Brawls, Doubloons, Floggings, Poetry, Buggery, Mayhem, Rum, Long Walks on the Beach, Sodomy, Defeating Ninjas, Making Shiftless Scalawags Walk the Plank!

I'd like to meet:

Scalawags, Na'er-do-wells, Sea Dogs, Prostitutes, Vagabonds, Harlots, Scoundrals, Villians, Swashbucklers, Left-handed bass players, Hot Chicks and Robots.

Don't ferget to join me MySpace Group:
"Rum Drinkin' Scalawags of the High Seas" AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Music:

Sea Shanties, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", Elvis Presley, Elvis Costello, Adam and the Ants, "Yellow Submarine", Fishbone, the Captain and Tennille, Jellyfish, Ween, Built to Spill, Del Amitri, Tool, Elbow, Belle and Sebastian, The Postal Service

Movies:

Pirates of the Caribbean, 20000 Leagues Under the Sea, Free Willy, The Little Mermaid, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Napolean Dynamite, Finding Nemo

Television:

Gilligan's Island, Jacques Cousteau, Chapelle's Show

Books:

Moby Dick, Peter Pan, the Kama Sutra, Slaughterhouse 5, Catch-22

Heroes:

Captain Hook, Captain Kirk, Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Morgan, the Hamburgler, Redbeard, Bluebeard, Johnny Depp, Cap'n Crunch

My Blog

Goodbye Mr. Boots...

The sea is a lonely Mistress and for the past 9 years I have sailed them with me crewe, a cabin boy, and me yellow tabby Mr. Boots. BUT...last night I was below decks when I made the most horrible ...
Posted by Captain Scrotum on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Teeth and Fingerprints...

I can't even BEGIN to tell ye how much I hate prison...even if it's just to visit some shiftless scalawag like me brother. That's why I am always VERY careful if I accidentally choke or stab a pros...
Posted by Captain Scrotum on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Rum, Sodomy and the Lash...

Ahhhh Summertime! ...and the livin' is easy... 'Tis the time of year even the saltiest of pirates takes the time to relax, put his (good) foot up on the railing and heft up a bottle of rum. Ay...
Posted by Captain Scrotum on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Happy Father's Day?

Nothin' makes me blood boil faster then the accursed words 'Happy Father's Day'. I think 'tis 'cause I never knew me own father. Well...truthfully I *DID* once stab a man to death in Aruba dur...
Posted by Captain Scrotum on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Help Wanted: Cabin Boy

Ahoy Matey! As of this mornin', there be an opening fer a Cabin Boy aboard the Good Ship Lollipop. I woke up from a hard night o' drinkin' only to find out that someone had accidentally strangle...
Posted by Captain Scrotum on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Once Upon a Valentine's Day...

Avast! Valentine's Day be upon us again...and 'tis the time of year when even a crusty Pirate's thoughts turn to love... I remember one partic'lar Valentine's Day when I was a younger man... ...
Posted by Captain Scrotum on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST