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Barak's Presidential Limo?Well friends, I always knew this day would come. Running down the stairs and jumping on the bed have become chores whose requisite physical exertion has become too taxing for my aging joints and deteriorating ligaments.The unspeakable pain that I have been enduring has led me to the alturistic endeavor of awareness. If I can help just one victim of this dreaded epidemic, then perhaps my suffering will not have been in vain.Perhaps some of you wisenheimers are saying: "Ladybird, it's not May... arthiritis awareness month is over!!!" To that, I say: if the excruciating pain in my hips works twelve months out of the year, then so will I...Please tell somebody you know about arthiritis. I'm not sure how it's going to help them, but they probably should know about it... I guess...EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT LADYBIRD, BUT WERE TOO AFRAID TO ASK
Name: Ladybird Hill
Birthday: January 7, 1986
Birthplace: I had an unceremonious birth in the back alley of a Hardees in Anne Arbor, Michigan
Current Location: Arlen, Texas
Eye Color: Angelina Jolie-ish
Hair Color: Two shades left of whiskey poop
Height: About 2'10". Perfect height for petting
Right Handed or Left Handed: I am happy to report that I can utilize all four of my paws with equal dexterity
Your Heritage: I'm a quarter sexy, a quarter awesome and half brilliant
The Shoes You Wore Today: Jimmy Chews (get it....Chews?)
Your Weakness: Chocolate
Your Fears: Being abandoned by my owner, Hank. Oh, and a Hillary Clinton presidency
Your Perfect Pizza: Alpo-Stuffed Crust with extra BBQ kitty pieces
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get a tummy rub from Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I wish that I had six paws, one for each of your nipples
Thoughts First Waking Up: "Wow! The Arabs haven't killed us yet!"
Your Best Physical Feature: My soft, rubbable belly
Your Bedtime: Five minutes after properly securing the perimiter of the Hank Hill Compound
Your Most Missed Memory: Doing adorable puppy tricks for Hardee's scraps
Pepsi or Coke: I liked Mellow Yellow. Why did they get rid of that stuff? A half-liter of it and I was ready to tag every fire hydrant in Heimlich County.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Actually, the Taco Bell in McMaynerberry has the best toilet water that I am aware of.
Single or Group Dates: Due to some ALLEGED infractions in my past, I always find it prudent to go on dates with others so that they may act as future witnesses for the defense
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Only mutts drink that crap. I expect my iced tea to be handcrafted from fresh, artesian tea leaves plucked by poverty-stricken sherpas in the far-flung mountains of the orient
Chocolate or Vanilla: I love chocolate, but it goes straight to my love handles. And it kills me
Cappuccino or Coffee: I find it virtually impossible to wake up without my morning cup of java
Do you Smoke: Never. Not because I think they're bad but because I can't use a lighter without a good set of opposable thumbs
Do you Swear: Like a gosh-darn sailor
Do you Sing: Generally, I bay more than I sing
Do you Shower Daily: I love Hank, but I would tear him to SHREDS if he tried a stunt like that
Do you want to go to College: Are you kidding? I'm 139 years old. Geez
Do you want to get Married: Nobody wants to marry an old dog like me.
Do you belive in yourself: I don't think that I'm smart enough to make a decision like that
Do you get Motion Sickness: Yes. But, luckily, my elderliness typically deters people from expecting me to move much
Do you think you are Attractive: Yes. And it can actually be a curse at times
Are you a Health Freak: Yes, if I know the neighborhood dog has hearworms or something, I will NOT sniff his butt
Do you like Thunderstorms: NOOOO! Thunderstorms are the reason that I always keep a human or two around the house. Scary, scary stuff
Do you play an Instrument: Yes. The Stand-up Bass
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Every night before bed, I relax with a nice cold Turd-Tini
In the past month have you Smoked: Does the Chronic count?
In the past month have you been on Drugs: See Above
In the past month have you gone on a Date: I was spayed in 1989
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Only when me and my posse embarked upon a clandestine mission to free the doggies from that awful pet store between The Sharper Image and the Orange Julius on the third floor......suckers :)
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I'm still here, so what do you think?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I live in Texas!!! Would you eat sushi from Texas?
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes. I do Karaoke at Bennigans on Wednesday nights.
In the past month have you been Dumped: No, I do all of the dumping. Just ask Hank.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I NEVER take my collar off. Perverts.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Only every heart on Rainey Steet.
Ever been Drunk: Not since my conditional discharge from the Arlen Rehabilitation Clinic
Ever been called a Tease: WILL
Ever been Beaten up: THIS
Ever Shoplifted: SURVEY
How do you want to Die: EVER
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: END?!?!?!?!?
What country would you most like to Visit: Oh, thank god!!!
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