I am a very beautiful American Pit Bull Terrier. Momma tells me I'm beautiful because I have golden eyes to match my golden-red fur. I am rather large and voluptuous! Here is a good picture of me having a typical day. All dressed up, waiting for Teddy to notice my loveliness, a walk, or perhaps a peanut butter treat! Oh, it's a hard life being so beautiful!
I came into this world from what was considered "a good breeder" but when I was taken from that place as a tiny little puppy, the living conditions were so bad that I was so infested with parasites that they were going to kill me. A nice lady paid them so she could take me away. She was looking for a puppy, but she couldn't leave me there even though I was so unhealthy.
I traveled across our big United States and ended up in Idaho. Momma and Daddy saw an ad in the newspaper, giving me up for free. So they took me home. The lady who gave me up had to. Her parents wouldn't let her keep me because she moved back home and there was no room for me. That happens to a lot of dogs. But now I live where I will be forever!
I love Peanut Butter and rawhide chews and vanilla Ice cream! I would probably eat them at the same time if Momma let me, but she doesn't let me eat a lot of junk. She wants me to keep my beautiful figure "Beauty-Full".....then she laughs at me because I am very voluptuous. I would really like to know what that word means. Even my Boy-Toy Teddy knows what that means and He's deaf!
Sometimes I feel so sad, because my lover-boy, Teddy, was used as a fighter. His beautiful ears were mutilated and he was fought in the pits. You know what happened too? He was used and dumped on the side of a road, left to die. When the bad people cut off his ears, they didn't even have a doctor do it. I guess they wanted to save money. I so love my Teddy!
Momma always kisses Teddy and rubs his little ears and tells him he's beautiful. I don't mind that at all. A lot of people don't like the way Teddy looks, so they won't pet him even! But Momma and Daddy make up for that a lot! So do other friends who know him. They all love him too!
Did you know that we love to chase butterflies? Teddy is so fast that he can catch them in his mouth and eat them. I think that's typical "male behavior" and then he tries to kiss me. No way, BABY, I don't want butterfly breath!
Momma and Daddy love to take us to the lake because my most favorite things is swimming. But I sink like a stone! So I have to wear this bright orange life jacket, which, by the way, makes me look fat! But if I can go into that water and swim, I will do it in a heartbeat! My Teddy, he just gets so embarrassed with my antics and pretends not to notice me. Momma and Daddy promised to get him a pair of "Doggles," but I think he wants to wear them as sunglasses to act like he's in disguise! He even wears our daddy's hat to look like he doesn't know who I am!
Teddy doesn't like to get in the water with me. He just pretends not to know me at all! This is a fine example of his disgusting expression!
He gets this sort of "blank" look on his face when I try to make a fool of myself...sort of like when he stares at his stupid fish at home. Like....duhhhhh. and I get so upset because when he's in that kind of mood, nothing I do will win his attention! I love my Teddy, but he's such a.......such a..........MAN!
When Teddy acts like this, I just want to slap him silly with my Momma's bra. I will actually prance around the house wearing that to get his attention. Do I get his attention? Of course NOT!. Just look at me! I'm BEAUTIFUL!
What does he think? "Oh, gosh, if I sit here long enough, a fishie might jump in my mouth!" What an imbecile! I can't believe how insensitive Teddy is when it comes to watching his stupid fish!
I mean, let's be honest here for a moment. If you had to look at me in all of my glorious beauty, or stare at a stupid fish? Which would it be?
Sometimes I get so tired of staring at the back of this! What do you think? Is the back of Teddy's head his "best side? I mean, really!
It's a good thing that my Teddy, boy-toy, is so adorable. Or I'd have to switch him for another model! That's what humans say to each other. I don't know exactly what that means, but it sounds good.
Okay. I have to ask this question. Have you ever seen anything so disgusting? I mean, honestly! Teddy' head is so big, how could Daddy ever get out of bed? He's stuck there for like.....like.....FOREVER! Teddy sat on my head last night! Thank goodness Daddy was there to rescue me! I thought I was gonna die of "Doggie Butt Suffocation! I can see it now. The newspapers will read, "And she died because her Boy-Toy sat on her head with his big fat butt and she couldn't move, so she suffocated to death!" I think NOT.
You see this picture of me above? you wanna know why I look like that? Well, just take a look at the picture BELOW of Teddy Roosevelt, "Dat Manly DOOD" and that silly dog just makes me wanna cackle like a hen laying an egg! I mean, honestly! Who wants to look at all his "manly freckles" anyway? I ask you this?
Even Teddy Roosevelt, our longtime dead President of the United States is laughing at Teddy's antics! I bet if he were still alive, he wouldn't like having my Teddy named after him! Hmphf!