just because i rock doesn't mean i'm made of stone!
Currently, I am the disputed World Champion of Heavyweight Boxing, but I try to be the most dynamic person that most people will ever meet. If I am nothing else, I am interesting. I have spent a great deal of time attempting to be a man of many trades. I am open, very moderate to liberal politically, good natured, artistic, and intelligent. On the other hand I also spent 6 years in the Marine Corp, so I am a very driven self-motivated person.
I am a programmer because I think that code is art that I can make money creating right now. Also, graduate studies were not paying the bills, but I am returning to school very shortly. To know me is to love me. Or was it to hate me? I don't recall, either way, I am a lot of fun. Guaran-effin-teed. I love to look for an adventure and I am always down to hang out whether it is at Mardi Gras or just lounging around watching movies. I am a great friend to have because I have the incredible ability to change an evening from zero to total anarchy at the drop of a phone call. I like to think that I rule pretty effin hard. Like some sort of hyper intelligent rock star that did average in college and doesn't play any musical instruments. Make sense? If so, you need to call me right away, because I need a new therapist.
If you drop me a line, I'm usually prompt to write back, since I work on the internet. I work and live on the ...
What I have learned from past relationships with women is:
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Man, when the judge's restraining order says 500 yards, he means it.
If she has a huge adam's apple and giant hands, you should have listened to your friends. And finally . .
Don't ever be caught saying, "Man, what's that chicks problem? Why hasn't she called me yet? I called her like a million times!"
"All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not. "
20 random questioned answered about me and my MySpace
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I am one of the few men I know of who have faked a male orgasm. Multiple times.
I lost my virginity in front of a crowd.
If you leave me a message with an embedded image I will most likely find you less cool not more cool. If it blinks I'll hate you. If it's one of those animated yellow emoticons I just might kill you while you sleep.
I was the second youngest in my family to graduate from college with multiple degrees.
My profile code is handwritten; don't ask me where I got it or how to do it.
I prefer to leave humorous or spiteful messages. If I compliment you I am either intoxicated or serious. Less likely to be the latter.
Asking me to comment you will surely remove any chance of it happening.
I have over 10 major scars on my body and face from numerous ER visits up to and including skull and heart surgery.
I don't like fruit and vegetables by themselves. In effect, I do not eat salad. I prefer them on a sandwich or in some other meal format.
I love sluts. Seriously. Even the MySpace kind. Pretty girls who wonder why their mediocre friend gets all the attention at parties and bars should take notes on their whorish body language.
If you want to know what I like to talk about, the following subjects arise in my various conversations through the week (not necessarily in this order): politics, technology, pop-culture, sex, and religion. If you really want to get meta-physical about it, those 5 cover all topics in life, I find.
I don't bang the ugly or fat ones. Sober. More then once.
Yes, I am for 'reals'.
Yes, I am the 'whole package'.
Yes, I am this cocky.
Yes, I am sure I'm straight.
In short? 69, shaved, and astroglide.
People say that in real life I am a dead ringer for Jason Giambi .
Nothing I do on here is by accident. I do love to write. I do love to perform. I do think I am funny. I am a dick in real life.
I have had drinks with or spit on more celebrities then the average person. Sometimes at the same time!
Introducing Johnny Awesome
My new name is now Johnny Awesome.
Why Johnny Awesome? Because I have decided to legally change my name to that. Its pretty much like that Simpsons Episode where Homer changes his name to 'Max Power'. People tend to take interest in the outrageous, ergo I needed a name to match my behavior.
Exactly how awesome are you, really?
They tried to determine how awesome I am by drawing blood and sending it to several independent testers.
The results all came back inconclusive.
Reason?
My awesome level was so off the charts they determined me to be "awesome toxic"; a level previously only found in dead rock stars and stunt pilots.
By all accounts, I should be dead from awesome poisoning long ago. Yet, my awesome riddled body continues to rock on as though driven by some larger awesome purpose.
What's it like to be Johnny Awesome?
Glad you asked. Its pretty effin sweet. To give you some insight into my daily life I have decided to link to my flickr account, so you can always check in on the latest pics.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/everynobody/
Are you for real(s)?
I am not certain, but I think so. Wait. Yes. I am. Well, actually I did have two beers with breakfast. I dunno. Confidence is high nonetheless.
Is there a Mrs. Awesome?
Well, no. But Jonny Awesome always follows Sun Tzu's Art of War. "Keep your favorite top nacho close. But keep every other ho closer."
Is this like when you were a kid and wanted to be named Maverick after you watched Top Gun?
Holy shit! Who told you about that? No, but still, that was weird. I only told Heather in my third grade class. Damn. I knew she would tell.
Well, I still think it's lame.
Oh yeah? Well fuck you then. Besides, what kind of loser name is [insert your name here, please. thanks. tootles.]
Additional Evidence
Here are some examples of why I rule. Hard.
vote for my drunken ass-shot!
The Story Behind the Ass:
For a long time I just kind of let my ass hang out there, and I have since grown tired of responding to messages wondering what and how this travesty could happen. So without further ado; here is what actually went down:
I had just graduated from college, and went back to my hometown to stay with my folks for a bit before my actual graduation party. During a trip to the grocery store I ran into some old friends from High School who had never left town (very similar to the situation in that movie Garden State). Anyways, I ended drinking with all of my old friends and deciding that I was going to try and prove that everything in the universe is circular (thanks a lot Einstein) by attempting to drink myself sober.
It pretty much goes without saying that I was proven horribly wrong and somehow barely managed to get back to my parent's living room and falling asleep, but not before deciding it was a great idea to strip myself naked (sans sock removal). Of course to compliment this outfit I also determined it was a snappy idea to grab a plate of chicken wings and A-1 sauce.
In the morning my dad found me and covered me up, but not before snapping this shot. Of course I knew nothing about it, until he distributed this image as a flyer at the actual graduation party rendering me totally speechless.
100 percent awesome, dad.
a little section called MOST RECENT PIC
19 August 2006 - Claudia and I on her bday
back in the day . . .
my college daze ruled. just like me.
more reasons why i rule
i should have been on the cover of punk and disorderly
i love beer. physically