Patrick Austin

I'm a real good time guy who likes to make sure everybody is having a blast. Unless it becomes tedious and an uphill battle. An average stand-up show or party night starts off the same: real awkward, with a lot of silence and judging. Then I'll start bringin' the party.
I'll start namedropping left and right, "Hey I know him, and I know her," bragging about people I've met and things I've done..."So then we ended up in a raft with some Kingsford coals, and then this happened and that happened, it was crazy" - real braggadocious type stuff.
Then we move into the part of the night where I pretend I might know you from somewhere. Throwin' out phrases like "Haven't we met before," or "Do you know Mike." If we by some off chance do know someone in common, I will start bagging on them like no tomorrow. It's just what I do. If you try and call it a night too early, I'll start getting really loud and threaten to call your family and let them know what a disappointment you grew up to be, and that they should be ashamed of you. I may ask to wear some of your clothes at some point. It's a hoot.
I'll refer to things in passing that confuse you, like Coach Lubbock from Just the 10 of Us, Vickie the Robot, RA the Rugged Man and the Magic Bullet. I don't expect you to know, just smile. I probably am just talking at you because you're near me. Somewhere around 11pm I'll suggest karaoke. I'm a one trick Nick, and I only sing "Ice Ice Baby," but it is like watching Jesus read the Gospel. I would assume. In my mind people are LOVING IT. They can't get enough, and can't even believe what they've just seen and heard. I'll bask in the afterglow of that for at least 30 minutes. Then things get ugly.
I'll get really frisky and want to leave. I'll probably just walk out into the parking lot and wait for everyone else to realize I'm gone. When somebody finally comes out, around 1:58am - I'll beg for Taco Bell. Literally. It's quite a scene. Sure enough I'll get there both by hook and by crook. And you guessed it...8/10 times I'm eating it in your car. Sauce and tiny tomatoes everywhere.
I'll wake up the next morning and pine for Eggs Benedict. If you want to learn more about me, go to Wikipedia and search for "Iron Chef Cat Cora."