I am a comic that takes everything either too seriously or not serious at all. I pull for the villans in movies. I cannot pronounce Massachusetts correctly. I onced picked up a dwarf. Anytime I make up a person for a joke or story I either use the name Pam or Phil. I am scared of Birds. I hate the letter J. Potatoe salad is the Devil. Couch/Loveseat same difference. I mispelled the word "who" in a college essay. I can fly in my dreams. I still have a burning hatred for my third grade teacher. I can't dance. I still call "safety" after I fart, I also still occasionally light one. I test drove a mini van last week. I don't know anyone named Fred. I never beat Super Mario Brothers. I once picked up a dwarf. I tend to repeat myself. I try to move stuff with my mind at least once a week. Lactose intolerant......you betcha. Never had Tuna. I once managed to go a whole six days without having to put on pants. I am way to proud of that last one. I broke up with a girl when I was 19 because I watched her eat raw hamburger meat. I could swim before I could walk, but I was in second grade before I learned to ride a bike. My chest hair has a bald spot. I love short choppy sentences. I type 22 words a minute. I litter, I litter entirely too much, way more than a man should ever ever litter. I can hang mini-blinds quicker than anyone I've ever met. I throw away all my socks and buy new ones every six weeks. I miss pajamas with feet in them. I call my baby girl Piglet. I'm a fantastic cribbage, canasta, RISK, spades and scattagories player. Sentence fragments are . My wife tells me I'm not funny. I'm pretty sure I'm Mom's favorite kid. I forget to raise the lid. I have been listed as a judge, a reverend, and a professor when my friend needed a job reference. I had to have help building a myspace page.
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