emmett - ProfilesArchive

About Me

laid-back pop-culture geek with strict opinions on personal hygiene but very lax standards for general organizational skills. i hide my general terror and disappointment behind a mountain of clutter and toys. i firmly believe there's a little robocop in all of us. everybody who works at best buy is a jerk. wendy's has delicious chili, and all music made after 1995 is more than likely awful. nothing bono has to say could possibly interest anyone. everytime i order something, no matter how many times i make sure i've edited my shipping preferences, amazon ALWAYS sends my package to my parents' house. i have crippling fears of commitment and intimacy.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Emmett!

A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but emmett can not.Originally, emmett could not fly.99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as emmett!In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as emmett.If you put a drop of liquor on emmett, he will go mad and sting himself to death.There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat emmett, though it may feel uncomfortable.Emmett can jump up to sixteen times his own height.Snow White's coffin was made of emmett.There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting emmett.Emmett is the only bird that can swim but not fly! I am interested in - do tell me about

My Interests

nudity interests me. and cartoons, cereal, action figures, television, and monkeys.

I'd like to meet:

jack black. i'd probably screw around with him. even though i'm straight. i bet it would be fun. and it would be a great story for parties. because i go to parties and tell stories at them all the time.

Music:

reverend horton heat, pixies, superchunk, soulcracker, stone roses, sebadoh, rob zombie, journey, killing joke, the replacements, husker du, bow wow wow, motorhome, galaxie 500, dinosaur jr, vince guaraldi trio, tenderloin, jazz butcher, bowie, jesus lizard

Movies:

barfly, return of the living dead, lord of the rings, star wars, indiana jones, re-animator, road warrior, liquid sky, christiane f, leon, talk radio, valley girl, raising arizona, shakes the clown, something wild, little witches, manos: the hands of fate, army of darkness, buckaroo banzai, almost famous, the commitments, the road warrior, reservoir dogs, van helsing

Television:

sealab, brak, simpsons, young ones, mxc, wrestling, lost, doctor who

Books:

brave new world, deadeye dick, breakfast of champions, women, ham on rye, septuagenarian stew, selected poems of ee cummings, titus andronicus

Heroes:

bowie, vonnegut, bukowski, sparks, robocop, both elvises, chris jericho, obi-wan kenobi, dennis miller, randal graves

My Blog

huh?

when i log in, the "sponsored links" section is offering me charles bukowski ringtones.i can only imagine what those might be.but as often as my mom calls, i think it's safe to assume that i do not wa...
Posted by emmett on Mon, 07 Jan 2008 06:51:00 PST

the precision of viking rage

there's this snickers commercial. a pilgrim comes out to tell this viking that the gas station is out of snickers. the viking screams and throws a trash can at a car.the pilgrim then tells the viking ...
Posted by emmett on Tue, 11 Dec 2007 07:34:00 PST

i think we're alone now

so i'm watching celebrity fit club.(shut up. nothing else is on, and my brain is fried from work today.)anyway, tiffany's on it. that reminded me of a story i wrote back in college about a dream i had...
Posted by emmett on Thu, 14 Jun 2007 07:56:00 PST

that explains it.

why don't i get to see it?passed byblue flamesyellow curlsright and left handswallpaper and someone else's dogan envelope still on the dashand this fucking mystery noisepushed away before the dirt was...
Posted by emmett on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 10:38:00 PST

fucking geese

He was all like "hssss" and I was like "well?" and he just stood there with his neck all long and I was like "thought so" and he was like "hssss."
Posted by emmett on Tue, 27 Mar 2007 08:20:00 PST

it's all about the power between your legs

monkeys on solar-powered dirt bikes.since i was a kid, i've been fixated on that image. it pops up in lots of stories that i write. i'm not sure where i got it from. i don't THINK i saw it in a movie ...
Posted by emmett on Mon, 29 Jan 2007 08:41:00 PST

new glasses make the world slanty

i have said all i need to sayand never uttered a wordmy eyeballs are killing me.twenty years passes a lot of water under the bridgeit's like you never leftit all feels the same...
Posted by emmett on Tue, 28 Nov 2006 09:19:00 PST

squirty cheese + pizza potato chips = dinner

Today I told you how I feelToday I laid myself bareToday I spoke of the futureAnd happiness and beginningsAnd last chancesToday I reached out a trembling handFull of promise and permanenceToday I reme...
Posted by emmett on Mon, 16 Oct 2006 09:30:00 PST

it's the right color, though

i wear it around mecuff to collar, ragged and wornthis regret i wear like a shirtwarm enough to keep meand never throw awaywet with rain and threadbarealways there under my clothesnever too farand for...
Posted by emmett on Tue, 03 Oct 2006 08:49:00 PST

i miss you more than you can imagine.

that is all.
Posted by emmett on Sun, 01 Oct 2006 02:04:00 PST