ANNE BOLEYN - ProfilesArchive

About Me

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Well, historians cannot agree on whether I was born in 1501 or 1507. It is such a pity. At least they have their heads. I was born in England, but I spent most of my childhood in the French court. I learned some things about sophistication and style that you just can't learn in the English court. I also learned some things about how horny men are. I eventually had to leave France and serve Queen Catherine of Aragon in England. There, I managed to get a very good marriage proposal from Henry Percy of Northumberland, but Cardinal Wolsey broke it up. Asshole. Oh well, I got my revenge on him. Half of the court seemed to want down my skirts. I was quite the hot tamale.
Me and Henry Percy

Even the king himself wanted to bang me. However, I rejected him. Like I'd give myself away like a common tart.

So, he eventually ended up breaking with Rome just to marry me. He had to break with Rome because the good old pope wouldn't annull Henry's marriage to the Arthur shagger, Catherine. I taught Henry some of the reformed religion, and he started his own church, with him as head. I became Queen of England in 1533. I wore a rather beautiful white dress for my coronation.

However, I failed to produce a son. Henry was most upset. Then he met that dim witted Seymour girl who copied me and denied Henry sex. OFF WENT MY HEAD.
I was falsely accused of adultery, incest and witchcraft. I had many enemies at court. They were probably just jealous of how great I am. I heard something about them disliking my arrogance. Imagine that.
THAT SHOWS YOU HOW MEN ARE! THEY FIGHT WITH THE POPE, STOP HANGING OUT WITH SOME OF THEIR BEST FRIENDS, BUY YOU ALL OF THIS NICE CLOTHING, AND NOT TO MENTION SOME NICE JEWELLERY, AND THEN THEY WILL JUST DESERT YOU ONCE THEY HAVE NO USE FOR YOU. HONESTLY LADIES, STAY AWAY FROM MEN IF YOU WISH TO KEEP YOUR HEAD!
Me on my way to the tower
I was very thankful that he hired a French executioner to do it with a sword. Those English just are not good with their axes! I pity Mary Queen of Scots who my daughter had decapitated.
May 19th 1536.
RIP ANNE BOLEYN. 150?-1536
Who wants to help me find my head?
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT ME, OPEN A FLIPPING HISTORY TEXT BOOK!

My Interests

Dancing
France
Luther's writings
Finding my head
Politics

I grew up here

I'd like to meet:

HENRY VIII IN HELL.

Elizabeth I, my daughter

Music:

I like to play the lute.

Apparently Greensleeves was written for me. It is rather nice.

Movies:

ANNE OF THE THOUSAND DAYS

or any other movie that shows sympathy to my case. Honestly, I was not a shameless home wrecker!

Television:

What is this television?The Tudors is shit!

Books:

I can read!

I like reading books on the reformed religion. Martin Luther is an interesting guy. I'm not a Protestant though!

Don't ever read this book by Alison Weir!

Heroes:

I am my own person, I don't need to look up to anyone. However, my dog Purkoy was pretty rad. Too bad that he died!

My Blog

VIDEO ON YOUR FAVOURITE QUEEN

Hey folks, I found this online. It's a nice little video on my downfall. Feel free to watch it. ...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Sun, 27 Jan 2008 06:17:00 PST

The Other Boleyn Girl Trailor

Well, it's finally out. Some of the costumes are rather nice. I still think that I'm about 100 times sexier than Natalie Portman. And my voice was MUCH sexier than hers. What do you think?I ...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Sun, 18 Nov 2007 05:04:00 PST

Anne of the Thousand Days

I thought that my loyal fans would want to know that this lovely movie is out on DVD! You should all buy it.It's rather cheap-good price. The commoners can see this splendid portrayal of my amazing li...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Tue, 09 Oct 2007 02:44:00 PST

The Other Boleyn Girl 2007

The filming for it starts in October. There is quite the list of celebrities in it. Natalie Portman is playing myself, and Scarlet Johannsen is playing my sister, Mary. Will Natalie be able to compare...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Mon, 18 Sep 2006 12:48:00 PST

My head

For those who have not heard, I have found my head. It turns out that it was in a drawer the whole time! How silly of me to have overlooked it. I used duct tape to stick it back on. It was a bit dusty...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Sat, 17 Jun 2006 05:45:00 PST

Anne got Tagged!

If you have been tagged by "The BOB" -- then follow the rules below. If you don't follow the rules, flying monkeys will eat you..... Here are the rules: This game consists of listing "7 weird ...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Sun, 04 Jun 2006 05:24:00 PST

POEM

MURDER MOST ROYALQueen Anne lost her head for not bearing a sonAnd King Henrys desire for her had quite goneHe accused her of treason - adultery and more, Of incest and witchcraft, and called her a wh...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Wed, 26 Apr 2006 05:32:00 PST

Anne of the Thousand Days

That movie always depresses me. But Genevieve Bujold did a very good job playing me. She's quite the good actress, isn't she? She wasn't quite as sexy as me though. But then again, who is?
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Sun, 19 Mar 2006 08:23:00 PST

Tudor Reunion

I found this story online. It is called "The Tudor Rose Bar" and is by Gareth Russell. I find it rather amusing. The Tudor Rose Barby Gareth Russell As a general rule the Tudor Rose Bar, did a roar...
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Sun, 26 Feb 2006 07:14:00 PST

CANADA

If I only I could live there. I bet that I could find a mountie to help me find my head. Maybe he would fall in love with me. Maybe he wouldn't chop off any other of my remaining body parts....
Posted by ANNE BOLEYN on Sun, 19 Feb 2006 07:41:00 PST