Don - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I encompassed the silver screen for decades, entertaining the masses with my acting prowess. Humble you say? Yes I am. I personally kicked Clint Eastwood's punkass at the box office with the "Incredible Mr. Limpdick". Played a fish (and smelled like one too) in "Splash". Played a brutal killer in "In cold mud". Truman Capote tried to kiss me during filming, and I had Mr. Haney kick his swishy rump. Played "Furley" on "Threesome Company", and of course the Fife (the trigger happy cop) on "Mayberry R.F.D." I also sang on "The Poo Flingers" last album. Am currently looking for work in Hollywood.

My Interests

Shining my pistol, acting surprised, counting the stars on Hollywood Blvd. Calling my agent 10-20 times a day, begging for work...

I'd like to meet:

A blue haired babe on life-support systems, that needs a beneficiary. Ann Southern. Mel Blanc, Alice Cooper, Laska the wonder babe, Stinky the cheese man.Trash Bin Laden. Sodomy Hussein.

Music:

Poo Flingers, Spltnr, Meg Lee's Chin, Arthur Lyman, Ladytron, Glass Hammer, Moldplay, Lawrence Welk, Chomp the wonder beaver, Glenn Miller, Enya, The Searchers, REM Speedwagon, Mitch Miller

Movies:

Any movie with me in it. "Opie gets a hickey", "Rollerball, "Brutal Planet","It's a mad,mad,mad, world", "Return to Mayberry", Bonnie Bakely does Dallas

Television:

Three's Company, Opie wets the bed, Mayberry R.F.D., Return to Mayberry, Murder in Mayberry, Return to Three's Company, Forensick Detectives, Americans Idle

Books:

Don Knott's Berry Farm Chronicles, My life inside a ping pong ball, How I spent my summer, Scream (abridged version)

Heroes:

Dolly Llama, and the Nikkei Index