Shelley Winters profile picture

Shelley Winters

I'm Debra Winger's daughter!

About Me

Well I've joined the recently deceased and boy does it suck. Wherever I go there's fire. I used to be somebody. An actor of distinction, until bitterness and the bottle took over. George Raft humped my leg yesterday, and Errol Flynn thought it was humorous. What a Gaywad. I like bon bons, sour cream and out of tune banjoes. They laughed when I poured whiskey over Oliver Reed's head. He's down here with me the rat bastard.I figure while I'm down here I'm gonna make a big comeback and then I'll show you ingrates what I'm made of. Stand back Hollywood, you ain't seen nothing yet.SW

My Interests

I like (I don't anymore, cause I'm diseased, I mean deceased) Hoisting gin bottles, screaming at loved ones, playing the drama queen. Singing the "right profile" at the top of my lungs, and irritating the neighbors. When I see Joe Strummer I'm going to rock his world. I just pray he doesn't hump my leg.

I'd like to meet:

Ewan McGregor, Chubby Checker (I hear he's got a massive schlong), Fat Albert (just to see if he's as fat as I am), Milli Vanilla, Donald Frump, Jack Daniels, Sid Vicious, The Maltese Falcon. Sam & Dave, D.B. Cooper (where's the money, ya big yutz), The Maytag Repairman, P.J. Probe Me, The guy who played Pepino on the Real McCoys, Cantinflas and Rebecca Quick!

Music:

Mel Torme, Spice Girls, Hanson, Ruddy Bich (I mean, Buddy Rich), REM Speedwagon, Jackson Brownnose, Crosby, Pills and Hash, Randy the Rotating Rump Roaster, Village Peephole, and anything that has tambourines and sitars.

Movies:

Any movie I'm in. The Posiedon Adventure. Bedtime for Bonzo. Bio-Dome, Sleepy in Seattle. Barfly. Rude Boy goes to Ridgecrest. Bruce Wilbur in "Die Hard". Indiana Jones and the lost tennis shoe. Godzilla goes to Anaheim.

Television:

Genital Hospital. The Young and the Chestless. The Ellen DeGenerate Show. My mother, the car. Mr. Ed. Cops (they have the best actors). Ren & Stumpy. Xena, the latent lesbian warrior (buxom, handsome slut...I'm jealous).

Books:

300 uses for Tequila, Vermouth in our Western Culture, Lace and Whiskey, Days of Winos and Roses, Barfly, Cooking with Beer.

Heroes:

Mickey O' Rourke, Erik & Lyle, The Teletubbies, Robert Downer Jr., Enya, Edith Piaf, and Maury Po bitch. Milli Vanilli.

My Blog

What was Jessica thinking?

My good friend Jessica has gotten herself into a an awful mess. She moved to Brawley. Which leads me to wonder "What was she thinking"? Was it a job? A lover? A desire to live in a place where the tem...
Posted by Shelley Winters on Thu, 21 Jun 2007 06:57:00 PST

I am NOT Rosie O' Donnell's evil twin!

To the Phoenix Gazette that printing that scathing, disgusting article on Rosie being my "evil twin" I say go directly to Hell. I for one am beautiful, charming intelligent and ohhhh so sexy. Rosie on...
Posted by Shelley Winters on Mon, 18 Jun 2007 04:17:00 PST

I'm Anna Nicole's Mother!

Dear friends,  I feel it's time to reveal my deepest, darkest secret. I've been hiding my true identity to the masses. It's only fair to all involved that I come clean. Yesterday my sweet, lovely...
Posted by Shelley Winters on Sat, 10 Feb 2007 10:42:00 PST

Richard Burton drank all my vermouth!

Tallulah Bankhead once said "If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it again, only sooner". On the strong of that, I should have dumped a half gallon of 151 rum on Burton's head, and lit his punkass...
Posted by Shelley Winters on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 09:27:00 PST