Jack Tripper

Hi, my name is Jack and I live in an apartment in Santa Monica with my two gorgeous roommates (Crissy and Janet). The landlord, Mr. Roper, doesn't approve of that type of lifestyle. So, I have to pretend to smoke wiener (if you know what I mean). For the last couple of seasons...I mean years, I've been trying to bang both of them, but to no avail. I've tried everything from getting them drunk to the pity angle. Sure, I've made out with both of them, but hell I've kissed Larry for Christ sake!...I need to get laid like anyone else! What is the use of having two girl roommates if they won't let you make a Jack sandwich??? Did I mention how UN-GAY I am.