Tommy Cheeseballs - ProfilesArchive

About Me

"I'm the craziest motherfucker you ever met in your life- trust me- and if you wanna find out yous can all find out tonight!"
Hi, my name is Tommy. I'm from Elmwood Park, New Jersey where I live in my mom's basement. I don't own a dresser so all my wifebeaters and other clothing are piled on the floor. I work construction in Whippany. When summertime rolls around, I spend every weekend in heaven...I mean Seaside Heights. A couple of my buddies own a house there. We all chip in for rent, food, & beer. Here are some pictures of me and my friends.
Kangols and Corleones baby. The only way to go. Me as a young lad Winter in Whippany. Counting down the days until I get to go down the Shore again. Me in mom's basement in Elmwood Park. Party central. Our summer share in Seaside Heights. Anthony, the clown of the group "I had my share of fun times with girls but I didn't find 'the one.' I'm looking for a long term relationship now and I didn't find that person down here, but I didn't really think I would either down here. But ya gotta meet them people in church or supermarkets or something like that." -anthony This is Michelle F. She will not be attending Merge tonight because she will be ironing everybody's fucking clothes. This is Michelle H. She's extremely attractive. I'm not exactly sure how she got hooked up with this lot of losers. This is Jeff without beer goggles. This is Jeff being smushed beer goggles and all by some cow he met at Merge. This is Cousin Vinnie. This is Skinny. This is Mike. This is Old School Kim. This is my territory, the cheeseball stand. This is me holding my "wubby." YOU WANNA SQUARE UP BITCH???? Big pimpin' eatin' cheese(balls).
Some guy imitating me. Some other guy imitating me. Tommy Sausage From the Jersey Shore Part 1 Tommy Sausage From the Jersey Shore Part 2

My Interests

That's the end of that hole. Aaaaaaahhhhhh. Ya gotta love the Wubby. What are you trying to make out to be the bad guy? You're full of shit. It's time to go take this place by storm! Oh wait, shit I forgot cologne. Anybody need cologne? It's great havin' fun with the guys- eatin' drinkin' everything bullshittin' everything havin' a good time- but still in the back of my head I can't stop wonderin' what happened to that girl in the black hat. And if you look at him and you look at me I'll fuckin' snap his neck like a fuckin' twig. BU BAH!!!Oh my God. I just blasted into my car. I just kept gettin' close to her cuz I wanted her to smell me and my pheromones ya know and just let me get close to her because I know once I got close to her and she could feel that then she could understand exactly what I'm about. Let's go, everybody start rockin' the numbers. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Well there goes that one. That day everything from the whole summer just started really catching up to me. There ain't no fuckin' 400 pound fuckin' man who's gonna talk shit to somebody that I care about and gonna get away with it. Who the fuck he think he is? This is MY area.

"Anybody got a fishin' pole? Or should I use my swizzle stick?"
Some of my interests include: 1. Going down to "the Shore" every weekend during the summer. 2. Getting drunk on weak girly shots like kamikazes and sex on the beach at Temptations and Merge. 3. Cutting the line and threatening people at the cheeseball stand. 4. Waxing poetic about "the Shore" when I'm drilling through two foot thick concrete and freezing my ass off at my awful job during the dead of winter. 5. Insulting people by saying that they're a member of the "dickie-do" club. That means that their stomach sticks out further than their dickie do.
Here are some pictures of me from last summer. In this one, I had just found out that one of my best friends hooked up with my ex. This depressed me to no end so I got all drunk at Merge's "White Party" and went to the cheeseball stand and put my feet up on the counter. Besides cutting in line and threatening people there, I can put my feet up on the counter because the cheeseball stand is my territory.
This photo is of another time last summer when my friend Michelle and I almost got into a rumble with some guys at the cheeseball stand. They didn't realize that the cheesball stand was my territory and that I automatically get to cut the line. I referred to these guys as the "bad element of Seaside" and to myself as the "good element of Seaside." I know this sounds puzzling since I'm actually from North Jersey and not from Seaside Heights but trust me on this one, OK?
Does it give somebody a right to fuck with my girl...push my girl???
YOU LOOK LIKE UNCLE FESTER YOU FAT FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! You wanna soap up my back and I'll soap up yours? Otherwise we're gonna look like a buncha losers!

I'd like to meet:

My future wife. I will someday at either Merge or Temptations. What woman can resist this mug?

Music:

I love the song "Appreciate Me" by Amuka. Besides that I love all the music that they play at Temptations and Merge. Last summer I was out dancing to music with my new friend Michelle and she brought me a pile of napkins and wiped the perspiration off my body. It's little things like that that make me love a girl and want to marry her.

Movies:

Me and my boys like to watch "Goodfellas" on the DVD player in Anthony's Escalade on the way to the clubs.

Books:

I've never read a book.

Heroes:

Tommy DeVito The guy that invented cheese balls.

My Blog

New sponsor

I'd like to welcome a new sponsor to the official Tommy Cheeseballs MySpace page. Everybody go check out TigerDroppings.com - "The Poop on LSU Sports." Thanks for all your support.
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Mon, 08 Jan 2007 07:03:00 PST

The Tempations closing party...

...which they throw every year is just basically an all out bash. Everybody who you've seen down the Shore the whole summer will be at Tempts at that closing night and all it is is just everyone getti...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 07:26:00 PST

When the clubs finally close...

When the clubs finally close we usually go over to a place called Steaks Unlimited- go get some steak sangwiches & some cheeseballs. *clap clap clap*cheeseballs!*cheeseballs!*cheeseballs!* (ther...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Thu, 18 May 2006 09:01:00 PST

I did not end up hookin' up with her

I guess she kinda got the hint and she decided to leave. I know I could've probably had sex with her or whatever but it's just not what I'm lookin' for. And it's funny even not doing what everyone wou...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Mon, 03 Apr 2006 06:53:00 PST

Girls

As far as the girls go down at the Jersey Shore, a lot of 'em just basically talk shit, they'll tell you what you wanna hear in the beginning and then they'll go and do something else right off the ba...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Tue, 07 Mar 2006 08:23:00 PST

So what happened today is...

...I found out that my ex fucked one of my closest friends. And I'm getting tanked tonight- hammered- and I'm gonna try and forget about it, as hard as it is. She ripped my heart out of my chest and f...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Fri, 03 Mar 2006 09:33:00 PST

When it comes to getting girls down here...

...you either gotta be a good dancer to get in that game, you gotta either have a good line, or you just gotta be a great looking man. Now I'm not the best looking man in the world and I don't really ...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Sat, 04 Feb 2006 07:12:00 PST

Saturday night Seaside, I'm gettin' crazy! It's on!!!!!!!!

Down there I guess we have a ritual that goes on pretty much the same schedule every weekend. Usually at around 11:00 we'll end up going to our favorite club. First we hit the bar. Then we scope out t...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Sun, 22 Jan 2006 02:34:00 PST

My thoughts regarding white pants on a girl

White pants on a girl are phenomenal. Except if it's your girlfriend. She can't wear white pants! They're too revealing. You can see da thong right through da pants! I don't want no man lookin' at my ...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Fri, 20 Jan 2006 02:31:00 PST

Where the fuck...?!?

Where the fuck?!? What the fuck happened to my cheeseballs?Where's my cheeseballs? My cheeseballs were right here!!!!!!!! WHERE'S MY FUCKING CHEESEBALLS??????? ...
Posted by Tommy Cheeseballs on Fri, 20 Jan 2006 06:52:00 PST