Rasputin

I grew up in a podunk village, enduring the harsh climate of Russia. I devoted my life to the studies of the Russian Orthodox Church (the only one that matters!) and grew to become a rather powerful holy man. I could cure shit that you couldn't even pronounce. I soon got in tight with the Tzar and his family, and they in turn got me into some amazing parties. But the aristocracy were a buncha haters, cos I was gettin friendly with the wives, and the men couldn't respect my flava. So then came the massive propaganda campaign against me, and a bunch of punks tried to kill me. But I'm God's homie, right? So their poison didn't do shit, their bullets didn't do shit, their bludgeonings didn't do shit, and when they tried to drown me, I was just fed up (cos a gunshot may not kill me, but it hurts like a motherfucker!) so I faked my death. So then I layed low for a century, give or take, mackin on chicks, and working in secret with the U.S. Government to topple the Communists that took control of my beloved country. But ultimately living in secret was boring as hell, so I'm back with the Myspace page to proove it! Parties at my house every day!!!!