Jesus - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm the son of God you idiot.I would like to also remind everyone that I did not write nor do I endorse the bible. In fact I wasn't even around when it was written. The scriptures are mearly an account of my life, the interpretation is up to you.
I *heart* all of you.
This profile was NOT edited with Thomas' myspace editor
(Jesus writes his own HTML).
PS. Thanks for the add does not constitute a comment nor is it very entertaining, I'll leave those comments up for a day or two out of courtesy then send them to hell.
People often ask me why I speak in parables. Well that's so the stupid people won't understand what I am talking about so they won't make it into heaven and screw things up like they do here.
In response to the question "Why is Jesus called the Lamb of God"
The sacrifice of lambs played a very important role in the Jewish religious life and their sacrificial system.I gave the ultimate sacrifice, there for I am referred to as the Lamb of God.Well at least that's what the bible says...When in reality I am actually the LAMP of God... because I light the way, however during one of the many translations the Holy Book has undergone, there was a typo and Lamp became Lamb.So now we just stick with the whole Lamb of God thing, it's a hell of a lot easier than recalling and reprinting the billion or so copies of the good book that are out there.

My Interests

Parlour tricks, healing cripples and blind people, spreading His word, sheep herding, carpentry.

I'd like to meet:

I already know and love all of you.

Books:

The Old Testament.

Heroes:

My mother the Virgin.

My Blog

Dream I had last night

In my dream there was a big dog, but it was very mean and angry, so angry that it had to be put to sleep because people feared for their lives. After the dog was laid to rest an autopsy was performed ...
Posted by Jesus on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 08:40:00 PST

Your Reality

I haven't posted a bulliten in a while so here goes. It is short and simple and is the answer to having your dreams fullfilled.Your reality is only the fulfillment of your expectations and beliefs.Go ...
Posted by Jesus on Tue, 30 Jan 2007 10:10:00 PST

Reflections Of Self

We Are All Mirrors For Each Other When we look at other people, we see many of their qualities in innumerable and seemingly random combinations. However, the qualities that we see in the people around...
Posted by Jesus on Mon, 22 May 2006 01:43:00 PST

You are born a genius.

You are born a genius. Some of you already know this, some of you may not. You were born with all the knowledge of the universe within you. You had the ability to tap into the collective conscio...
Posted by Jesus on Thu, 08 Dec 2005 06:32:00 PST

Synchronicty - there are no coincidences

THE MORE YOU BELIVE IN SYNCHRONICITY, THE MORE IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. Synchronicities are people, places or events that your soul attracts into your life - to help you evolve or to place emphasis ...
Posted by Jesus on Fri, 02 Dec 2005 02:55:00 PST

Does Heaven Exist?

Kind of makes you wonder doesn't it? Some of these images are over 200,000 light years away. In other words, if you were traveling at the speed of light (186,000 miles per second, you would travel ...
Posted by Jesus on Mon, 05 Dec 2005 11:29:00 PST

You better read this!

I wrote this (Jesus), this is not a repost, but it would be great if you all reposted it.Big brother is coming. You don't think it can happen think again. Don't think it will happen here, read to the ...
Posted by Jesus on Fri, 23 Dec 2005 07:04:00 PST

Some people get it

Murderous Santa Display Draws Stares By DAVID B. CARUSO NEW YORK - It's usually easy to tell where a person stands in the culture wars, but whose side is someone on when his Christmas decor ...
Posted by Jesus on Wed, 14 Dec 2005 06:06:00 PST

Question reality

I posted this rant on the "Question Reality" group board, I thought I should also post it here as well for the rest of you. ------------------------------------ You will never get enough people ...
Posted by Jesus on Tue, 13 Dec 2005 01:14:00 PST

Can I get a break? Nov 23, 0022

I'm getting really tired of everyones whining and complaining.. Jesus my leg hurts, Jesus I can't see, Jesus can you turn this water into wine, blah, blah, blah. Get a fucking grip people, take care o...
Posted by Jesus on Wed, 30 Nov 2005 10:37:00 PST