The Swede profile picture

The Swede

I like politics. They make me laugh.

About Me

I'm a real class act. I enjoy long walks on the beach while throwing rocks at seagulls and smashing crabs with sticks. I love animals, or at least I used to before someone caught me doing it and called the cops. Now I just love fish and no one seems to mind or want to get involved. Actually I'm very well balanced and predictable, to a boring degree in fact. I've never even done it with a fish or its eye sockets. I'm probably just like you, because people hate me and everyone thinks I'm tiresome to be around. My social skills are that bad. It's rather sad really. Fortunately you and I discovered the internet and can lie about our character and personality traits to complete strangers.So let's be virtual friends. You can trust me.Oh yeah.
I like make music very much. Here's some links for you:
www.myspace.com/iamtheswede
www.myspace.com/thepresent
www.myspace.com/theslouches
I like make writing very much. Check out my blog why don't you?
Did I mention that I also do art and graphic design? Please message me if you'd like a link to my website and have a project you need done... ..

My Interests

None. Absolutely none. I'm such a fucking snob that everything bores me. But really I'm fascinated by bright shiny objects that move around. Most animals agree.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet everyone in the entire world but that would take a long time and might end up being largely unrewarding. Some people are real assholes. Please try not to be one of them and we'll get along just fine. I will be virtual "friends" with just about anyone, so feel free to add me. My standards are that low, although it would be nice if you dropped me a message at the same time. Email: [email protected] don't think this means you can sleep over or borrow money.I want to meet someone who can teach me how to hotwire cars or get really good at hunting with Chinese throwing stars. That would be cool I guess.

Music:

This should really go under the "Heroes" section for me... The Standells, Radio Birdman, New Race, The New Christs, The Ponys, The Real Kids, The Briefs, The Damned, The Dirtbombs, The Henry Clay People, The Stitches, The Pagans, Creekbird, The Didjits, The Gun Club, The Cows, The Smut Peddlers, The Dexateens, Magazine, The Dwarves, Wilco, Black Flag, Coachwhips, Woodpussy, Charleyhorse, Daniel Johnston, The Ones, King Black Acid, S.S.M., Syd Barrett, No Means No, The Faces, Small Faces, Devo, The Phantom Limbs, Crass, The Kinks, X-Ray Spex, Firecrotch, The Magic Christians, The Epoxies, The Fall, The Butthole Surfers, The Monks, Ween, the first Killing Joke album, The Frogs, The Angry Samoans, The Velvet Underground, Them, The Cramps, The Adicts, Syd Barrett, Hello Defective, The Von Zippers, Brian Eno, DOA, Sky Saxon and The Seeds, The Mormons, The Diplomats of Solid Sound, The Ventures, 400 Blows, Louis Armstrong, Sham 69, Tubeway Army, The Gories, Ministry, The Flaming Lips, The Undertones, The Lazy Cowgirls, Suicide, The Misfits, The Hells, The New York Dolls, The Stranglers, Trashcan Darlings, Bad Brains, The Centimeters, Irving, The Miracle Workers, The Dead Boys, The Bellrays, The Mean Reds, The Barberellas, T. Rex, The Fall-Outs, Louis Armstrong, Missing Persons, The Dictators, Gang Green, The Avengers, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Seven Seconds, The Unicorns, MC5, Rudimentary Peni, Wesley Willis, Zen Guerilla, The Icarus Line, And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead, The Fucking Champs, Guided By Voices, Slint, Richard Hell and the Voidoids, The Cynics, Boss Hog, Gang of Four, The Vibrators, Dead Moon, The Modern Lovers, Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers, Sonic's Rendezvous, Guitarwolf, Suicide, The Mentors, Hank Williams, Tenderloin, 45 Grave, The Rolling Stones when they were still young and on drugs, The Minutemen, Klaus Nomi, Maurice Chevalier, Hella, Otis Redding, The Legendary Shack Shakers, Doo Rag, Deltahead, Bob Logg III, The Buzzcocks, Nina Hagen, Dean Martin, Joan Jett, The Mummies, The Supersuckers (I'll pass on the country shit thanks), The Simpletones, Deep Purple, Nation of Ulysses, Lou Reed when he was still on heroin (circa Transformer and Rock N' Roll Animal), Television (just Marquee Moon, fucking amazing), The Stooges, The Weirdos, The Velvet Cactus Society, The Sharp Ease, Pavement, The Creation, AC DC with Bon Scott, Minor Threat, The Saints, James Brown, The Break Up, The Who, Stiff Little Fingers, The Yardbirds, Frank Zappa, The Stomach Frogs, The Jesus Lizard, The Germans, The Slouches, The Present, The Desert Stormtroopers, Black Santa, Wrong Hole, The Gimmicks, The 16 Men of Tain, Spider Monkey, The Wrenches, Bands with really stupid hybrid names like El Salvador Dalai Parton. Bands that lost their lead flute players to drug overdoses. Also into cheesy bands that misspell their names, like the Beatles for instance.Early Childhood Favorites: "Rhinestone Cowboy" (G. Cambell). "Life's Been Good" (J. Walsh) "You Really Got Me" (Kinks) "In The Summertime" (Mungo Jerry)I'm a bit of a band geek I suppose, but everyone's got their little "thing" in life, don't they? If they don't, they'd better find one soon or die hollow.

Movies:

Curbstompers From Mars (Okay, I made it up. Now back to my "serious" cinematic delights), Delicatessan, Lolita, Brazil, Rear Window, Rushmore, Oldboy, Schizopolis, The Warriors, Shaoilin Soccer, The Machinist, District B-13, The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb, Time Bandits, The Killing, The Gate, Suicide Club, The Red Balloon, There Will Be Blood, Love Liza, A Clockwork Orange, Switchblade Sisters, Alien, Blue Velvet, The Host, Midnight Cowboy, Miller's Crossing, The French Connection I and II (heroin, anyone?), Dog Day Afternoon, Dog Soldiers, Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, Cat People, Cat's Eye, Cat Ballou, Even Dwarves Started Out Small, The Dirty Dozen, Barton Fink, Crumb, Taxi Driver, The Reflecting Skin, Electraglide In Blue, Hated, The Evil Dead 2, Altered, The Tin Drum, Escape From New York, Pan's Labyrinth, Bloodsucking Freaks, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Down By Law, Me, You, and Everyone We Know, The Great Escape, Blade Runner, Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (with Dennis Hopper. What? you haven't seen it? Shame on you), The Swimmer, Crippled Masters, Buckaroo Banzai, Raising Arizona, (Jan Svankmajer's) Faust, Little Otek, Straight To Hell, Happiness, Rock N' Roll Zombies, The Godfather parts I and II (I'd rather polish the head of my penis with a cheese grater than watch part III again), Good Night and Good Luck, Vanishing Point, Enter The Dragon, Grizzly Man, Creepshow II, Trainspotting, Darby O'Gill and The Little People (the only Disney movie on this list and let's keep it that way), Repo Man, Scanners, Shallow Grave, Any Samuel Fuller directed flick, especially Naked Kiss or Shock Corridor. Animation by the Quay Brothers. Practically any Zombie movie ever made (especially some of those shitty Italian ones where dresses become ripped for no apparent reason). Oh yeah, and artsy foreign films that I don't understand but apparently mean something important. PS If you try to make me watch any of those terrible period dramas with either Hugh Grant, Anthony Hopkins, Leonardo DiCrapio, or Kate Winslet in it, I'll fucking kill you. Seriously.

Television:

It's better than real life or actually doing things.

Books:

Just because people write things doesn't mean you should read them.

Heroes:

I like to eat them, but it's spelled "G-Y-R-O-S". Just so you know.

My Blog

Proof that I’m a deeply spiritual person.

The life of a devout acolyte can be physically taxing, but the spiritual rewards far outweigh my personal needs, so I have developed a strict regimen that I adhere to in order to ensure my soul's prog...
Posted by The Swede on Mon, 11 Aug 2008 02:28:00 PST

I say its my birthday. Its my birthday too, yeah.

"Ordinarily" or should I say "In General", aging sucks. But Goddamnit sometimes there are pretty specific perks!This weekend was far too kind to me. Not a bad day's work for another lap around the poo...
Posted by The Swede on Tue, 17 Jun 2008 09:29:00 PST

IMPORTANT BLOG NOTICE.

Please see following blog for more details.
Posted by The Swede on Tue, 27 May 2008 10:13:00 PST

Christmas Eve In The Drunk Tank

The O'Flynns's Christmas parties were legendary. Apart from their parents who were never around, there were four sisters and one brother, and they were all notoriously hard drinkers. True Irish. Their...
Posted by The Swede on Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:14:00 PST

The Intervention

It was just after college that my heroin addiction really blossomed. Once the distraction of school was over, my girlfriend and I were able to fully devote ourselves to staying high. Ostensibly I was ...
Posted by The Swede on Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:09:00 PST

The Perfect Game of Pool.

Tonight I shot a perfect game of pool. I broke, hit another, and kept going until I got to the eight ball. Then I sank that one too and didn't scratch. PAUSE BRIEFLY, KNOCK ON WOOD.This is not braggin...
Posted by The Swede on Sun, 30 Sep 2007 10:50:00 PST

More Random Shit...

I had a much appreciated day off yesterday and spent it with my lady friend, er, wife. We walked around in the intermittent Portland sun and had a nice relaxing day. After shooting some pool we decid...
Posted by The Swede on Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:13:00 PST

Look Ma, no feet!

So Today on Yahoo News Group I see this story: Amusement park ride severs girl's feet A 13-year-old girl's feet were severed above the ankle on a thrill ride at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom. Witnesses...
Posted by The Swede on Sat, 23 Jun 2007 02:19:00 PST

A Love Letter To Portland

According to the bumper sticker slogan (which was actually stolen from Austin, Texas), the fight is on to "Keep Portland Weird". I can faithfully attest that it's in no danger. I've been here a littl...
Posted by The Swede on Thu, 21 Jun 2007 03:57:00 PST

My first...and LAST trip to a budget dentist.

No one likes going to the dentist. Most people put it off as long as they can, even if they have insurance (which I don't). Unless you're a masochist, I'm guessing you hate it too, and even if you hav...
Posted by The Swede on Thu, 15 Mar 2007 08:49:00 PST