Dope smuggling, human trafficking, making out with my dog, blood diamonds, bear traps, women in burkas, prison rape, cage fighting, partial birth abortions, jelly-filled donuts, teddy bears, creeping out old ladies at the grocery store, hate crimes, female circumcision, Abu Ghraib pictures, whale fishing, the ivory industry, animal testing, worshipping the devil, steroids in baseball, Joran Van der Sloot, holocaust denial, nuclear proliferation, people crying for help at the New Orleans Super Dome, the Minnesota Vikings, Fiona Apple, and Winnie the Pooh. Rollerskating (SKATING, not blading, you sell-outs!)
I'd like to meet:
Scarlett Johannsen and Kim Jong-Il.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Benjamin Tyrone Vitoff
Birthday: March 24, 1979
Birthplace: On the shower floor of a tweaker Motel 6.
Current Location: Right here.
Eye Color: Same color as my diaper. Brown.
Hair Color: Same as the color of my cellmate's skin. Black.
Height: 5'10
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left for the mouse. Right for myself.
Your Heritage: A hook nosed, Lebanon bombing Jew.
The Shoes You Wore Today: High heels.
Your Weakness: Gerbils.
Your Fears: Fat rockabilly girls with strap-ons.
Your Perfect Pizza: A free one, delivered by a free hooker.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: A threesome with an innocent virgin, and a filthy slut.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "If anyone asks, you're 18. Got that?"
Thoughts First Waking Up: Uncle Tim takes up too much bed space.
Your Best Physical Feature: Definately my gut.
Your Bedtime: Right after I nut and roll over.
Your Most Missed Memory: The ones I lost when I blacked out. I miss those memories.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke!
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King.
Single or Group Dates: Single dates. Group sex.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lukewarm Jaegermeister.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Flavor; vanilla. Stripper; chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Crack.
Do you Smoke: Only if I time travel to Nazi Germany; circa 1942.
Do you Swear: Around small children, yes.
Do you Sing: I'm the white Ruben Studdard.
Do you Shower Daily: I tell people I do.
Have you Been in Love: Yes.
Do you want to go to College: Yes. That way, when I become a stripper, I can say it's just to pay my way through college.
Do you want to get Married: Only to a Mormon, so I could cheat on three wives in just one fuck.
Do you belive in yourself: I believe in myself to do the wrong thing.
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Do you think you are Attractive: After a couple shots, yes I do.
Are you a Health Freak: Just a freak.
Do you get along with your Parents: As long as we're stoned.
Do you like Thunderstorms: No. Thunderstorms are a sign that we have done something sinful and God is angry.
Do you play an Instrument: Nope.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Just rubbing.
In the past month have you Smoked: Not cigarettes.
In the past month have you been on : the receiving end of a golden shower. Surprisingly warm.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Everday after school's out.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I have eaten a box, but ironically, none of the Oreos.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yes. In the past month I have eaten raw Suzy.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes.
In the past month have you been Dumped: I have not been dumped, but I have taken a dump.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Skinny dipping, no. Fat dipping, yes.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Just a seven year old girl walking home from the bus stop.
Ever been Drunk: Ever not been drunk?
Ever been called a Tease: When I was doing time in prison.
Ever been Beaten up: By my ex-girlfriend.
Ever Shoplifted: I'm fat. I don't lift anything.
How do you want to Die: Same way I was born. Head first in a bloody vagina.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Be a grown up.
What country would you most like to Visit: Thailand.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Stoned red.
Favourite Hair Color: Brown.
Short or Long Hair: Long on the head. Short on the gine.
Height: Penis level.
Weight: FAT.
Best Clothing Style: Clothing style doesn't matter. Clothes don't matter either.
Number of I have taken: Eh?
Number of CDs I own: CDs? Shit, I still own mixed tapes.
Number of Piercings: None.
Number of Tattoos: Just the ones across my arm.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 3,964.7
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
Music:
AC/DC, Ashleigh Simpson, Pink, Johnny Cash, Cannibal Corpse, John Tesh, Hilary Duff, Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, Slayer, Ice-T, Luciano Pavrotti, Dr. Dre, Barbara Streisand, Sepultura, Celine Dione, Michael Jackson, and Gem and The Holograms... Yanni.
Movies:
From Justin To Kelly, You Got Served, March of The Penguins, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka.
Television:
CNN, Small Wonder, Hardball with Chris Mathews, 7th Heaven, Laguna Beach, Sanford and Son, National Geographic anytime they visit Africa, Golden Girls, 8th and Ocean, Richie Rich, and Jem and The Holograms. Oh yeah, and my new favorite... THE SQUIDBILLIES!!!!
Books:
The Torah, King James Bible, Koran, the occasional XXX pop-up scratch and sniff hardcore non-fiction smut graphic novel... oh, and whatever happens to be the newest thing on Oprah's Book of the Month Club.
Heroes:
Superman, Green Lantern, Captain America, Maya Angelou.Your results:
You are Iron Man Iron Man 85% The Flash 70% Green Lantern 65% Hulk 60% Catwoman 55% Superman 50% Spider-Man 50% Supergirl 50% Batman 45% Wonder Woman 45% Robin 35% Inventor. Businessman. Genius.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz
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