Cristin Davis - Saloon Comic

It’s been almost two years now and I’ve done a lot with my comedy so far, that is If you consider nothing doing a lot? I’ve gone from open mic nights at the Hidden House and other places in Phx to opening up for one of my comedy heroes Doug Stanhope six times. I was also invited to perform in New Mexico at the Revolutions International Theater Festival on the “freedom of speech stage”, then last week I bombed in front of 6 people at a gay bar. You really never know what to expect with comedy and that’s what I like about it. My plan was to buy a Winnebago and travel around doing comedy but that was one of the most retarded things I’ve ever come up with. I must have thought that up after a scotch binge/mini stroke. There is no way I can make enough money to pay for the gas to get from town to town and you can only eat so much Ramen with money you get from selling your blood. The only real skill I possess is being one wicked ass motherfucker on the guitar, it’s just too bad that you can’t make a living doing that, or at least I couldn’t. I work in an office which is a lot like having a vampire that lives in your underpants who sucks the blood in your balls out through your dick like a crazy straw on a daily basis. That part might have been unnecessary, sorry. See it’s just that type of thing that makes me almost intolerable to be around. We were having a nice conversation until I mentioned all that business about my balls and vampires. Oh well, I doubt you got this far anyway, you like most people can barely read. As for those of you that can read, I doubt you have the attention span to get this far. It’s a shame too because that part about my balls was fun to write and I bet you would be sitting there imagining how a vampire that is small enough to live in a pair of size medium underpants would have a mouth big enough to use a penis( even at average size) for a crazy straw, your loss fucker. I’m not sure why I felt like I should insult everyone all the time but I do feel a little bit better. I think its cause my hair fell out. I feel weird.....all the time.