Peter Travers. The Man. The Myth. The Knock-out.
Once upon a plane of reality not unlike your worst fears, Travers was borne unto flame. This flame was harvested by foul demons and sent to our mortal realm, where it materialized to inhabit the cold, constricting mechanisms of a blurb-machine whose sole design was the slow enslavement of the human spirit through cruel manipulation of it's own culture. Humans call this event, Peter Travers.
Since then, Peter Travers has spent his time enjoying long walks on the beaches of his imagination (real beaches are out of the question, since Travers is an inanimate object), looking at shiny things, defying the laws of literacy, networking his vile reviewing sorcery through myspace, and buying souls on e-bay to consume and thus fuel his potentially eternal life-energies.
But beware. Travers speaks in the third person...
Here, let me show you the full effect of my true capabilities. This is what I do, and it is magic:
Rain Man:
"Dustin Hoffman is a powder keg! If this is autism, you can count me in!" -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
Forrest Gump:
"A sure-fire knockout of visual miracles! Gotta get me some!" -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
Schindler's List:
"Fan-smash-tastic! An explosive, succulent masterpiece of Holocaustian proportions." -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
Spy Kids:
"A mind-fuck!" -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
Gladiator:
"A delicious ride! Grabs you by the eyes and throat, and doesn't let go till you scream for mercy!" -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
Planet Of The Apes:
"Marky Mark shines brighter than a thousand suns, at twice the speed! Flip me over, I'm done!" -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
Citizen Kane:
"I laughed till I died!" -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone
taste that, pathetic mortals. taste that and weep. such is Travers
