I am generally a smug twat.
"Now lend me your ears. Here is Creative Writing 101:
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things - reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them - in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open the window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages."
---Kurt Vonnegut
Vanity
View From The Inside of a Fight
War Poems: Ownership
War Chronicle: Warm Itchy Sweater of My Job
A Story About a Tough Cat
War Poems: All Your People
War Poems: Woman
War Poems: Job
Interlude. Fierce Wisdom
Look at the time
Angry Titans, "Old Friend Ensemble Snow Chase," and, ummm...
The Shift Away From Foolish Living
A Conversation of Sorts (Tiny Fiction)
Also, Memories is a stupid fucking song
Bracing the door, peeking through the peephole
My army grows, violently
Funsies
Work is for chumps. Write letters intead.
My week: Invasion, Detection, Humiliation
My Technical Prowess is STAGGERING
Look What I Found!
Five ways to Have Sex Without Initiating a Thing
Two Examples of Perfect Human Communication
please help my stupid brain
The Violence of Innovation
Here is Some Very Serious Artful Heartwrenching Poetry
Cover bands can kiss my ass, after I kiss theirs, I guess
Fatty, Fatty, Two by four
What a brain wonders during a fever and NyQuil morning
Look at yourself. Yes, you. The cute one. No NEXT to the fat one
A meritorious compromise of ideas, and the promise of lunch
If I still had hair, this is what I'd do with it
How to be scared of the ugly noise
Step 1- Get hit on by a man. Step 2- Thwart infidelity
A powerful heavy thing of deafening value
Man slips and falls down, spirits rise
I love you, Filthy Strip Club... adieu
Man urinates on fire department, woman's heart
On being officially dead
The spiciness of my crotch
My hotness
eyeball skeleton, tom waits, handsome boy modeling school, guided by voices, the pogues, magnetic fields, big black, pixies, vandals, descendents, belle & sebastian, mos def, a few choice charlie brown songs, old punk, anti-folk, rock-harpsichord, way, way too many to name here i guess but it doesn't matter because you're not reading this shit anyway. you don't care what i listen to. If you did I would be concerned for both of us.
i like movies
has accomplished its mission of making you despise yourself and your neighbor for your normal humanity.
Zombie erotica, and anything written from a pet's point of view.
BANKSY.