John Threat

There are two things I haven't figured out yet, one is death and the other is that I used to write for the Daily Show On Comedy Central.. and most Black women who like that show dislike me intensely for some reason, wether I open my mouth or not.. Prehaps the reasons are below:

Hey. I know what I like in a woman.

Permed hair - I like girls whose hair is over-permed so much that it smells like frigging lye. It's preferred if it burns my eyes and flesh when you walk by. That entire natural shit is over-rated. If God meant for you to go natural, he wouldn't have invented Polysorbates and Cocamidopropylamine Oxide.

Tight skirts - I particularly love the ill-fitting short kinds that won't allow you to hide your panties when you sit down. It's best if the panties are that distinctive yellowing gray that comes from old panties that absorb the mammalian waste products excreted by your skin and vagina.

Two-way pagers - You can get it. Nothing says I am a sharing, caring individual that listens and is concerned with the environment and the well being of others than an expensive communication device that glows. Hit me!

High Heels - They go with anything. They aren't just for dresses. Especially Stilettos. They go perfect with tight tapered-off jeans or sweat pants. I really like the way a size 9 squeezes into a 4. How do they do that? I think it's the protruding flesh from stuffing it in that gets us going.

White Deoderant - There is nothing like the pasty white deoderant caked on a thick black mat of hair on girls' underarms. Black and white match! Besides, it's like a social statement that says; "I am woman. I am liberated. I could be French." Clear gels and sprays are overrated and probably carcinogenic.

Smoking – While I myself don't smoke, I find a girl who does smoke well nigh irresistible. I like it when they smoke those baby cigars with a plastic tip on it. It's so classy. I am not sure if it translates to me imagining the woman giving me oral pleasure-- considering last time I looked, my penis (although burning on occasion) is not ignited at the end.

There is nothing more romantic that sitting at home playing Dungeons and Dragons by candlelight. You roll the multi-sided polyhedron dice while the fat on your arms shake and you deliver 50 points of magical damage to my neutral-evil cleric-illusionist dwarf. I then ravage you on the un-mopped soda-stained floor.

I make films for living, and I currently am directing a series that is airing in the UK ( http://www.cellpop.co.uk ) if you want to know more about me for real? Ok check my blog: http://www.jeepbastard.com