Meat and frosting.
Masters of all trades. And people that can teach me other languages in new and romantic settings, which will result in experiences where I will learn a profound yet slightly painful life lesson in which a bit of naive innocence is exchanged for some sort of greater wisdom, like in Dirty Dancing or Batman.
I like music that makes me think of people having fun on road trips. And Gregorian chants.
I just saw Secretary. It was the most romantic love story about a self-mutilating masochist played by Donny Darko's sister I've ever seen. I also think Valley Girl is amazing, where Nicholas Cage, playing a "punker" in his first film ever, teaches a valley girl wanting something more in life all about true love on the "dangerous" streets of Hollywood in the coolest 80's movie ever. They say things like, "you know, life is like, really hard," and "Whatever Tommy. You're so not tripendecular anymore." Oh yeah, it also shows boobies.
I'll get down with Judge Judy, Larry David, Carrie Bradshaw, and everyone at Law and Order. I'd let Dr. Christian Troy buy me a drink, but I would rather go home with House, and I'd invite Meredith Gray to a sleepover, as long as Buffy brought the snacks. It's also HILARIOUS and amazing in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which stars Danny DeVito and is by far the best show on television, up there with Kids in the Hall, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, Strangers With Candy, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and The Office. Any show that doesn't have a laughtrack (with the exceptions of Seinfeld, Will & Grace, and Frasier, but those are re-runs and thereby excluded from the laughtrack rule) and doesn't rely on fat people or falling down (or fat people falling down) is ok by me.
I question people who misspell their apparent "favorite" authors....Chuck spells his last name PALAHNIUK by the way, and for all you trendy atheists that like to ramble about philosophers, no one named Neetchee ever claimed that God was dead. I like to read, from the pill dictionary to David Sedaris and Aaron Cometbus and Borges and Pablo Neruda and Juan Ramon Jimenez and John Gardner and Katherine Dunn and Brett Easton Ellis and Chomsky and Octavio Paz and Tom Robbins and Nick Hornby and E.E. Cummings. I love Samuel Beckett and just discovered Steven Pinker and Bill Bryson's figured some stuff out and no one can resist the ramblings of Thomas Pynchon and Isabelle Allende fascinates me but not as much as Gabriel Garcia Marquez. If you never read anything else in your life, pick up Daniel Quinn's Ishmael, and then The Alchemist (the one by Paulo Coelho, not Ben Johnson). I love epic things and throughout various attempts finally finished The Iliad, The Odyssey, and Paradise Lost, and boy, was that guy crazy. I like it when people tell me about their own favorite books, as long as they don't include Danielle Steel or John Grisham. I love the author of the shortest chapter ever written ("My mother is a fish."), as well as James Joyce, Ernest Hemingway, John Donne, Ezra Pound/T.S. Eliot, William Butler Yeats, Somerset Maugham, Arthur Miller, Oscar Wilde, Tennesse Williams, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Bob Dylan, New Yorker cartoonists, and the people that write overly zealous religious phamplets.
Pablo Neruda:"They all left, the house is empty. And when you open the door there's a mirror in which you see yourself whole. It makes you shiver..."