Hey everybody! Atari Joe here! My name is Joe Rivera but people call me Atari Joe because I am a celebrity and I know all there is to know about Atari. Yes, that's right. I know everything about classic video games and muscle cars. I live with my Uncle Gary at my South Florida Estate and work as a bagger at Publix three days a week. When I'm not playing Atari or Nintendo, I'm usually out with my runnin' crew brewin up trouble down by the pier. I like to keep myself busy with being me and live life to the fullest. I make lots of appearances and have been on many TV shows and specials such as Sesame Street, G4, TechTV, Windy City Heat, VH1's I Love The 80's 3D, and even Saturday Night Live! I like Atari a lot but I also like old Nintendo too. My favorite Atari systems are the 2600 and 7800 and my favorite Nintendo system is the Nintendo because it has Zelda and Donkey Kong.
Okay, so more about me... Well see I became a world-class celebrity due to a couple things. First there's my uncle Gary. He gave me my first shot at fame when he let me be part of his circus act in 1976. Unc was a circus performer and played Neil Diamond he would dress up and look and sing just like him. I would play the ukulele as part of his side show to commemorate the bicentennial. I was in the newspaper three times with Unc for the circus.
Then there was that one time in the 1980's when I rescued that little girl out of the well. That was the first time I had ever been on tv. Once I got home and saw my face on TV I knew my destiny was to be a star.
And so then came the internet. I've been an internet maven for years and years now and I started the worlds very first website about Atari and everybody knew me for that. I talked about things I knew about like Atari, Nintendo, Muscle Cars, the 40's, 60's and 70's and movies like Grease and American Graffiti. Incase you don't know, I love the good old days of the 50's and 60's. The music was like you were a kid again. Peanuts, cracker jacks, hot dogs, Chevrolets, girls, rock and roll, doo wop on the radio. Flying down in your hot rod just making faces at people as you go by. Yeah those were the good old days! Boy I sure hope they never end!
Okay so about a year or two after I made the best Atari website ever I got a call and it was the people from the Today show and they wanted to talk to me about my website. And so I went on and I was with that news bitch Katie Couric and Al Roker liked my site and they showed it on TV and before you know it people were coming to my website all the time. Then once people started to see my site and I got famous, I got to go on Ally McBeal with that dancing baby thing in the episode about Ally McBeal and the internet. And so then David Letterman called and I was on the Letterman show to talk to him about my website. Those were fun times back in the 1990's.
Knowing all there is to know about Atari isnt as easy as it may seem. It is very hard. It takes a strict regiment of exercise, health, and a high-fiber diet to keep me this lean to be Captian. A good thing to do is to eat my Special - K. I get emails day after day asking me about things on Atari and Nintendo and boy the emails stack up but that comes with the territory. It's become part of daily life for this video maven. I like to show off my video game knowledge and share the 50's and 60's experience with everybody who wants to know.
I know all there is to know about the Atari. No one knows more than me..
I am a raving heterosexual.
I enjoy classic TV shows from the 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's. My favorite show is Munsters, but I always really liked Happy Days, CHiPs, Knight Rider, old Star Trek, and old Batman..
I am a world class celebrity. I am rich and famous beyond my wildest dreams.
I am captian of the Atari Super Gang.
I like the good ole days of the 50s and 60s with rock & roll and doo-wop.
In 1986 this little girl fell into a well in her back yard and I pulled her out and saved her. That day changed both our lives because I got to be famous and she got to live.
I like muscle cars... and I mean LOUD muscle cars.
I like game shows. Especially the kind that use wheels.
All of my girlfriends call me "SLOPPY SECONDS" that's like my nickname with them. I'm not really sure why, I think its because I always have seconds when I eat out.
I live with my Uncle Gary at my fabulous estate in South Florida.
I am proud to work as a bagger at the best Publix in the world down on Pine Ridge road at the Vineyards in Naples.
I call Uncle Gary "Unc" for short.
Unc used to take us back out to his special tool shed and give it to us and then we would just walk it off like mom said. And I talk about that alot and so one day I'm gonna turn it around and give it to him!
Unc doesnt like foreign people or coloreds. He say they are a drain on the economy. That makes it really hard for me to listen to my rap tunes because Unc doesn't like them either.
I used to struggle with addiction. For me it started around 1981. A lot of other kids were already doing it. And it looked like fun. Pretty soon I started playing. You know... a lot! Soon I was hooked on a game called Donkey Kong. When you're doin' the Donk, it's like there's no body else alive but you. Today I manage to keep my addiction under control and have time to spend with my friends and family and don't shut them out to chase that barrel..
I like to drink Canada Dry gingerale because I'm not allowed to drink liquor..
My best friend is Fantastic Sam. He is a leutennant commander in the Super-Gang.
I dont take jibbar jabbar from anyone. I'll put you up against the wall and say hey look I am a celebrity you dont talk to a celebrity like that.
I always liked those episodes of Saved By The Bell where they'd mix things up by having Kelly and Zack break up at the same time as Jessi and Slater, and then have them switch dates. Kelly would date Slater and Jessi would date Zack, one of them would kiss the other and the audience would ooooooo as if it was a big deal. By the end of the show everything would go back to normal and the whole time poor Lisa would have been stuck with Screech.
If you don't get me that's your problem, not mine. If you dont know how to have a sense of humor about life and you have some problem with me because I have silly pictures and play old video games and know more than you do or whatever else, then you can just eat my ass.